Need help please

First an interstate compact agreement will need to be met. Both states will be involved at that point. If I were you I would contact an adoption attorney and ask these questions. We as an adoptive couple had to meet our state requirements which included a home study. Call a lawyer and see what they say. Good luck. I to believe God leads us down our path and everything happens for a reason.

Most private adoption agencies handle "identified adoptions" meaning they aren't introducing you to a birthmother but you have found your own and need assistance with the paperwork. Your agency should be able to do a pretty quick homestudy if you get your paperwork done in a timely manner. Get started immediately. Check out the adoption laws in birthmother's state as to amount of time before she can sign relinquishment. Then ICPC paperwork will have to be filed and you will be staying in her state until ICPC is approved, at which time you can return to your home state with the baby. As for flying, I guess you'll have to find a way to do so, knowing the reward will be great. Best wishes. The days after the baby's birth and before birthmother signs the paperwork are very, very difficult. Watching a birthmother place a child that she deeply loves can make it difficult for you to feel the joy but, again, the rewards are great. Pray for strength on your end, pray for your birthmother that she finds comfort and peace with her decision. And I'll keep you in my prayers also. Josie

Do we have to use an agency? My husbands work pays for all laywer fees etc. I thought the purpose of an angency was tohelp place adoptive parenst with birth mothers etc? Am I wrong? I just want this to go fast so there is not much waiting time. Unfortunately I don't have the luxury of being able to be away from work for more then a few days. That's really what I'm worried about. I just started a new job and don't have any days built up. I also meant to ask..to anyone who has adopted before, what are some questions I should ask the birth mother?

My advice to you, Think about what kind of conact you will be comfortable after the baby is born. Ask the birthmom how she feels as well and discuss. It is really important that you are on the same page. Good Luck Leigh

The best advice I would give, would be careful. If you feel that you know this person well enough then by all means go for it,

No, you do not have to use an agency but you do need an attorney to represent you and one for the pbmother. You should find one in your area that handles adoption and then they can walk you through the process. You will need a homestudy and this can be done fast, ours was started the month our daughter was born and finished when she was 3 months old. I am not sure about the cost you would have because our bmother lives in the same city as us so we didn't have travel and interstate laws. Good luck!

Singjenn, It sounds from your posts like everything is happening very fast for you and your head is spinning from all of this. If you can, try to take a deep breath and try to calmly address each aspect of this process as you move forward. As others have said, you will need a homestudy and a lawyer who specializes in adoption to help you through the logistics. Check out [url]www.adoptionattorneys.org[/url] where you can search by your state and the expectant mom's state to find adoption lawyers for each of you. Has the expectant mom (she's not a birthmom until/unless she places her child for adoption) actually said she'd like you to be the parents of her baby? This is a huge decision for her and it will need to be one she makes and remakes many times between now and her baby's birth and beyond... In the meantime, it would be great for you to have these next 5-8 weeks to take care of yourself emotionally as you prepare for possible parenthood. One thing you said about this was particulary striking: "but it's just about raising someone elses child as my own. its scary." Not sure exactly what you meant. But I agree, it is scary in a sense. Adoption is a leap of faith in so many ways. I encourage you and dh to take this time before you potentially become parents through adoption to talk honestly and openly with one another about your hopes, fears, concerns, expectations, etc. both about parenting in general and becoming adoptive parents specifically. If you feel that its hard to tackle these topics on your own, counseling might help. Dh and I went to many months of counseling before becoming 1st time adoptive parents and we found it extremely helpful. In terms of talking with the expectant mom, as she is a friend of yours already, just build on the relationship you have and get to know her even more. As others have mentioned, its important for all of you to consider the level of contact you will want following the baby's arrival. Its a good thing to think and talk about this a lot to make sure you are all comfortable with the plans. Finally, in terms of your work, it would be important to consider your childcare plans for after the baby's birth. You can expect to spend some days in the state where the baby is born awaiting ICPC (interstate compact) ok to come home. Then, once you are home, you will want some time with your new baby before having to go back to work. Can you husband take any time off? Could a family member help out? Most daycare settings that I've heard will not take a baby younger than 6 weeks old. Just some things to consider... I know its a lot. But taking things step by step seems like the best way to go. Good luck with whatever happens. I wish the best for you, the expectant mom and baby-to-be.

Moderator note: The letters B & M are asterick-ed because they are not an accepted format for birthmom/bmom on the forum. Just a heads up as to what was going on! Please type out bmom.Do you have the money to find a counselor before the child is born? Or your pastor! That could greatly help you sort out some emotions in the time being.NOTE: The expectant mother will ALSO need an attorney to represent HER in this matter. If she doesn't have the money for one, do you? Other note: She needs counseling, if she hasn't had some all ready, so that she is at least informed of the emotional turmoil that is post-placement. While she may understand that this is the RIGHT decision for her child, she needs to be informed so that she is not all of a sudden slammed with unexpected emotional turmoil. Can you afford to pay for that?

I'd definitely hook up with a reputable agency or adoption attorney. One or the other is going be to necessary to get you through the homestudy and actual adoption process. They will also be able to guide you after placement, especially if it is an open adoption arrangement.It would probably be helpful for the pmom to have some counseling, for her to be sure she's making the right decision and also to aid her post-placement if she does decide to place the baby with you. You say you just started a new job and are worried about taking time off. Will you be able to arrange a leave of abscence to care for your newborn?There's a hesitancy in your posts that is a wee bit concerning. I would stop and take a moment to evaluate your feelings, your husband's feelings, and the situation as a whole. It took my husband and I two years of discussion to and thought to get to the point where we were mentally and emotionally ready to go forward with this process. Since signing with our agency last October, we've attended classes, workshops, meetings and support groups. I can't imagine going into adoption WITHOUT fully exploring the depths of the process. I'm not trying to put you down or discourage you-- but this is a major, life-long commitment and it is best to go into it with your eyes wide open.