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I would love to suggest an excellent book( "I'd Rather Be Laughing by Marilyn Meberg ) suggested for adoptees and adoptive parents that has a chapter "Standard Equipment" a Zippered Heart- written by an adoptive mother, regarding her daughter's search for her birth parents.The daughter's timing was not the best because her adoptive mom was recently widowed and her son, the only other child just got married and moved away.This book reveals wonderful insight into the adoptive mom's process/feelings regarding this situation in honesty. But in the end this adoptive mom, the author who has turned her "hurt feelings" to God, turns a corner in support of her daughter, and enjoys the reunion. I know this is an ideal story, but shows where faith in God/prayer can be helpful and also a wonderful glimpse into the heart and mind of an adoptive mom facing the complex emotions in her daughter's search and reunion.
You can likely find used copies of the book very inexpensive on half.com and amazon.com. A great chapter on adoption search by the adoptive parents' view. I printed most of this chapter in a former issue of Adoption Blessings Journal, a free outreach publication.
A great read! Author is inspiring, humorous and honest with a faith perspective emphasis.
Jody ;)
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The adoptive mom, author of the book listed above is one of the main speakers for The Women of Faith Conferences that travel across the US and have women's Christian conferences usually in big cities- and mostly in the summer months I believe. Great read for adoptive parents and adoptees to see emotions and feelings from both sides of adoption during adoption search for birth family and reunion.
Jody ;)
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Jody,
I have read the book "The Zippered Heart" by Marilyn Meberg, in which she also includes the story about her adopted daughter finding her birth parents and moving to live near them.
As an adoptive parent, I would hope that I would be able to be as selfless as Marilyn was if Joseph (or soon, Brayan as well) would like to find their birth parents, and then decided to move to be nearer to them. I think my sense of loss would be huge, and I know I would have to fight feelings of jealousy. But I also want what's best for my children, and it is my hope that they would be able to find whatever they feel they need to know about their birth families, when they are older.
On the other hand, I also have feelings of concern over searching for birth parents--they may well find that the situation is not what they had imagined, and they may find that their birth mothers are not eager to include them in their lives. As a mother, it hurts me to think that my child might be hurt emotionally by that situation.
Thanks for sharing an insightful, great book that gives us all a level of selflessness to aspire to!
Carolyn
Hi Carolyn, thanks so much for sharing your story and views on adoption reunion. I am glad you read this book chapter by Marilyn Meberg, adoptive parent on how she navigated her daughters search and reunion with her birth parents.
Meberg in her book, I'd Rather Be Laughing" is very honest on her emotions which are very common regarding maternal feelings. I believe that one has to view reunion as extended family in the adoptee's life. For reunion cannot undo all the years and love of mothering and the mother's role. Yet one can feel a threat that their motherly position might change. My adoptive mom and I became even closer after adoption reunion with my birth family. I know my mom viewed my birth family as new persons in my life to enhance my life and my identity and heritage.It was a process for her but by meeting my birth family and embracing them, she felt very comfortable. By my adoptive mom's acceptance and understanding of my need, it drew me even closer to her with gratitude and thankfulness that she could be emotionally present for me. And I have reminded her continually that "She is my mom" and no one else will ever be "mom" for me.
Blessings to you Carolyn and thanks so much for your honesty and sharing with us!
Jody