My parents are oblivious!!!

Hi Boo, My mom has never really wanted to talk about the adoption. She didnt know I placed until 3 months after the fact, she was very angry and quite adament that I "go and get my child" however obviously I didnt. I felt strongly about placing as I wasnt at the time in my life to parent. After a few years of trying to talk to her about my bson and wanting to share my pics of him, I came to the conclusion it was to hard for her. Her words are "maybe if she had lived closer and been there for me I could have parented," so in a sense she blames herself:( I have tried to convince her more than once that she isnt to blame for me placing but she honestly believes had she known she could have helped me. Part of my reason for placing was wanting a 2 parent household for my bson, so unless she was going to marry me that wasnt going to work LOL:rolleyes: As for why I didnt tell her, I knew she would pressure me to change my mind and at the time I was very sure of what I was doing was the right thing....ask me now if I would have done it differently well thats a whole new thread!! I am glad you are dealing with your emotions now and please feel free to Pm me if I can help in any way! Good luck with your parents, Its hard for anyone who hasnt walked in our shoes to understand thank goodness for the forums;)

I have and continue to deal with people that don't understand the complexity of adoption loss. They continue to be the reason that I only speak of the issues with my therapist, my Husband, with other firstparents, in my blog or with D.

I don't know the circumstances of your child's placement nor can I explain your parent's or my paren'ts behavior but I can relate to your experience. Thirty five years ago when I came home from the maturnity home a total basket case my father said "dont let this disapointment ruin your whole life". I wanted to scream "DISAPOINTMENT?"Mother told me to "forget about it".

I've just come across this thread and I do understand what you're going through. My family have refused to talk about my relinquished child and subsequent reunion which went bad. The people I needed most to support me haven't yet my in-laws and friends have been great which I am glad about. It sad when the people who should be supporting you don't particularly when they know what it is like to raise their children (ie you). I've been through the same with my parents as they seem to think I can get over my child being adopting, walk into reunion as if that's normal then suffer the consequences of an angry young man hurting me as if I have gone through a bout of flu. I sometimes wonder what planet my family are on as they don't have a clue how I have been affected. My way of dealing with it is trying to be supportive off others who have been through similar experiences yet I still want the support of my family. It is something we all deserve yet we often don't get it so my prayers and thoughts are with you.

oh man ......this one touched me to the core........ive only tried to talk to my parents for years about my adoption.......its the exact same as your dad in the first post.....wow.......good to hear im not alone...... its crushed me to the bone to have no one to talk to about this......that is why i use this site now......at least there are people who can relate.......and be a support to me!!!!

it's my opinion that if parents or family aren't there for you to help you find a way to keep your child and be supportive then why should they be there for you otherwise? in my case , they weren't there for me then and not there for me now. big surprize!

Boo, My parents reacted differently to my pregnancy and placement of my dd. My mother wanted me to have an abortion. I lied and told her I was TOO far to get an abortion. Then she wanted me to marry bdad. I told her I didn't know who the father was. Then she didn't say too much after that, but she was VERY ashamed of me and my growing stomach. After I placed, she never spoke to me about the baby EVER. She passed away in 1982, never telling me how she felt about the adoption. My dad never said anything to me about the whole situation. In 2003, I met my dd and her family. They came to my dad's to meet me and my family. When my dad saw his granddaughter for the first time, he said "Hi, I'm your grandpa". I was SO furious. I couldn't speak. I just wanted to cry. Just to make sure that I wasn't overreacting I asked my dh about this later. Know what? My dh felt the same way, for he knew what I went thru when I placed my dd. In fact, my dh still would like to talk to my dad about his phrasing. So I can understand what you are going thru, Boo. Now I need the courage to talk to my dad about our relationship, because he doesn't have a clue about what I have went thru. Sorry if I was rambling... Found