Unplanned pregnancy..for a reason?

Children need and deserve, love, shelter, clothing and food. Food can be provided for free for up to a year (or more, but up to a year breastfeeding can be done exclusively). If you have three children, no doubt that they can hand clothes down to the new child. If you all ready have a place to live, the shelter is provided. If not, you can look into applying for housing. As for the love, as you all ready have three children, I'm sure you understand how easily that flows forth.I encourage you to exhaust all resources regarding parenting before you even begin to research adoption. Thoroughly research breastfeeding and the state assistance available to your family. Adoption is often a permanent to solution to what is a temporary situation. Also, discuss this with your parented, living children. Placement will GREATLY effect them.PS - Re: your title under your name: please don't shortchange yourself. You are not a birthmother. You are an expectant mother. Treat yourself like one and demand that others treat you as one.

Robin, can't add any more to what Jenna has said for practical help as I'm British so things are a bit here but please research as much as possible. You haven't relinquished yet so an appropiate title for you would be mom-to-be :grouphug: . Pip :wings:

Hi Robin, It sounds to me like you're saying that the biggest obstacle is not having enough (or any) emotional or practical support and so the thought of parenting another child completely alone is overwhelming you. Am I understanding you? Is the father in the picture at all? Is there anything you can do to build your support network? Maybe try a group like MOPS ([url="http://www.mops.org/"]www.mops.org[/url]) or join a church/synagogue/etc. (whatever your religious persuasion is)? Maybe you could contact La Leche league in your town and find some support there, beyond just breastfeeding help. If money is the issue, please sign up for every program you can possibly qualify for. Don't feel bad. It's temporary and it's for a good cause. Good luck with whatever you choose.

I am 31 now and relinquished my child 6 years ago. At the time I had three children already and decided that as a single mother I did not have the time or financial resources to raise another child. Working two to three jobs and long hours I didn't see the children I had much and were raised by family or an unsuportive abusive boyfriend at the time.I lived on financial aid and I could not stand to bring another child up in the "ghetto". My oldest son says that expierance hardened him kids constantly picking on the caucasion boy. He got thrown off his bike and the other kid rode it around the corner and threw it in the dumpster. He's a good kid but still goes to anger management due to his father coming in and out of his life also. This was another reason for the adoption. I did not want to raise anymore children without their father. My 12 year old, and 15 year old have a deep pain that they occasionally express about missing their dads. Anyway, I've been there and if you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me.

I read your post and my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine the hard decision of placing a baby up for adoption. Our adoption story was also a birth mom who did not know exactly what to do. She also, did not have support, she knew abortion was not for her, and keeping the baby was not an option for her either. Through friends of friends she had heard of us...We had longed to adopt for years. Only praying to God one day our prayers might be answered. Little did we know God's plan for our paths to cross. The birth mom and I became very good friends and still are to this day. I thank God for her decision of life for her baby and for the choice of adoption. The birth mom tells us all the time she knows in her heart her pregnancy was not a mistake, but a miracle for a couple who wanted a baby more then anything in this world!! Words cannot even begin to express how much this angel means to us!!! He is are whole world!! We were the birth mom's support through her pregnancy and we thank God everyday we met. We will be so proud to let our angel know of his special adoption story and the love that comes from adoption. Please if you need someone to listen or be there for you -Just pm me... May God Bless you and your decision....

I wish you inner strength and peace during these tough times. I have never been in your shoes, facing an unplanned pregnancy, but I do know that raising more than one child takes immense time, energy and committment. Thinking of your child's needs, before yourself, is the ultimate loving sacrifice expressed in adoption. M

Wow I hope your situation gets better for you and your family real soon. If you are unable to support another child and you feel this is the best thing to do for the baby's sake then look at all the resources and options because open adoption may help your family deal with it better. But if you find that parenting would be better than please look into any help that you can get because there are alot of programs that offer assistance that will help you raise all of your children. But please use the rest of your pregnancy to figure out what to do because if you sign your rights away before you are completly confident that is what you need to do then you will be facing a life long heart break. Just think of everything before you have the baby so when the time comes you are confident. I hope the best for you and your family.

Hi. I am the bio mom of 3 and amom to 1...total of 4 for those with math issues :rolleyes: (I am one who is mathmatically challenged). I don't know the ages of your other kids, but my oldest is 5 yrs and youngest is 7 months. I think the most stressful time is right after the birth when you are recovering. I had a c-section, so it was a little longer than the traditional method. Once that was done, it has been no more difficult than having 3. It may sound odd, but it is true. I nurse, so it forces me to take a break and HEAL. I'm sure for a woman with any of her kids in school there would be an added relief. I had the baby clothes. I had the bottles, blankets, carseat, stroller, and crib. I didn't have to buy much except diapers, wipes, and new mipples and binkies. I got some new outfits as gifts once the people knew the sex of the youngest. I am doing laundry anyway...just toss in some extra, tiny clothes. I am cleaning anyway...I am changing diapers anyway. It isn't quiet with 3 kids anyway! LOL!!! And I waved "bye-bye" to sleep years ago! ;) I realize they grow up and there is more to parenting than laundry and hand-me-down onsies, but who knows where you will be in 9 months? 18 months? 36 months? I am all for adoption if you think it will be best for your baby. God knows I would rather see a woman place her baby if she feels she isn't able to parent for whatever reason than have an abortion. Please see what is available in your area to help meet your needs so that you can decide what is going to be best for you, your baby, and your other 3 children. I wish there was something I could do to help. We are in an semi-adoption situation...no visits, but that is basically due to location etc... Open adoption may bea way for you and your other children to better adjust to the adoption while allowing you to enjoy your baby without all the pressure of parenting. (((Prayers))) and (((HUGS))) From one mommy of 4 to another...

