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After reading some of the post from the poll and some of the topics last week, I noticed there are a afew folks that want to adopt siblings, and alot that all ready have. I wanted to try and put together a thread with info to help parents in the transition. I focus more on the kids transition, cause parents we are gonna freak, but hopefully go into a closet so the kids don't see. lol I personnally puked for a few days, from nerves once the group arrived. lol :eek: So, what ideas to ya'll have to help those pondering siblings, and how to make the transition easier? I am a DR. Laura fan, and love her idea of MyStuff bags, she does for kids in foster. So we did a version of that for each child. I talked at length with foster mom, and found out favorite colors, toys etc. In the bag was: toothbrush and very own toothpaste, a book, a small quiet toy, a little candy, and drink bottle with water, a pencil bag with colored pencils (hard to color on walls/van) and a notebook and coloring book. I had made blankets for each child also. We placed the bags and blankets under the seats in the van, and on pickup and take home day, when the kids got in, we told them to look under the seat...We had a 2 1/2 hour drive home, and it went wonderful. They use these bags now, as church bags, and sit quietly and happily in church. ps to this, we were adopting a sibling set of 3, and had already a wary 7 year old we had adopted 3 years earlier, so we made a bag (in secret) for him! The joy when he looked under his seat was incrediable, as he knew about his new brother and sisters bags.
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We are about to start visitation with our group and are anxious to hear advice on the transition. It was suggested to us here to try to bring them home in stages, maybe 3 at a time in our case. They currently live about 2 hours away and I love the idea of special bags with stuff to do in the car.We have started to implement the new house rules and schedule with DD now so it won't be a surprise and their fault for changes. Things like sleeping in our bed (when she is sick), choosing what she has for meals (can't let that happen with 7 kids), getting dressed in the bathroom instead of running around naked looking for jammies, etc. Any others you can think of would be helpful.
Routine routine routine!!! Seriously...that's the only way I survived the overwhelming feelings in the first 6 months. People thought we were a military home because we were very strict about the routine and rules in the beginning. :p But it truly helped to get up at the same time every day, have the same morning routine for breakfast, getting ready, etc. and yes, even the play time in the beginning was structured. I didn't freak out if we ate 1/2 hour later but sure noticed a difference! lol. As time went on, we relaxed a bit, but in the beginning, it really did help to have the same routine everyday.
Try to pick the most important 5 rules of the house to teach instead of all the rules at once. It's overwhelming to focus on everything and quite frustrating for the kids.
Really helped to serve up plates in the kitchen rather than eat family style. Helped our oldest with his binging eating, plus it made it easier on me for clean up etc.
Implement mommy/daddy and "just me" time so you get individual time with everyone. Doesn't have to be a huge deal. One of the ways we get individual time is to have 1 assistant chef for every dinner meal. The others are playing or nearby, but not in the kitchen helping. We also took turns with bedtime stories each night by reading on 1 kid's bed or room. Small things like this help with the bonding to each child. Sometimes we have "date" nights but mostly I found individual time by playing a game of cards, story reading, mommy's helper etc.
One of our challenges was the bonding and appropriate relationships between all 4 kids. Our oldest 2 were joined at the hip, and the 2 younger ones were kind of cast aside. None of the 4 had a good relationship with each other. We made sure to separate the older two when doing activities, riding in the car, walking to the store from the car etc. so we could rotate between them all getting to know each other better and spendint time with each other. Also spent a lot of time talking about brothers and sisters, how important that life bond is and teaching them how to interact with each other. My oldest had no clue that if our youngest dropped his bottle and was crying, then the oldest one should pick it up and give it back to him. The sibling relationships were a huge challenge for us in the beginning and we basically had to teach from scratch.
Got a "boss" sibling? Or a sibling that mothers the others? Might have some control battles there so I highly recommend reading up on these types of struggles. My dd was the boss over the boys, for sure! She'd even get her older brother to do things for her or just stupid stuff to make sure he knew she was "Da Boss". That created 2 main issues for us....dealing with her control issues but also dealing with our boys' lack of thinking for themselves and self esteem issues.
Find time for yourself!!! You will need it! I waited about 6 months before starting up a weekly routine of dinner out with a girlfriend, but I still do that. I also find time for myself on the weekends. Gives me a break but also gives the kids more time with their dad, which is important too.
There's more, I'm sure... :p but for now, I'll quit! LOL!
Oh! One more thing...drink your coffee BEFORE you start the morning routine. Whew! :D
Got a "boss" sibling? Or a sibling that mothers the others