Adoptees speak out

Sharing opinions,advice, personal experiences is what forums are about. On the topic of breast feeding there is more to the experience than the physical capabilities and limitations. There is the whole psyche angle and no matter what your view point or what you choose to do all angles should be investigated. As I have stated on the other thread people are free to choose what is best for them and whether it is something I agree with or not is irrelivent. Just thought a well rounded perspective might shed a bit more light on the subject.

I also did not find it helpful because one cannot really have an opinion on what they did not experience. Not one person who responsded was an adoptee that was actually Bfed. The fact that many were not in favor of the idea reflects more on the backward viewpoint of bfeeding in society in general than it does on the effects of Bfeeding on adopted children. It is a medical fact that bfeeding is the best food for an infant. That goes for the bmilk of the bio mom or of any other human. For many generations and in many cultures babies were bfed by women other than there bio mothers. Wet-nurses were common in many many places for centuries. So no, I did not find opinions that were not medically based or based on person experience helpful. JMHO

I have to agree...an opinion thread is not going to offer any help. Some threads are like that...just discussions to think about and they have their place. I'm pretty sure anyone who is attempting to breastfeed their child is WELL aware that some people will find it "wrong". They don't need to have a bunch of people telling them how to raise their child, if it is not what they are looking for. Leigh

It is a medical fact that bfeeding is the best food for an infant. That goes for the bmilk of the bio mom or of any other human. For many generations and in many cultures babies were bfed by women other than there bio mothers. Wet-nurses were common in many many places for centuries. [font=Comic Sans MS]I was just thinking that.[/font]

I am sure you will find bio. adult children who don't like the fact their Mom breastfed them either. I think if my child grows up and has "issues" due to being breastfed and puts that much time into thinking about it as an adult, then there are some other issues going on besides being breastfed. I am sure if you throw a poll out there some will say they didn't like being raised by a different race parent, does that mean i shouldn't have adopted Drihan????

I agree with TraceyK. My bio boys get completely and totally sicked out when I mention the fact that they were breast fed. (Complete with sound effects of gagging and puking I might add.) My younger sister and I joke that I was the lucky one because I wasn't breast fed. Its probably normal for an adult kid to feel a little repulsed at the thought, whether they are bio or adopted.

I am an adoptive mommy who had the great pleasure of being able to nurse my daughter. Our situation was rather unique in that I had a 6 month old bio daughter when my other daughter was born. Since I had a milk supply, I was able to nurse the new baby as well. Since I had a relationship with my daughter's birth mom before the birth, she knew and supported my desire and decision to breastfeed. I made sure to be descreet and as thoughtful as possible (like nursing in a seperate area of the hospital...a little storage closet!). To me, I enjoyed breastfeeding my bio kids and recognize the benefits of it for the child. I wanted that for her too...why would I want anything less for her? If it was best for the bio kids it would be best for her too...EQUALITY. Also, I think it aided in bonding. I knew what it was like to be pregnant and have a baby. I didn't know what to expect with adoption. We knew we loved our bio kids before birth and we loved our adopted daughter before birth too, but I wanted us to have a physical bond. I felt weird at 1st simply because I had to get used to the reality that this was MY baby. Similarly, when I had my 1st baby, I had to adjust to that same reality. When I left the hospital with my 1st child and my adopted child, I kept feeling like I was stealing! Were they just going to let me walk out of there with a baby?!? If you can do it, I certainly encourage you to nurse. Contact the Le Lache League for advice and assistance. They are wonderful. I think it is a very special experience for a new mommy and will be good for the baby and your relationship in those early days. I'm glad my daughter was able to nurse just like her siblings did. :cheer: Go for it!!!

Hmm... I was breast fed (at least occasionally) well past 2 years old and since I remember well into my toddlerhood, I've always been aware of it, and it never bothered me. In fact I was very surprised when I found out a lot of people dont nurse past a year. My perception is vastly different than someone who grew up with the (consious or subconsious) perception that it was something really private or disgusting to watch, I've always consider it normal. I will definately try to bf my adopted kids. As far as I know I have no fertility issues so I may have bio kids too, and weither I end up doing pregnancy and then adoption or adoption and then pregnancy, I will likely breastfeed both as much as possible (physically) all though infancy and toddlerhood.

I am an aMom to-be, as well as an adoptee. I would have loved for my aMom to have breast fed me. And I bet she would have loved that. As I am approaching the opportunity to breastfeed our child, I struggle with other people's judgement of that. I think though, what choice would someone have me make? Use a bottle because it's not "natural" for a woman who hasn't birthed a child to provide nutrition for that child? A breast is more natural than a bottle. That is the conversation that goes on in my head as I make sense of my very new corse to become an aMommy. Thanks for a beautifully supportive forum. Rae

I am an adptee and I think being able to BF an adopted baby is wonderful. Nothing at all gross about it. Breast milk is liquid gold, that is why there are milk banks to help sick babies and preemies who need this milk. I say if an amother is able, go for it!! Not only that it is a wonderful way to promote bonding. Even a SNS with expressed breast milk is far superior than formula and bottle feeding. As another poster mentioned, many cultures think nothing of women breast feeding each other's babies as well as the use of wet nurses.. EZ

I am an adoptee as well. I think breastfeeding is the best option for any baby unless there is a medical reason against it. The benefits of breastfeeding far outway any issue about it in most cases. I was not breast fed. My bio mom didn't think it was appropriate. I was 7 years old when placed for adoption so my amom did not breast feed me but I believe that she would have if I had been an infant. I am also an amom but I did not breat feed my daughter -- she was 21 months when she arrived home. She was also not breast fed from her mom for a very valid (life threatening) medical reason. I have heard and read and talked to my friends who have breast fed and the thing that they all mention is what a wonderful bonding experience it is. Now wouldn't it be wonderful for adopted children to have that same bonding experience? Samantha

