Bparents receive children if something happend to aparents?

Our boys foster mother asked if she would get them back if something happened to us. To be honest, my initial reaction was HORROR. To send them back to Missouri would discount their entire life and family here with us. "we" didnt just adopt the boys - but so did their aunts/uncles/grandparents/family etc. To simply "send them back" would be to deny who we are (or in that case, were) as a family. And of course, what about their brothers, our other two sons. How completely devastating to lose both your parents and your siblings at the same time - and in the case of our boys, also their entire extended family if we were to "send them back". However, saying all that, we have specified that contact must continue. It certainly wouldnt be as fluid as it is now - but it would be set out that contact needed to occur on a minimum schedule. Jen

If S and C wanted me to - I would take her - but I have talked to her about this and she knows that I don't think it would be right to take her from her family (uncles/cousins ect) and bring her here...I think her brother is who they picked, which is a GREAT pick, in my opinion. Oddly enough - I did choose C&S to take Jerrett (and any additional children we might have/adopt) if something should happen to both of us...

I think That my birth son is going to go to the AMoms sister. I to would not want him to be taken away from his sister. And, like Brandy, I want Ben to go to that family if anything were to happen to me

My 4 children all come from different birthfamilies and I agree that seperating the children would be out of the question. I was just curious how people felt about the issue in general. It does sound like most agree....that once the child has been adopted....the child should not go back to birth family. Although I do agree that just because a birthparent choose not to parent at one point in their life doesn't mean that a year later...or a few years later they couldn't parent. I guess I always felt that that motherly bond between the birth parent and birthchild... would always be there....and that if the opportuinty arose where they could have the opportunity to raise that child later in life...that they would jump on it....but...I do understand there is so much more involved....and it is true when you are adopted into a family....you are adopted into the whole extended family as well. My husband and I have always said if something ever happend to us his parents would be our first choice for all of them to go. Beyond them....I'm not so sure....that would be a hard decision.

Birthparents grow and change, just like everybody else. 3 years after my son was born I was married, graduated from college, had a house, a job, the whole nine yards. I think it really depends on the families involved.

In our case, our adopted child will be from China, so sending her back isn't really an option, regardless of what happens to DH and me. Even if there was a bmom available to assume guardianship, we would not take that route - we have one bio child and would not want to separate the siblings if anything happened to us. I guess my thinking is that adoption is forever. That child becomes part of my family, and it would be the responsibility of my family to care for her if something happened to DH and me. Giving the child back to the birthparents to me seems like you'd be saying the adoption didn't exist or the connection the child had with your family didn't matter anymore. In our case, we've chosen my sister as guardian.

All I can do is speak about our specific situation as I think that this again, is one of those questions that can't be answered with blanket statements. We would not consider this for our DD. Not only is her first mother not in the position to take on added responsibility of another child at this time in her life (and that is the time we are making the decision), but Bug knows us and her extended family as her family. She knows her first mom and family too, but it wouldn't be the same. She doesn't see them as often and by their choice, our visits and communication are limited. Bug was placed with us because her first mom wanted us to raise her in our environment and family situation, which to her, was much more stable than she could offer. So in naming Bug's guardians as we have (DH's brother and wife...they have a large family, and we spend LOTS of time with them), we feel like we are in essence, following her wishes in how she preferred Bug be raised. And, it would be the most stable situation for Bug to go into if something were to happen to us.

Brenda ~ it does depend on the situation AND the time in which the decision is made. The present time may be much different than three years down the road. I can only make these decisions based on what I know now, not on future possibilities.

I've asked dd's godmother to raise dd for a variety of reasons (they have the same temperment that I do, and and would do a great job-my family wouldn't do a great job, lol). I've also mentioned that she must agree to the open adoption agreement and then some, and keep in touch with my family as well. I am thinking about asking dd's bgrandparents if they'd like to play a more formal role, but I'm not sure when and what. since we view dd's bfamily as our family now, I don't think having dd raised by bfamily if something happened to us to be anything particularly different. Our adoption is forever, regardless of which of our relatives takes over in case of our death.

This is a HOT topic. Intesting points of view and opinons.I am sure that what ever decision we decide, Lord forbid, at that time in life, will be in the best intest of the child. As a B-mom, I would prefer my child(ren) stay in the environment/family she/he was raised in. Thats MY opinon.:D

I am sad to say that my childrens birthmother and birth fathers are not very responsible people. It would be very unsafe for the boyos to go back to them. Under NO circumstances would we allow that. I hope that in the future, that they end up clean and productive, but for right now, it would be a disaster. On a side note, before I got to"know" the birth parents on this site, I mistakenly thought that the majority of birth parents were like T, P and E. Everytime I see a post fom some of you, I feel the need to apologize for my ignorance. Anyway.... If Shawn and I go, then my parents will take the kids. Our will changes when Sarah comes of age, then she will take them. I know, that seems like a lot of pressure for a young woman, but believe it or not, she is the right choice. Here's hoping we don't die young....

I am on the same wave length as the rest of the posters. My son was adopted by dh and myself, but also our extended families. He is a part of this family forever. My brother and his wife will raise ds if something happens to us. I also discussed with her the importance of keeping contact with his bfamily. I knew she would see the importance and make a point to follow our wishes. That's one of the many reasons we chose them. Leigh

[font=Comic Sans MS]As much as I LOVE J, I wouldn't pull her out of her environment. She has her family and while I would love to raise her I would not take her away from those people who love her as much as I do.[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]My only hope would be that I would be able to continue to visit her and keep the communication open.[/font]

Ok, my original post was that I would hope he could come back to me, but I realize that is the selfish part of me coming out, so no I guess I would want him to be with another member of the family, It hurts to admit that. Hmmm I hope the decision never has to be made. Best Wishes

If both my husband and I were to die, then we have agreed on a two-fold agreement. Firstly, if the bparents are still under the age of 18 and, if over 18, still not able to parent, then my sister (my son's birth-grandmother) would parent. Secondly, if bparents are over 18 and able and willing to parent (bfather - my nephew has stated that he would be willing to parent if something wereto happen to both of us and in fact would prefer it). He's really good with our son and babysits him on occasion right now and sees our son at least once a week or more. Bmom, on the other hand, has all the options of visitations, etc., (she lives just a few miles away) but rarely visits and our son doesn't know her as well so I would not be as comfortable with her taking over the parenting role if we were to die. So, yes, I would like the bgrandmother or bfather to parent/adopt our son if both my husband and myself were to die.