[QUOTE=DeNaJaOpen adoption may bea way for you and your other children to better adjust to the adoption while allowing you to enjoy your baby without all the pressure of parenting. [/QUOTE] I really feel I have to address the myth of open adoption being a way to "enjoy your baby without all the pressure of parenting." Open adoption is hard. Seeing your child call someone else Mom, seeing your child become firmly attached to someone else is difficult. Walking away after a visit, especially if your child is young and you do not know if they will even recognise you the next visit can be heartbreaking. That does not mean it may not the right thing for you to do. I am a firm believer that open adoption, if an adoption needs to take place, is the best thing for the child and the mother. But open adoption can be really difficult for birthparents, especially in the beginning. There are many birthparents who choose semi-open adoption not becuse they do not want to enjoy their child, but because it is just too hard on them emotionally. All this said, I think all of us benefited from open adoption in a myriad of ways despite the difficulties navigating the relationship. I was able to be at violin recitals ands baseball games. I got to go to his high school graduation and he got to go to my graduation when I got my MSW. Most importantly my son and I have never been strangers to each other. We have our own very special, relaxed relationship that most who go into reunion need years to achieve. There are no "lost years" for us. The loss is more about who we would both be had I parented him. The loss is that, no matter how close we get, I am still not his parent. I guess my point is, do not see open adoption as this wonderful thing that will give you boundless pleasure and no responsibility. Being a birhparent in an open adoption is a lot of hard work and you are making a committment to your child to be an involved, consistant, positive presence in his or her life. It means you are there even if all you want to do is hide under a rock. There is a huge amount of responsibility in that.

YOu are comletely right, Brenda. I am sorry if I was not more clear. We are dealing with a situation in which the adoption is semi-open...no visits. We agreed all agreed on this at 1st for all involved and I believe out of a spirit of fear on all of our parts. Later, we expressed our willingness for visits and she her interest, but nothing ever materialized. After mentioning it once and us agreeing, she dropped it entirely and it has never come up again. There could be a whole host of reasons for this an none of which do we see in a negative way. She was very young when she had the baby and we live in different states. She is a busy teen with a job, friends, boyfriend, etc... Plus, there may be a fear of opening up that wound. What I meant, but didn't articulate well is that if the adoption were open, she and har other children could be a part of the life of the child/sibling. They could see pictures, videos, visit, etc... They wouldn't, as you put it, be "strangers". She would have an emotional burden either way...she is the mother. But she wouldn't have all the financial responsibilities that seem to have her looking towards this option. She would know the child was being raised by the family of her choice in an environment she is happy with. She could be a part of the child's life, but not have all the pressures of doctor visits, medical coverage, daily bills, etc... With our situation, it turned out that our daughter has special needs. Her doctor bills have been pretty substantial and her monthly prescriptions are nearly $200 out of pocket. Knowing the situation of my daughter's birth mom, we wonder how she would have been able to handle all this...it is hard for 2 adults! I have 3 bio kids and knew she wasn't hitting milestones. I got her help ASAP. She has had lots of testing, but the specialists still have no diagnosis. She has PT, OT, and speech. I imagine it would be very difficult for a young teenager, with no licence, to get a child to specialists, therapists, etc... I feel priviledged to be able to take on this responsibility so that she might enjoy her childhood and enjoy the less stressful aspects of having a child. I hope this makes sense! I hope this isn't offending anyone. I know people deal with what they need to deal with the best way they can and I know she loves her daughter and would have done her best if she had parented. She tells me she is glad she made the decision she did for herself and her daughter. I have to trust her on that one. She tells me how happy and grateful she is and how she is so glad she placed with us. This was a weight lifted because I know it is hard and I want to make er proud of the job we are doing and never regret her decision. Further, I KNOW it was hard to walk away. We were with her for 5 hours at the hospital I never cried so much in all my life! My heart broke for her! At the time, I had 2 bio kids and I could imagine what she was feeling. Our joy was her pain. It was crushing for me to witness and be a party to. She is the strongest person I know. And she clearly LOVES her daughter more than herself...she IS a mother in every way. The only difference is she isn't raising her daughter. She has the HEART of a mother.