Adopting 8 year old - questions????

Rea, I have not adopted an older child but I am an attorney who represents a 10 year old boy who is being adopted from foster care. I think it is very important to establish a relationship with the foster parents. Maybe ask your worker if it would be all right if you just contacted them directly instead of waiting for this conference. Other than the standard "what is he like" questions. I would try to find out what his transition to their house was like. What problems were there? When did they come in time and in circumstance? How did they resolve the problems? What did they try that did not work? What kind of things is he bringing with him. Is there anything that is important to him that you will need to replace right away because it is not coming with him (like a bike). Ask if you can take just the foster mom or dad (whoever spend the most time with him) out to lunch. It will be very benficial to have time alone without the "state" or the child present to get a better feel for the child. I read "my kid's" file that was given to the potential adoptive parents and it was not accurate or helpful at all. I was able to give the adoptive parents some really good pointers that helped ease the transition from a regular person's point of view instead of a social workers point of view. I am sure both he and the foster family is dying to meet you and get on with the process. Anything you can take off the social worker's plate will move the process along faster. My experience has been that while they may limit your access to official information at this point that they are generally more than happy to give you access to the unofficial (and usually better) sources of information like the foster parents. Good luck! Let us know how it goes. Jen