What to do???

Scared22, Having an abortion just because this man wants you to would be the worst possible reason for having one. You have three options and make sure you choose the right one for you...nobody else. The first is abortion which which I get the impression you really don't want to do so don't. The second is to parent and reading between the lines you do want. The third is adoption. From what you have posted you really do want to parent but your concern is your relationship with this man. Your baby is far more important than this man so if I was in your position and wanted to parent I would do so. This man would then have the choice of supporting you and your child or keeping away and not pressurize you. If however you do decide adoption is the better plan make sure you research and get good, unbiased support. At the end of the day you and your unborn child are far more important than this man so whilst he has a right to to his opinions and feelings he shouldn't be allowed to force you to do something you don't want to do. Most importantly take care of yourself, keep asking questions and asking for support from here as we will give it to you. Pip :wings:

Scared, I agree with the other posters. Don't have an abortion just to appease this man. Chances are, even if you do have one, it will have been such a scare that he'll leave you after this is "fixed" anyway. His problems are his, not yours. Do what you feel in your heart you want to do. Don't make this decision for anyone else. Make it for you and for your child. If you feel in your heart one choice is right, that's what you should do. Take the time to really imagine this playing out. And picture how you want it to play out. Good luck. And, um, congratulations. ;-)

I also agree with everyone else. A "friend" of mine was just PG with her 2nd child, she can't handle the one she has and probably shouldn't be a parent in the 1st place. Well, she kept saying she wanted to miscarry, she was a high risk case, she did miscarry and then was devastated. You need to examine your feelings deep within you. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you choose, but please don't choose abortion, the child didn't do anything wrong to have this happen. Best of luck and Congrats!!

I'm so sorry you're in this place. You have received wonderful advice. I agree that it sounds like you want to parent your baby - and that its something you could handle. If that's what you want, get some emotional support from friends or family and DO IT. Get away from this man - he's not good for you. If you decide you can't parent, DON'T ABORT. Pregnancy is just nine months out of your life - you can give that up to nourish that life inside of you and provide them with a healthy and happy adoptive home.

You wrote, I am financially sound and emotionally stable but I feel like I might be harming my child emotionally by the situation I am in with the father. You have some time to figure out what that situation is (will you stay with him, will he stay with you?) The fact is that you refer to the baby as "My child." That says to me that an abortion could/would have some devasting effects on your life. Many women have thought they could have an abortion and there would be no more problem. They weren't prepared for the emotional maelstrom that followed. Know as well, that there are no guarantees that you will ever be able to become preganant again, even when you feel the timing is right. (This by the way, was one of the arguments my mother used against adoption. And, of course what she said was true, although my other 2 children show it was not in my the case.) For me and my son, adoption was the right answer. I'm still convinced of that after 33 years. It may not be the right answer for you. (just a thought -- baby or married man -- relationship with the baby is a surer thing!) I will hold you in my prayers,Kathy

Everyone is right. I absolutely want to keep the child and have no intentions of putting him/her up for adoption. He still seems to think the abortion is the way to go but I already had a miscarriage earlier this year and was heartbroken. I can't give up this child. About the married man, I really don't expect anything from him. I don't expect him to leave his wife for me or do anything. If he wants nothing to do with the child I am prepared to tackle that feat and raise the child on my own. I know that my family and friends would be there to support me. But honestly I might sound like I have everything figured out when I am really shaking inside. Scared of raising a child, not knowing what to do, scared that my family will reject me, my child, or both of us for my relationship with the child's father. There's so many things that I just don't know how I will handle and because I am somewhat embarrased and afraid to talk to people about the relationship and pregnancy I have been keeping everything to myself which seems to be horrible because it is eating me up inside.