I am a biomom to 3 and amom to 1. When my adaughter was born, I had 2 bio kids: 1 was 2yrs old and the other 6 months old. I nursed my bio-kids (my goal was always at least a full year) and since I was nusing my 6 months old, I had plenty of supply to sustain the needs of my newborn daughter. I contacted the Le Leche League to make sure all would be well and if there was anything I would need to do to make sure I had enough for both. My body basically adjusted to the needs of the girls...like if I'd have had twins. I needed to drink plenty of water and eat enough for all of us. I discussed my desire with my duaghter's birth family, particularly her birth mom (who turned 14 right before she delivered and who was very supportive of my nursing). I was able to nurse her 5 hours after birth and would make daily trips to the hospital to nurse her. What we decided was appropriate was for her birth mom to bottle feed her and when I came, I would go to a seperate location (a storage closet with a rocking chair and a bunch of junk) to nurse in private. I wanted to be respectful of the 1st mother and her feelings. I didn't want to march in and be "MOM!"...she was Mom till she presented the baby to me and I never did any of that "baby talk" or referred to her as "my daughter" in front of her birth mom. I thought nursing in front of her would be disrespectful, so the staff at the hospital was kind enough to give us some privacy. I felt her birth mom knew what was going on and knew we were bonding as mother and daughter...I didn't see a need to rub it in her face in case it would be in anyway painful. I hope that makes sense. She had her special time with her daughter and I had mine during those first days. Anyway, it was such an honor and privilege to have the opportunity to nurse my adaughter. Had her birth mom been against it, I would have respected her wishes. I do believe if you can do it, by all means try it! My thought was that I wanted my adaughter to have all the benefits I bestowed upon my bkids...if I believe "breast is best" then she deserved my best. If it didn't work, at least I tried. It was a special time of bonding...not that we wouldn't have bonded had I not nursed, but I'm glad I was able to. She did develop /end up having some health issues that caused her to be unable to hold liquids down, so after several months on the breast, I began mixing my milk with rice cereal then switching to formula w/ cereal and a bottle to make a meal thick enough for her to hold down. I would have loved to have nursed her longer, but it was never about me and what I "wanted"...it was about her and what was best for her. My understanding of breastfeeding, for those who do not currently have a milk supply, is when you stimulate the breast, milk will be produced. Pump before you get your baby to get the production started (doesn't that sound like a good time on a Saturday night! Sitting at home with pumps on! You will feel like some 4H dairy cow.) If you are not making enough, there are systems where you can supplement your own milk with formula. The formula is in a container and a tube/straw is connected to the container and taped to your breast so that when the baby sucks, it gets breast milk from you and formula from the tube. This fosters the bonding (needs of baby being met, closeness, etc...), helps you produce more milk, and meets the nutritional needs of the baby. Regardless, there is nothing "unnatural" about a mother wanting to nurse her baby. Breasts have been so sexualized as to miss one of their main functions. Those who have never adopted also do not realize your achild FEELS every bit like your bchild! Your heart doesn't know the difference. If you would feel the desire to nurse your bchild, then naturally, you would feel the desire to nurse your achild! It is perfectly normal for a mother to want to nurse her baby...I craved that skin-to-skin contact. The closeness. The bonding. They were very tender moments between my children and I. Not everyone can nurse, but if you want to try it...GO FOR IT! You will never regret trying. You are not sick or nursing "someone elses child" or getting some sort of sexual gratification out of it! (People say the oddest things!) You are being a mother to YOUR child. Don't let anyone take that from you.

I had five days to prepare for my daughter (and the idea of adoption) so when my good friend (also the kids Nurse Pract) asked if I wanted to bf, I laughted and said this is the first time I don't have to and I won't feel quilty because it would be near impossible to do. Hind sight being 20 20 I wished many times that I had took her seriously and tried. My daugther had a horrible time with formula for many months. I too was worried before she was born that if I had bf people would think I was insane. Once I realized I could have helped my daughter I didn't care what anyone would have thought. So I congratulated all you woman willing to give it a try. I can add that since my first two (bio) were bf and my adopted daughter wasn't that the bonding took a little longer. (OH I LOVED HER DEARLY) but she didn't bond (or need me) to fulfill her needs. Anyone could do it. Good luck to all who give it a try.

[QUOTE=pugmamma]It is a medical fact that bfeeding is the best food for an infant. That goes for the bmilk of the bio mom or of any other human. For many generations and in many cultures babies were bfed by women other than there bio mothers. Wet-nurses were common in many many places for centuries. [FONT="Comic Sans MS"]I was a wet-nurse for a little while (my sis in-law was having trouble getting her baby to latch on & I was still bfing mine) and it wasn't at all weird for me or for my sis in-law. [/FONT]

We are hoping to adopt. The only opinion I care about regarding this is that of the mom who chooses us to raise her child. We want an open adoption. So, if she is not comfortable with this, then it would probably be weird between us. Though, if she were not comfortable with it, she wouldn't have chosen us since we are very upfront about this. I am still nursing our toddler. I have read that tandem nursing helps the children bond, not just the mother and newborn. I have donated surplus milk to an adopted child, am preparing to donate surplus milk to a medically needy child, and, of course, am nursing my bio-child. It is a great honor to have helped grow all those children. I can't wait to get started with an adopted baby. I can't imagine why anyone would object to providing a baby with what nature intended. (Though I know there are people who do.)