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First I would like to say how happy I am to have found this site. I've been so stressed out the last week trying to figure out where my mind is going and what to do. I found out 4 days ago that I was 6 weeks pg. I have 3 wonderful children and love them more then anything. I went through a divorce 2 years ago and have been in a seroius relationship with a really great guy for almost a year.
He has told me before how much he wants to be a father someday and he LOVES children. We are doing well in our realtionship but taking it really slow. Until now.. I told him the day after I went to the doctor's and he said "well.. I'm not ready to be a father right now and I just don't think it's the right time for this." Then he asked me what I was thinking and how I felt about it. I told him that I was confused scared and just unsure. We talked for a little bit about and he said something about fairytales and how it just seems like the wrong time for us. Of course I started crying and he just said .. well if you want to keep it .. I'll support you and it's pretty much my choice.
But what am I suppose to feel like now? I'm a single mom with 3 kids already and I can't even imagine adding a baby into the picture. We havent talked about since that night and I can tell he feels really uncomfortable when he thinks I might start to bring it up. I'm just really at a loss as to what to say to him or what to do... I'm starting to feel angry with him and I can tell at any moment I'm gonna lose it. I don't think he undersatnds that it's always on my mind.
To top it off the first thing out of his mouth was "well, I guess we should get married." and then I said ..can you please be serious about this.. and he said " I'am .. well not about getting married" Does he think I'm trapping him? I'm sorry to ramble about this but I'm really so alone right now I can't tell or talk to anybody about this. I'm so confused... a big part of me wants this baby.. and another big part thinks.. yeah this is really not the right time.
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yeah this is really not the right time.
No time is the perfect time for a child. Even people who have planned and tried for their baby for years can find themselves caught off guard when they are finally pregnant because.... the car breaks down, their taxes increase or one parent (or both!) lose their jobs.
Financial constraints do not have to dictate whether or not we, as parents, will be the best we can be for our child(ren). Can you provide food? (On that topic, breastfeeding exclusively (meaning, nothing else) for a year saves a BOATLOAD of money.) Can you provide a roof over the child's head? Can you provide love? Children don't need fancy clothing, the best, new toys or any of the extra stuff that advertising and other parents make us believe children need. They need fed. They need their physical needs met (diapers changed, doctors visits for colds, a roof over their head). And they need love.
You have three children. I know that puts a financial strain on things. But even you can admit that, even with finances being strapped, you have nothing but love for your children. No, adding another one wouldn't be easy but it can be done. Hard work is good for the soul. ;)
Now, as for the father situation, you need to come to a point where you are secure in what you are doing and then you need to provide him with options. He can grow up and be a father, with you. He can pay child support. Or a myriad of other situations. But letting him simply say, "I don't think I'm ready to be a father right now," won't cut it. Tell him responsibilities are responsibilities and tell him his options. He may get angry but only because he knows that you are right.
Keep your head up high. You can do this.
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Well, I hope you are doing ok. Since he was ok being intimate, he needs to deal with reality and you shouldn't be afraid to bring up the topic. Do you think you could possibly go to a few sessions alone and perhaps together to a physcologist. He may need to talk to someone about the situation and really discuss what he expects of your relationship. Neither one of you want to get married "just because" of a pregnancy because it may make matters worse. Esp since you already have children of your own. I know a lot of people do not like Planned Parenthood, but maybe they have a counselor that could give you some thoughts. How about your OBGYN? Can you make a call to his nurse and ask her if you can meet with him - they counsel people also and he may be able to give you some advise also. Whenever I have a concern, I write a few lists w/ columns - you may want to do something like: Boyfriend Good Traits/Bad Traits - Do I love him - is he marriage material. Reasons to keep baby/ is adoption an option. Remember your children also will be affected by this. If boyfriend is feeling hesitant, trust your vibes. You both need to discuss this. Anyway - hope I helped. Write privately if you wish. Hugs,
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