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[font=Georgia]Hey ya'll. I am having a dilema regarding referrals and I need some help. I have (the common) dream to have an infant come home with me. Hubby and I will be first time parents and of course have a vision of what that looks like. I have been presented with the option of POSSIBLY having a 1 year old (or close to it) come home to us. If you have had experience with this please let me know. I am concerned about bonding and attachment issues as well as the trauma of leaving the FM and coming to us. Language issues I guess are the least of the problem but something to consider also. I am really torn and not sure what to do...so I thought I'd ask the experts!![/font][font=Georgia][/font] [font=Georgia]I feel so selfish even having this issue..I would be so blessed to have any child..I hope you don't judge me for this..[/font]
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I can not speak for all however I myself would not judge you but commend you for having all the information you can when bringing a child into your home. We have adopted 3. Our first from an Eastern European country has significant attachment issues and came home at 13mo. Our 2nd from Guat had minimal if any at 10mo and our 3rd who was in foster care and not a hogar and home at 10mo I would say leans to some attachment issues but it is more an insecurity, and still learning that we will come back. There are some great resources for attachment, you can pm me if you want. You will probably see my post above, this has been a hard time for our oldest and we are traveling a rugged path right now. May your journey feel good for you. Nancy
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We adopted two children at one time, also first time parents. Our children were 4 months and 18 months old when they came home. For what it is worth, our toddler has bonded well and her language skills are amazing. Now at 3yo, we have been told she is near 1st grade level, beginning to write as well as a very strong vocabulary. In the beginning, she was very close to me (Mom) and would go to no one else. However, she comes more out of her shell everyday... very lovable, very outgoing, very theatrical. Our baby is almost 2. She is active, curious and adventurous but less personally social. She does not like to hug on strangers and barely hugs in the family. Mommy gets a hug and kiss once a day, but she sets her limits and does everything in her time. The point is that we would have guessed our children's personalities to be opposite of what they are based on the respective ages of when they came home. Every child is different and we have enjoyed their differences and had no trouble bonding, learning or nurturing with either of them. Just my experience... I'm sure you will receive many replies.
We accepted the referral as an infant and weren't finished with the process until she was almost 1. I think that in any adoption, you need to be prepared to bring home a child older than you dream to. It is great that you are considering attachment/bonding issues. Our daughter had 1 foster mom and was clearly very attached to her. When she was brought to us, she was very happy and at ease. It wasn't until she woke up, whether from her naps or in the morning, that she was upset. It took about 5 days before she was ever very happy to see us. Since that time, the attachment/bonding has been wonderful. She seems very happy now and is very affectionate. I am forever grateful for the stability that she had early on in her life and think that made a huge difference in her transition. She is at a wonderful age and is full of personality. Although I didn't plan to bring home an almost toddler, it has been wonderful. I would definitely encourage you to read up on bonding/attachment and to prepare for the worst. That is how I was and have been amazingly surprised!! Blessings, Ali