Is anyone else cold?

irisheye's you so described me! Me and my best friend had this discussion about myself a couple of weeks ago and she told me exactly how I am lol. She said that when I walk into a crowded room I work it. I leave the room with everyone wanting to be my new best friend. As soon as someone becomes a little to close and cozy I turn into a cold B!+@* as that is when the testing starts. I want to be the person who says bye bye before they can say it to me. When a wise person on this forum advised me of RAD, I was like WOW. I am also not the extreme case as some may be but there are some obvious signs and lightbulb moments. I am so glad that you have a great reunion story to share.

Aisha Yeah I guess I do sound a little bitter. But I don't think that I am, I am just stating facts to my situation.I am glad however that I discovered this information when I was older, by now I have a knowledge of who I am and i know what makes me tick. I have always known that a reunion was not to be, just a felling I guess. I just wanted medical information ( as all adoptees know this is important!) In her letter to me she stated that she did not regret giving me up, just getting pregnant in the first place. All I can say is even though I believe in a woman's right to choose, thank God it was not legal back then lol.

Yup, I guess the alternative would of been to terminate the pregnancy but as long as you know that someone in your life right now is thanking all the stars and sky's above that you are here right now! That was a crappy thing for her to say to you. Not very nice! We all at one point or another sound bitter. I have had more then enough of a flood of emotions these last few months that I probably sound like a flippin loony have the time.

it is funny because people think that I am cold too. But in fact I am just cynical, and I was not born that way, I came that way through adulthood. I would not say that she rejected me outright, she was the one who posted the info on the registry, but now after corresponding once with her I understand that she did it to give me a gift of my history and medical info. She did not have any other children and is about 60 now. Sounds to me like her career was first and foremost for her, which is her preference and her choice. I am very close with my mother however, andshe is enough "mom" for me. So in the end it all worked out the way is was supposed to.

PS you don't sound loony to me ! You sound like someone who has excellent mental health.

Hope you don't mind me butting in as an adoptive mom. I am interested in these posts to learn for my own daughter and her well being. In the beginning of the process, we attended a class on bonding and attachment. It was mentioned that even as a newborn a child recognizes they have been separated from their birthmother and because of this they are initially a bit resentful to their adoptive mom. They went on and gave instructions for the bonding process, however I wanted to throw this bit of information out there since you asked about feeling the abandonment as young as you were. Regards, Brandy

Sometimes I wonder after my reunion with my youngest daughter if I will ever be able to bond with her. When her birthfather and I had a "second change", his parents took temp. custody of her when she was a baby. (they never adopted her at first) And when she was almost 2, they gave her back to us so we could be a family. I still had my oldest daughter but felt myself feeling like my youngest wasn't really mine. Then when his parents adopted her, 14 years ago. Her birthfather decided he didn't want to even be considered her father any longer. At our reunion last August, I thought it would be eaiser to bond with her, being we had a one on one reunion. (I didn't have my oldest daughter here) Sometimes, I think we bonded, but sometimes I felt we didn't. It scares me so though I am in hopes of finding my son, what it would be like ever we ever reunited. Maybe in my daughter's case it is different, because I know exactly who raised her and what family values that had. (military background) I am not certain if that has something to do with it or not. I also felt at our reunion that she wasn't happy here, that she was used to the "good life" and we didn't have all the wonderful things she had at home. All I can say, is.. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I can not change, to change the things that I can, and wisdom to know the difference."That is my "inspirational" prayer. It has for many years now. Its the only way I know how to cope with life now a days.:wings:

Ugh ~ I hate it when people say that to me. Actually they say things like "You are really a great person and good friend but sometimes you come off being mean, rude, or bossy." Lately I have been told I am narcisistic (sp). So people think I am under emotional and I think they are over emotional. I never try to tell someone that I feel is over emotional you need to change or you need to look into having such and such possible condition. I think some of us (adoptees) are hard for some people to figure out and that bothers them just because we dont wear our emotions on our sleeves. I say if the fact people are saying that about you bothers you than try to change it. I tried changing that about myself (mean, bossy, rude) and now some people think I am shy and quiet. HAHA - that is even funnier because this adoptee sure has no problem speaking out and going out on a limb much to their surprise so then they come up with this other label -- narsiwhatever. People are soo dang hard to please.

please read the book The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier it explains everything. I'm also considered a cold person and now I've come to understand why. We are afraid.

Just a reminder that there have been a lot of generalizations on this thread. Please keep it to your own feelings and experiences. :)

Hi I have only found the web site recently.I wanted to hear what others feel and share my feelings with similar people.You are the first person I have replied to.You describe me and the way people perceive me to be.How do you feel when people close to you think of you this way?Do you long to be normal?

I too am described by many of the posts on this thread, always trying to fit in/be liked by everyone and at the same time fading back, pushing away anyone that attempts to cross that invisible relationship line. I have been in contact with my bmother for about 1 1/2 years now. She found me and initially I was excited at the prospect of getting to know her and other family members. The situation that has developed, or more to the point, that I have caused to develop is not good. My relationship with my afamily has slowly degraded. My relationship with my bfamily has never really gone anywhere at all. The only thing I can figure out is that my reunion has forced me to face the undeniable fact that I don't really truly belong with either family. I seem to have a lot of illogical resentment toward both my aparents and my bmother which has led to me distancing myself from both. Why? I wish I knew.

no one has ever called me a cold hearted ***** to my face, but i meet friends at work and school, and i dont call them, they call me,but i dont answer, i dont call my family at all they live hours away, i just go to work, school, and dont talk to anyone...i was taken away from my parents while i was 5 and had 13 sets of foster parents until i was 10, i just have no attachments to anyone, it just happens. i feel cold, but inside i wish i could talk to everyone, but i just dont. I'm only attached to my boyfriend of 6 years and who i live with he is very supportive!i long to be normal!!!

I totally agree with you. I recently had a huge falling out with my best friend in which she betrayed me. It took me days to even be able to say out loud to her that I was angry with her. In the end she had to yell at me to get me to admit it. She kept telling me that it is okay to be angry with her. She said she won't hate me just because I get angry with her. But I still struggle with it. The weird thing is, I am a really nice girl and it has gotten me nowhere. The nicer I am, the more people want to emotionally kick me in the teeth. But I can't help but keep trying to find someone that can stick by me. Thank God for my adoptive parents.. I wouldn't have made it without their love and support.

I'm sort of the opposite. I tend to get extremely attached to certain people(my group of friends has always been small).