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Okay Yall....Here It Goes....Hard Topic!!!!
I first and foremost am a bmom. So I must interject some thoughts and feelings here.
The idea of adoption is VERY hard for me. I was but a mere child when I found out I was pregnant and certainly did not want to have an abortion because of this precious little baby growing rapidly in my tummy. I love her with everything I could has a fifteen year old child, and knew I could not offer the best of the best. In my fifteen year old mind that was all that was important. She needed a mom and a dad that could love her no matter what!!!!
I certainly had a heart for ALL of the people that could not have children, and felt bad(even at 15) that I was carring a precious little girl that I could not be a mother to!!! It took me FOREVER to get pregnant with my little girl...eleven years after placing my first born up for adoption and this pain became even more real to me.
NOW....I see all of these mothers just waiting to adopt and how they feel just wanting to be a mom and I really do feel their pain. I wish EVERY woman could have children with NO problem.....It is the greatest joy!!!! Yet they want so bad to just have a baby and can't.....why???? It is certainly a mystery to me. Yet there are people every day who don't want a child and do!!!!
I do believe adoption is a good thing, but yet there is SO much grief.....The bmom hurts so bad....the amom is so thrilled yet hurt for the bmom. The child grows up with SOOOOO many questions????
I KNOW this is a HARD topic, but it truly NEEDS to be addressed.....WHO has answers....Why do I feel this way?? Isn't giving a child a life instead of having an abortion a great option....I would hope so, but why is it SOOOOOO hard on everyone????
NO CONTROVERSY.....ONLY ANSWERS?????
Staci
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I personally feel that it's so hard because there is loss involved. A birthmother can relinquish a child for adoption, but still feels the loss of that child no matter how great the adoption plan or how much openness there is in the adoption.
It is different from the loss involved when someone dies because you know the child is still alive..just not with you. Nevertheless it is still a grieving process.
On the side of the adoptive parent there is most likely the loss involved of your fertility and your own biological child. In order to move forward with an adoption you must first grieve the loss of your dream of having your own child that my look like you or act like you. You can never say "oh he gets his red hair from Grandpa".
Just my two cents..that's why I feel it's so hard. The loss involved on both sides.
Staci, great post ... my pain as an original mother is a double edged sword. The one child I had was adopted and, although I can conceive, it is extremely unlikely I will have another child as it's my husband with the problem. The past year has been particularly hard on us as it's coming up for a year that we found out what the problem is...makes the pain even harder at times.
Pip :wings:
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I do believe adoption is a good thing, but yet there is SO much grief.....The bmom hurts so bad....the amom is so thrilled yet hurt for the bmom. The child grows up with SOOOOO many questions???? I KNOW this is a HARD topic, but it truly NEEDS to be addressed.....WHO has answers....Why do I feel this way?? Isn't giving a child a life instead of having an abortion a great option....I would hope so, but why is it SOOOOOO hard on everyone????
Boy this topic does bring some interesting thoughts!!! I believe you are so right Jan in that there will always be adoption, BUT it should be handled very differently.
As a bmom in the 80's open adoption was pretty much unheard of. I wish like anything now that mine could have been open....it wasn't though. Not really knowing first hand if it is the better option it certainly seems to be.
I guess in a perfect world the adoption system would be perfect, but is something we will never achieve. This is just human nature!!!!
Thanks to all for your replies.....It truly means a lot!!!
Staci :D