Scared, I think all of your concerns are normal.. even for people who planned pregnancies. Yours are compounded a little bit, sure, having had a relationship with the person you did. BUT, it sounds like you have a strong family connection, and that's more than what many people have. And your family, just from the warmth of your post it's clear how much you care for them, they will be there for you. Maybe someone will say something stupid to you at first, but it will settle in, and I bet long before your baby is born they will all be completely supportive. If they are not, they will be soon after they see that little baby. ;-) We tried to become parents for four years.. and it finally happened 8 weeks ago. AND, we were afraid of all the same things. Scared that we wouldn't know what to do, wouldn't be able to (or that the child wouldn't like us), scared that our relatives would look down on us or DD, and our relationship with her bparents. When we got home with her, we were SCARED TO DEATH to be alone with her! But we did it, and are doing it, and it's so not scary anymore. Yeah, I worry about her getting a bad cold... she's so little and doesn't really know how to cough or anything. But, we'd deal with it. And our fears were all baseless. Normal, but baseless. Our families have embraced her as warmly as they have every other child born into our families. The one thing we are still working on is some relatives just don't GET adoption, let alone open adoption, but we were prepared for these minor growing pains with them.

Scared, hugs to you and keep coming here for support as we will keep supporting. I found my son in Aug 2004, he had found my family years ago, long story why they didn't tell him where I was or tell me he had contact with him. My parents still wont discuss him with me so for different I can empathise how badly family can behave. So many have also suffered because of their parents/families for different reasons so you ARE in a safe haven here. You are courageous so everytime you think you're not remind yourself how far you have come already. Pip :wings:

Scared,Good for you to not let him pressure you into an abortion if that's not what's right for you. I know how it feels to be afraid to tell family and friends...I was terrified to tell my parents that I was pregnant and had made an adoption plan. I knew they were going to react badly (they did). I hoped they would eventually get past it and accept my choice (they have). Some of your family and friends may be negative at first, but I bet some of them will surprise you with their concern and understanding. Seeing a counselor to help you sort through your feelings could be helpful. Best of luck to you, Scared. *hugs*

Don't worry - NO one EVER has it all figured out. There is no shame in being confused and scared. Congratulations! It sounds like you are on the way to becoming a mommy! No, its not going to be easy - and yes, it wil l take some effort on your part to straighten things out in your life. But you will NEVER EVER regret doing these things to make a better life for you and your child!

Scared, My daughter was pregnant last year and the dad took off after she told him no abortion. She was NOT financially secure but eventually decided that she wanted to raise her son so she asked me and her dad for help. She moved back home with us to finish college. She is a wonderful mom and this little guy (almost a year old!!) is everything to us. My daughter was terrified to tell me and her dad. We helped her tell our family. We actually made a list and divided up the names! It has been a hard year and a half and there are still issues to resolve with the dad - but no regrets, not one. Hugs, Happy G'Ma

It sounds like you have come to some conclusions. Good for you. We adopted but I firmly believe if you are able to parent it is the best thing for all involved. But if not definately adopt out. There are so many wonderful families who would give a baby a loving home. It also sounds like your man might want his cake and to eat it too. If he is doing this to his family now why wouldn't he do it to you? You are a better person than this and deserve someone who can commit to you 100%. Good luck and some prayers can't hurt either!

Breaking the news can be such a scary thing! (I waited until I was almost 7 months pregnant before I told my parents - after my Mom asked!) Like you I was embarrassed about the whole situation. (All the more because "I knew better!") Try to remember that you only have to live one day at a time! (If a day is too much -- try 10 minutes!) This is a good place to express the thoughts and emotions that are "eating you up inside." You are bound to find many people who understand what you are experiencing, because they've been there. (Always remember though that our advice may only be worth what you pay for it! Listen to your own heart and mind to discover what is best for you.) 33 years after being in shoes very similar to yours I have a different challege. I am in reunion with my bson and now get to explain him to people who didn't know of his existance! (I didn't find it necessary to announce to the parish when I accepted a call to be their pastor that, "Oh, by the way, I placed a child for adoption when I was 21.") Luckily, I've always emphasized that their pastor is not perfect. (Don't put me on a pedestal -- it's too far to fall!) Take a few deep breaths. Relax a little and trust yourself. Blessings, Kathy

:wings: Just follow your heart and your gut feeling.. dont let him make you feel like you have to do anything. We are all here for you.*BUG HUGS*:grouphug:

He's not going to be the first married man in this predicament. He does have to pay child support to you, no matter if he has children with his wife. It's not the best situation obviously for a child, but with your love and proper parenting, it can be overcome. And you never know what the future holds. Perhaps he or she will have a great relationship with the father or perhaps you will get married and the baby will have a great relationship with the stepfather.