What if your child got very ill?

For me, I'm fine with not knowing that Thomas has a runny nose, etc and don't expect his parents to call everytime he threw up. That's fine but I want and honestly feel I deserve to know the big things... :)

Denise and I talk on an almost daily basis. I don't "make her" tell me when she has a runny nose. And she doesn't feel "obligated" TO tell me when she has a runny nose. It just comes up in conversation. :)

Yeah, so J (adad) just piped into the conversation that D and I are having. He said he wouldn't call me if Munchkin was terminally ill. He would drive her out here and tell me so that I could see her. Yeah. I sure do love them.

I WISH I had the same kind of relationship you have with your Munchkins parents. =0) I'm VERY Jealous!!!! In that close of a relationship...I would think it would be horrible...to not notify the bmom right away of the VERY BIG things happening!!! Unfortunately Not eveyone has that kind of relationship....that's why my question can have sooo many different views. I mean....if you are not having a good relationship with the birthparents....then why the heck would you want them there....or even give them the choice to be there, at that VERY difficult time. There are just so many factors that would contribute in making that call!!!

I asked my husband and he said....absolutely NOT. "Birthfamily would be the LAST thing on my mind" again...just proves how much WE aren't even on the same page!!! urg!!

Oh I know, I'm just saying for me and my relationship as we don't talk daily.

Why? Because it's their child as well...it's not about you, it's about the child... Sure you might not get along with them, but they deserve to say goodbye to their child as well. Don't mean to offend, but...

Okay I just asked my hubby the same question. :eek: . He said he would absolutely NOT think of contacting bp's at all at any point. Why he asked? Hmmmmmmmm. I think DH and I better have a talk.:rolleyes:

I would call my children's birthfamily immediately if anything were even close to being serious. My son had emergency surgery at 5 weeks old and minutes after he was wheeled away from me I was on the phone with his first mom. My daughter has been sick (and hospitalized) quite a few times and I have called her birthfamily each time. For us, they are family, so it's a given that we would all them.

This question is hard. I am a birth mother. I refused to give my daughter up through social services back in 1984 because of this exact issue. Was told, that if my child died, I would have no right to know about it as once papers were signed, then thats it. And in my opinon, that WRONG. There is no way, in my opinon that in the event of a death, that bp have no right. Laws need to be changed in adoption regarding this. Any aparent who says, why bother, too emotional, don't want them around, just remember this, ADOPTEES are not owned by you!. These children, adults, HUMAN BEINGS, have 2 families, whether you want to stick heads in sand regarding birthparents or not. Birthparents have a FUNDAMENTAL human right, out of diginty and respect as fellow human beings to be advised of the death of their child. This was posted last night too. Some aparents who have posted there and one in particular here, need to rethink who/what they are as parents. You are not raising a THING here people, it is a child who came from a human being! You will never completely OWN these children. Deal then, if you choose, to live with your concience, if you can. And if you can, that is a scary thought, that you type of aparents are raising children at all.......... My rant and I am mad..................will be fine later!!!

Good Morning :) Actually - I've thought about this. Have thought about it since the boys were 9? months old. Andrew had a fever of 104.5. It did NOT help that I had just watched - "city of angels" where the little girl in the beginning dies with a temp. of 105. We had been at the Dr. earlier, he was on antibiotics and his temp was manageable and then it wasn't. One of the thoughts racing through my head was - how do I tell Y. So, yes, I would tell her. If it was something that required a diagnosis, I would wait until it could be confirmed. If it was serious - I would buy her a plane ticket. And probably feel guilty that I couldn't send one to her parents as well.

Castle was in the hospital a few weeks ago for several days and we did not call E. Mainly becouse she would have been there every minute and we didn't feel like that would be a good thing. We love her but when she calls she never ask about Castle, we have to just fill her in on our own. I don't mean to sound cold, I know she love her and it may be hard for her to hear about what she is missing. Sometimes I feel like E thinks of us more as parent figures for HER. She does not work and is in a very bad living situation right now and we didn't want her to be at the hospital just to visit if that makes and sense. IF things had not improved when thay did we would have called both E and her parents/ grandparents. We did let her know once we were home and everything was okay as we didn't want it to come up later and her be offended that we didn't call her. She was fine with it but didn't show a lot of emotion either. If it was something really bad, life threatening, yes by all means, we would have called her and her extended family as soon as we found out. As much as I never want to experience it, I would never want anything to happen to her and E not get to say goodbye!

ourdream - Let me clarify - Just "typical" being in the hospital - no, I wouldn't call, until and boys were healthy again. SERIOUS illness (as in death potential) I would definately notify her. michelle

Shelley (rainrain63) Excellent post as always! I don't have much to add except a true story which gives several thoughts and angles to ponder: About a year ago a 29 yr old wife and mother in my city died in a horrific single car accident. She was an adoptee from a closed adoption and had been in reunion w/ her birthmother for several years. When her adoptive mom contacted her birthmother to notify her of the young lady's death, the adoptive mom told her, "Thank you for letting me by her mom for 29 years." This young wife and mother died instantly in a car wreck when her car ran straight in to a large tree. This was on a straight stretch of road and she was going at a very high speed. Her death was later ruled as a suicide. A 911 tape was later linked to the accident. A friend of this young lady had phoned 911 only a matter of minutes before the wreck occured stating that her friend had told her of suicidal thoughts...Her adoptive family is denying the possibility of suicide. This young lady was also the recent mother of a 4-month old son. IMO, ANY and ALL parents need to be notified, regardless. In most cases decision as to "when" or "if" is usually made by the adoptive parents....and that's a decision they will have to live with...

This is really hard to think about but a good question. It would make a difference as to how long a time the child had. If the child had hours, I would most likely just notify DH and we would focus on time with him/her. If it was a longer time, then for sure, our immediate families (mine live 1000s of miles away, in another country) and the child's first family would be notified. I would want to wait and have as much information as I could regarding the condition of the child before making any calls.