Where to start?

Hi, Do you have a planned parenthood in your area? Maybe if not you could look it up online. I don't know what specific information they have, but I do know they carry pamphlets on all sorts of options for parenting, adopting, and abortion. Also, a lot of times you can get some good leads on where to find information on the choices you have from your family Dr, your OBGYN, or even from your church. Good luck with your decision, there is lots of support here for whatever you choose! :-) Carrie

I don't think I could even begin to involve my family in this. Thanks for the info. I think there might be a center in the next town over.

Hello, Wheretostart, and welcome to the boards. I'm one of the forum moderators here, and I'd like to start out by moving your thread to the "considering your options" forum as that is the more appropriate spot for it and more likely to get you the answers and info you are looking for..... BRB! Heather aka MrsSmith, Community Moderator

Okay, I moved the thread. :) Now then.... First of all, I want to let you know that the forum Terms of Service here expressly forbid anyone from contacting you in a "soliciting" manner. This means if they post, email or private message (PM) you that "oh we are hopeful adoptive parents, please consider us" it is not allowed. We try very hard to keep the forums a safe and welcoming place for all members, so if you are contacted via PM or email in such a manner, please let myself or one of the other Moderators (crick, echaos, leaabc123 and tigger27) or our Administrator, BrandyHagz, know so that we may take care of it. To help you figure out how to start figuring this all out, well, let's see. You say you are in school, can you go to the school's counseling center to talk to someone? Most schools have staff who are trained to help you figure out your options. You are right in that there are essentially three options available to you: parent the baby, place the baby for adoption, or have an abortion. I would recommend that you try on each of those options and see how they feel to you. What I mean is, first say to yourself "Okay, I am going to have an abortion." Walk around and "live" with that decision as though it is what you are going to do for a week. See how that feels to you - does it feel comfortable? What plans would you make for before and after the procedure? Then do the same thing with parenting. Live with that option and see how it feels. What plans would you make? Investigate the various supports and assistance available to you through campus, Medicaid, WIC etc. Then do the same with adoption. How does that feel? In all three instances, think about how you will feel after the choice is made. Telling your friends and family, future partners, etc. All three choices obviously come with their own sets of issues that will impact the rest of your life. Talk to women who have made those decisions - you will find many here on the forums. There are forum members who have placed children for adoption, who have placed and are now parenting children, who have had abortions. Only you know what is ultimately right for you. I'd start by gathering information either through your campus counseling/medical center or from Planned Parenthood and maybe an adoption agency, then see what each option feels like to you. Also, please know that if you do choose to place your baby for adoption, there are many options available to you there. You can choose to have a "closed" adoption where there is no contact between you and the adoptive family, or you can choose to have a completely "open" adoption where you meet and have an ongoing relationship with the afamily, including visits, and all sorts of degrees in between. (Letters, pictures, phone calls.....) Only you know in your heart whether you are ready to be a parent right now. If you truly wish to parent but are struggling with the "how will we get by?" issues, there are options and support out there for you. Many birthmothers will tell you of their regret at placing a child they later realized they could've parented - a child they wanted to parent but thought they just couldn't manage to given their life situation at the time. From what I have read of these women's stories, I understand that is a huge, horrible regret to have to live with. On the flip side of that, if you feel that you really do not want to parent and aren't ready, don't feel pressured to keep the baby and parent - don't let yourself feel guilted into that just because you "should" want to raise the baby yourself. Like I said, only you can know what is best for you. That is why I suggest trying on each option and "wearing it" for a bit, to see how it makes you feel. Also, please remember that for the parenting vs. adoption decision, you have a LOT of time to decide. You don't have to decide that until after the baby is born. (((HUGS))) to you as you go through the coming weeks and months. This isn't an easy journey, and I wish you strength and peace. I hope that you will find a lot of support, information and comfort here on the forums as you go on this journey. Sincerely, Heather

