anger phase of bereavement

I'm now going through the 'anger phase' of bereavement and this is so ****ed rough! It's the most profound and complex bereavement I've faced ever. "The angry self", as Betty Jean Lifton's book mentions, is now surfacing. Anger at society for its lack of understanding of adoption complexities, anger at societal injustice that lead to my birth parents' severe poverty, etc; What's particularly hard is that I feel anger towards myself. Feelings like I'd actually betrayed myself by getting sucked into the belief that adoption hadn't affected me. I feel like I'd somehow colluded in my own psychological/emotional downfall. And now that sense of self-betrayal is mixed with feelings of regret of not having conducted the search sooner so I coulda actually met my first parents, or somehow helped save them from their early, miserable deaths. Rationally I know that the above isn't the case - that "I did what I could", that "things happen for a reason", blah, rationalize, blah. But the feelings are still there and now I'm struggling like hell to somehow get through them. I now know the deep, heartfelt prayer/yearning for forgiveness - forgiveness of what's happened, forgiveness of myself, forgiveness as a path through which to somehow let go of all this anguish. Thanks for listening while I vent. I know I'll somehow 'get through' this dark tunnel, but the going's very, very rough in the meantime. I'd be interested to hear how others grappled with their 'angry self' as it emerged along their adoption journey.