What do I do?

This (below) was written by a member named "Faux Claud" -- in response to a similar post from someone who had just found out she was pg. Claud, hope its okay with you that I'm pasting this in here. I think what you wrote to the other expectant mom could be helpful here too. -Ellie "You will find every story under the sun out there as it has been already stated. For every opnion saying one thing, you will find another person who who says 180 degrees to the next. So far, you have gotten really great advice, but since you asked for the comparision stories..I'll give you mine. I had an abortion when I was 18. Still in high school, child concieved ( failed B.C) of my ex, my first love. There was no thought process there..I got out the phone book and made the appoinment. It wasn't really sad for me, nor uncomforatable, nor painful..it just was, and then I wasn't and it was over. I am not one who gets morally hung up on abortions so there was not guilt. I have always seen them as a necessary evil, not a form of birth control, but something that should be there if one needs it. Graduated HS, moved on in life and became involved with a man that I had no buisness being involved with. Became PG again. There is a reason they took the sponge off the market. As I had already had an abortion, I kinda felt that I used up my chances..not that I actually made a decision one way or another for over 6 months..I just was in a huge place of denial..did nothing until it was too late. My son was born and I placed him for adoption. I was 19. A few years later.....yep.PG again...antibotics and the pill DO cancel each other out. I felt my options then were to keep my child or abort, but as I had already made the decisions previously I asked my boyfriend to choose. I was sad when my very Catholic love choose the abortion, but again...I went back to the clinic and again, it wasn't too much of anything for me. I was more sad that I didn;t get the "lets have a baby and live happily ever after" My second son was concieved less than 9 months later. There was no question then, that I would birth and parent this child. Although I was still young ( 23) and needed the shotgun wedding, we stuggled financially, and the marrige did eventually fail; my son has been my constant source of inspiration and motivation for 14 years now. Neither abortion has colored my life in any way that is obvious nor have they effected my day to day existance. The adoption of my first born son is another matter entirely. It continues to not only efect my life and his, but the lives of my children ( now 3 at home), my relationshups, my extended family..the ripples of this action seem to have no end. The aproximate time spent with adoption issues, processing feelings, battling grief, is huge. The number of tears shed is unmeasurable. Shezz, just the amount of time I have spent writing about it all. And I am one of the lucky ones all and all. I had a good agency, my son has had a good life, I have had a good life, I am happy..but still..if I could go back, in a heartbeat, I would give up all I have now to chance and keep my first born son. Placing my son was the greatest single action that effected me..bigger than my mother's death to cancer, any broken heart, my 14 year old needing open heart surgery, my divorce... It is the single moment in ime where I can say, without a doubt, if I had choosen the other path everything would have been different. Maybe not better in regards to so many of the situations that happen in life, but I know I would not have lived the last 18 years of my life missing an essential part of my life. The abortions..are not even blips on my radar screen..the adoption is a major change of latitude...I was exiled to another country. To me there is no comparision between the two. Am I glad I gave birth to all my children? Yes, but I wish I had the forsight and wisdom to do all I could have to have kept my first born. Interestingly enough..both of the boys that became live births were concieved during the time frame that would have been the pregnancy in the earlier abortion's pregnancy...so if I had carried the first pregnancy, then the second one could not have happened..and the same goes with the third and fourth. Now, with age and hindsight, I really do beleive that sometimes we just have to embrace what life hands you. Life never goes according to our plans, but it does have the mysterious ability to all work out if we just let it. I wish I could have grabbed my first chance at motherhood, embraced my son and never let him go..I know we would have been just fine now." __________________ Claud just a mom... Exiled from 11-16-87 to 4-4-05 OVER! with reading the three most amazing words ever.. "Holy smokes...mom?"

Hi Melissa, I'm 21 years old, so we're close in age. :) I found out I was pregnant in March of 2004 when I was a freshman in college. I was living about 800 miles away from my family and my long-term boyfriend, and after several long discussions with my boyfriend we decided to have an abortion. I was not very far along in my pregnancy when I made that decision (I can't remember just how far along I was). Because I am an adoptee, I have very personal and complicated thoughts on relinquishing a child for adoption, and it is something I could not and would not do. Do I regret that choice? No. I think you have a lot of things to consider: like numbr1dbcksfan said, you're not very far along at all, and you have time to consider all of your options and make the best choice. If you and your boyfriend are planning on living together, does this mean you plan on getting married in the future? If you are in a committed relationship and have discussed future plans, maybe going through with this pregnancy could still be an option. As far as adoption is concerned, it is an extremely emotional and complicated process. Even though you and your boyfriend do not think that's the way you'll go, it is probably wise to do some research anyway. You want to make informed decisions, right? I wish you the best of luck - keep us updated, okay? And like numbr1dbcksfan said, BREATHE! ;) There's no hurry to make a decision. Nicole

Thank you so much for all of the help, support, advice. I agree - I am very early in the pregnancy. I have been searching, reading, learning, asking, talking, and just all around taking everything into consideration this past week. The more I read and learn and understand, the more I want to keep the baby. The more I would regret getting an abortion. I can tell everyone that no matter what, there will be no adoption. We will either keep the child, or... well... you know the other option! My boyfriend and I have not actually sat down and discussed things since the night I told him (which coincidentally did not happen how I wanted it to!). I am trying to find time to sit with him somewhere and make out a list of pros and cons for both keeping the child and, again... you know the other one! My boyfriend feels that adoption is not an option because he cannot imagine putting his own child through that kind of "torment". He has a friend who is adopted, who's girlfriend is currently pregnant (around 5 months along I believe). His friend's life is not the best. He is worried that our child's life would be the same if we give it to another family. I am trying to remember every question and all that was said that I want to respond to, but my memory is not that great. Yes! I did smile! Thank you for the congratulations!! :) Moving out...We are still planning on moving out together. He is worried, though, that if we do and we keep the baby, we will not be able to give it the best life. When I say that, I mean that he is thinking we will not be able to afford an actual house, lots of toys, etc. However, I feel that if we do keep the baby, he/she will have two parents that care and love for him/her. That is most important to me. One last thing, just to add in here. One of the big factors in my boyfriend's decision is the fact that he was an accident. Him and his father were in a fight and his dad yelled at him for being an accident. He doesn't want that to be the case with our child(ren). Again I want to THANK YOU! for everything. Any continuing advice is still very welcome! :)

My best advice is do what is right for you and good luck to you both. Pip :wings:

Please do not rush yourself into a decision you have plenty of time to make a decision. Research thoroughly your options - parenting, adoption, or abortion. I just read that adoption is not the option for you. So you are deciding between parenting and abortion at this stage of the game. If you are really leaning towards abortion remember that you are working on a time limit here. I have had an abortion and it is something that I would chose again, if placed in the same situation. If you'd like to talk to me more about that feel free to ask any questions. Parenting - do you have a desire to parent? If you do good for you! Remember babies do not need alot of "stuff" and there are lots of agencies and resources out there to help you out. I empathize with your boyfriend's concern about the baby being an "accident". I think that if the child is constantly having that thrown in his/her face then it is an issue and a big one at that. Many of us were accidents and turned out just fine. :) Anyways, best of luck!!

Your child does not need lots of toys or a house. He/she needs someone to love and adore him/her. Well, as far as your boyfriend being an accident - most of us are (60% was one number that I heard!) :D I am sorry that your boyfriend's father shared that with him in a moment of anger. It seems to have made a very negative impression on him, and I think it is great that he can talk about that with you. I am so impressed that you are making this decision together and really thinking about the options. Will your parents help you finish college? If so, I think that you will be fine. Good luck and hugs to both of you. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship. Happy G'Ma