Actually, I would suggest contacting a local crisis pregnancy center and stopping in. I contacted ours (back in PA) when I found out I was pregnant. They were pro-life so no abortion information was given but, as I'm also pro-life and wasn't considering abortion, that was okay for me. It MAY NOT be okay for those who DO want abortion information. Just a heads up. I went in with full intent to parent. They did mention adoption but, at that time I had a plan and was healthy enough to continue working so I didn't follow through with anything they mentioned concerning adoption. They had a BUNCH (I mean a LOT) of parenting information and resources. They set me up in a room with a phone and a list of different agencies to call. (By agency I am not referring to adoption; I am referring to state assistance, medicaid, WIC, and various OBGYN's in the area that accepted medicaid (with some suggestions regarding doctors that were more kind than others).) They also had a trade in program where you could "borrow" a high chair, etc, if you didn't have something. They also hooked you up with a family who could buy you a car seat as using "used" car seats isn't always safe because if a car seat is even in a minor fender-bender it can compromise it's ability to protect a child in an auto accident. So, instead of calling an impersonal 1-800 number, if you would like parenting information and resources, I would encourage you to look up crisis pregnancy centers in your area. If you want abortion information as well, contact your local Planned Parenthood. And take a breather. :) Let the initial shock of an unplanned pregnancy wear off before you make any life-altering decisions. (BTW, parenting, abortion and adoption can all be considered life-altering.) ;)

Shock, yeah that just doesn't sound like strong enough of a word to describe how I feel right now. If I go into one of these centers and ask for information on all my options, I don't want to feel like there is a push towards one way or another. On campus, it seems like they try to push you into an abortion because you don't want to have to stop your studies (I'm already a whole 2 years behind). I'm going to try tomorrow to find somewhere to get the information I want. Nothing could be worse that to feel like I can't decide on what to do because I don't know what my options are and how they will turn out in the end. I can handle just about anything as long as I can plan it out. Thanks for all the great advise. Its nice to be able to go somewhere and ask without anyone looking at me as a bad person for getting pregnant to begin with or trying to tell me what to do.

To be honest, unfortunately, anywhere you go is going to push you in one way or another. Clinics and your school are going to be more pro-choice, pro-abortion. Crisis centers are going to be more pro-parenting. And, really, unless you decide that adoption is a valid option for you, I would suggest staying away from agencies until you've done your own research because they have a tendency (not all, but a large portion) to kind of come on rather strong. They're trained in what to say. Try googling. Google information specific to your state and county regarding parenting assistance; medicaid, financial assistance, WIC, etc. Google abortion information in your area (find local clinics and see if they have women you can talk to AND LOOK UP THEIR INFORMATION w/ the Better Business Bureau). And keep asking questions. They can only help right now!

I agree with Jenna, most places have their idea of what is right for you. Adoption agenices will likely tell you that adoption is right, crisis pregnancy centers (at least in my area) are often headed by religious organizations and will push parenting or adoption. And I've never been to a planned parenthood for this type of reason, but at least around here I have heard that they dont get pushy about any of the options and do just give info. If you ever want to chat, send me a pm. Also, if you do decide to place or even talk to an agency, talk with people who have worked for them. Ask to talk to someone who decided to parent as well through the agency and see how they were treated by the agency when they decided to parent. Working with an agency that will harass you if you decide to parent is not a good thing either :(. Also being in school, there might be more state aid you would be able to recieve (grants and other programs) if you parent, which might lift the monetary difficulties a little bit. Also some colleges offer day care to their students. It might be something to look into as well. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Hi there, and welcome to the forum! You've already been given some excellent advice, just have a few things to add:Focus step by step - decision by decision - the first decision is whether or not to have an abortion. You're really only facing two choices for the immediate future. So for now, focus on gathering information which will help you make that decision first. It's the one thing that has a definite time limit. Don't worry about adoption or parenting yet - you have plenty of time to make those choices. Deal with how abortion feels to you first.Consider some questions - answer them for yourself, not for me or anyone here:Do you have a moral belief for or against abortion? How has that changed or evolved in the face of your own pregnancy? How do you, in your heart, define what is happening inside your body right now? Has that changed or evolved? In what ways? What is your opinion of those who terminate pregnancies? Can you imagine your life after an abortion? What does it look like? How do you think you will feel about yourself and about your choice? What would you advise a friend in a similar situation? Why would you give that advice? Please feel free to keep posting as you go through your decision making process. You're not going to be judged here - and if anyone seems to be judging or pressuring you via private messages, please be sure and contact Mrs Smith or one of the other moderators.

