Hello, I'm pregnant and looking for some support

February 23, 2006

[font=Times New Roman]Hello,[/font]

[font=Times New Roman]Im very glad that I found this message board. I have been reading the posts here for a couple of weeks now and I want to ғout myself because I have been feeling very alone in my situation.[/font]

[font=Times New Roman]I am 26 years old and a mother of two little ones. My husband left me for another woman a few months ago. We were high school sweethearts and got married as soon as we finished college. I didnԒt see the signs of him cheating on me at all! It was a total shock when he came home and started packing his clothes. Well, soon after he left me, when I was still reeling from the shock, I made a very, very dumb decision and let myself go out with a sales guy that has my office as an account. Ive known him for a couple years because he is in our office once every few months, and when he came in a few days after Bill left, we got to talking, which turned into getting a drink after work, which turned into҅ me getting pregnant. I was a complete idiot and in total shock again when I found out. I knew before I took the test because I felt the same way I did with my two kids. I also know it is NOT my husbands baby. Well, I told the guy, who really was a glorified 1-night stand, and wouldnҒt you know it but HE is married and does not want a baby any more than I do.[/font]

[font=Times New Roman]I am in one H of a situation here now. I dont know if my husband and I will ever reconcile but at this point it seems like our marriage is over. I have two kids under four and am now basically a single parent because Bill sure isnҒt spending time with them, he has come around three times in the past 5 months, because he needs his space to figure things out right nowӔ. I work full time and outside of that, my family is my life. I thought I had the perfect life before Bill left, I mean we had everything, a daughter and son we adore, the dog, the house, good jobs, going on vacations, it was like I always dreamed my life would be. Now, here I am. The baby is due in July and I just found out it is a girl. I DO NOT want this baby. Our family and friends all know that Bill had a vasectomy right after Jake was born, because we only wanted two kids. It is getting pretty obvious despite my loosest clothing that Im pregnant again.[/font]

[font=Times New Roman]So, that is how I got to where I am right now. I love my kids so much and once my head stopped spinning, I decided that I wanted to have this baby and put it up for adoption. My cousin and her husband adopted their kids because they couldnҒt have kids of their own and I remember how painful and sad it was for them when they wanted to be parents. I think this is going to be the best thing I can do with this pregnancy. I have been looking online at the parent profiles and have contacted a few families, and so far one couple sent back a list of questions they want answered, another wrote back that they want me to send proof of pregnancy to their attorney before they went any further and the others already have kids. I want a family that cant have kids and doesnҒt have any other kids. I know what it is like to finally become a mom because that was one of the greatest days of my life, when each of my kids was born. I want that for another couple for this baby girl. I have called three adoption agencies but theyre all about an hour away from where I live (very small town) so I havenҒt had a chance to go and see them yet. I want to have the parents picked out before the baby is born so they can be there in the hospital, and I am really happy to know that I can have letters and pictures (thats semi-open, right?) so I will know how she is doing with her family after the adoption. I have only been responding to parent profiles that say they are willing to send pictures and letters so far.[/font]

[font=Times New Roman]So, here I am, with a long ways to go till July 4. I am a New YearҒs Baby and this baby will be a 4th of July Baby, unless I go early like I did with my daughter. I would love to have the support of people who have been thru this already, which is why Im glad I found this message board. Thank you for reading my story, I look forward to spending time with you over the next months and after the baby is born too.[/font]

[font=Times New Roman]Katy [/font]

tobeafamily

February 23, 2006

Katy,

Welcome. First, a formality: No one here should be contacting you, either via post or via private message or email, regarding being prospective adoptive parents of your child. It's against the TOS. If you do receive any of these types of communications, please alert a moderator.

Second, wow, you really have had a whirlwind! Hugs to you, this is not what you had in mind I'm sure.

As for your adoption plan, may I suggest you engage the services of your own attorney to represent your interests? Most adoption attorneys will do this pro bono. They can ensure your rights are protected, that you're not being unduly pressured to place, that you understand the law and your responsibility in it. In many states your attorney can also assist you in finding prospective adoptive parents for your child.

If you're not sure where to find one, check the member listing for the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys at [url]www.adoptionattorneys.com[/url]. Call at least 3 in your local area and chat with them - how experienced are they, fees (if any), services, etc. Find one you're comfortable with because you're going to be going through some intense times with them. Remember, they're your advocate.

Lastly, I'd also recommend you get in touch with Brenda Romanchik at Open Adoption Insight (google it). Brenda's an adoption educator and a birthmom in an open adoption. She is NOT an agency and cannot help you find prospective adoptive parents. She does have a wealth of information, resources, experience and knowledge.

Best of luck. Take care,

Regina