You are not a bad person for getting pregnant. If go anywhere for help and they tell that, then run in the opposite direction as fast as you can because they don't care about you. Finding out that you are unexpectantly pregnant is beyond shock - it is a mind numbing and body numbing experience. My daughter said it feels like every cell in your body just had a mega-dose of novicane and it won't "wear off". I really admire you for understanding that everyone and every organization has an agenda. FH-heartened has excellent advice. Solve one problem at a time. Will be thinking about you. Happy G'Ma

There are alot of support groups you could join if you can't seem to get counseling anywhere else. Talk to a friend, read, research and read more. Internet is a great tool. I would do as the one poster suggested. Write a list of pros and cons and go from there. Just now these ladies are wonderful here and will listen and help when they can, they give great advice. Good Luck!

WEll, I learned today that I'm a lot further along than I though. Geez, this is crazy. I went to a crisis pregnancy center today. I think actually getting oout of my car was harder than telling him we were pregnant. It was nice though. I spent most of the day there, even ate lunch with them. After my pregnancy test (why they needed to do a second one I'm not sure) they offered me a ultrasound. They told met hat would help me know what my options were. Sure, why not, right? I had a period in November and not since, but I thought it was just stress. Turns out I am 17 weeks. That takes out one of my options. They gave me a referal to an OB and a lot of stuff to read. They told me I shold start taking some vitamens. I got some at the GNC for pregnancy and gee these things look like horse pills. Brent wants to know where he needs to sign to "give it up". That kind of pissed me off. He first out starts by telling me to have an abortion and then he tells me he isn't gonna "support no baby" and to "get rid of it." Even if he didn't want a child, we kind of can't change that I'm pregnant. The health insurance my parents got me will cover the pregnancy but the copays are crazy. The OB wants to see me on Monday. What is going to happen at that visit? I just feel like I'm alone and having to make more decisions than I can take right now! Sorry to vent. Guess this is kind of likey a diary of sorts....How stupid of me to get myself into this situation in the first place. My parents are ticked. Mom cried how could I do this to her? To her? What exactly did I do to her? I'm not even in the same state as they are right now! None of her church ladies know anything. Dad was worried about me but dissapointed. Tells me I have to make some "grown up decissions now". Like I wasn't a grown up before or something? Botha skd me not to tell my grandparents because good girls just don't get pregnant before they are married. Dad thinks I should just give Brent time to think about it and that he will come around to doing the "right thing" and marry me. How is that the right thing? We are both in school. We don't love each otehr. And most importantly, he doesn't want this baby. I thought I loved him but any guy that treats me like this is a jerk. URRRRRR. Can't I just press the rewind button?

well before reading your post, i was going to say check out planned parenthood, because they are great. but, i just wanted to let you know you are never alone. and i am sure that many on this forum, including myself, would be willing anyday to listen and remind you that you are not alone. you are always in my prayers, and definately keep us updated!

Hi, I just wanted to say that you aren't alone. There are a lot of girls who find themselves in the same shoes as you are in now, and I bet here at the forums you can meet a few and talk to them about thier choices. If abortion is ruled out for you, then you now have a few months to collect information and make the right decision for you and the baby. You might focus on gathering information on what it would take to raise the baby for a month or two and see how you feel. Then maybe for the next month or two research adoption and see if that is an option for you. Take your time and make sure your choice is best for you and the baby. If the baby's father doesn't want to be in the picture, that's his choice, but that doesn't mean you can't choose to parent or not. Just focus on you and the baby, get as educated as you can on your options, and remember you can always vent, journal, ask questions, and get support here. Keep us posted ok! :-) Carrie

Hi!My heart goes out to you. Sounds like you're in a very tough situation in your life. I'm a good listener and have some experience in supporting friends through unplanned pregnancies. These friends have all gone on to single parenting, so I was close by for 'baby care' support a lot too once the little ones were born. Your situation is very stressful and confusing to you now and if I can be of any help to you... even just a friend to listen and send you hugs, let me know. I'm always here.Best wishes to you and your little one... Lisa