Medical Bills

So stick the firstmom with the bills (not her parents because they're in HER name and will thus effect HER credit rating). Ruin a young woman's credit rating because she was under the impression that it was taken care of?That's really helping her get a new start.

I'm not sure she would be "sticking her with the bills". I mean, it's everyone's fault all around this wasn't taken care of. But I'm not sure how sticking the adoptive parents with the bill and ruining thier credit is getting anywhere either?? I know if I had to pay 10,000 I sure as heck just plain and simply couldn't. I can't stand people assuming that adoptive parents have all the money in the world (which is kinda the impression I got here). I think they need to hit a compromise. Talk to the hospital, talk to other people, but if the money was not agreed upon in the beginning, why should you automatically assume they have to pay it? Now, if they agreed to pay ALL and ANY medical then that is one thing. It's not like something came up medically, this was a mistake on everyone's part..... Sorry- don't mean to seem like I am attacking, I'm not... Natalie

No one ever said that the adoptive parents are made of money. Heck, I make more than the average adoptive parent family (just posted in my blog). But if they said they were going to pay it, YES, it should ruin THEIR credit as opposed to HERS. 10,000 bills come up for all sorts of reasons: car accidents, house fires, catastrophic weather. I'm not the type to just ignore a debt because I don't feel like paying it or I don't have the money right now. I make the calls. I set up a payment plan. And then it doesn't touch my credit report.At this point, since so much time has passed, the girl's credit report is all ready being attacked. Decisions need to be made yesterday to make ammends. If the adoptive family is going to cop out and not pay, they can at least call the hospital or, at this point, the credit agency and explain the situation, rectify it and set up a payment plan for the firstmom that is do-able. Morally? It's still wrong. But there are options if they don't want to step up and do what they said they would.

I do agree that if it was agreed to pay they need to pay, definetely. I was pretty sure you didn't suggest the adoptive parent thing (you are not like that), but i know there are a LOT of people out there who do make those assumptions...and it makes me very defensive :) I am on the fence on this one. On one hand, it was the birth of YOUR child, on the other hand, if you specifically agreed to pay 20% then that is all you should be held to. Now, if this adoption was done through a lawyer/ agency I would be pretty angry at THEM and I would wonder why this hadn't been taken care of before. To me this is something that they would be sure was taken care of. Now, i'm not making excuses for any of the parties (like i said before I believe they are ALL at fault). I guess I am glad I have an agency that takes care of all this (i dont pay direct bmom expenses) and this is one of the reasons why i did. Anyways, sorry if I'm rambling!! :) Good luck, and please please don't just leave it like it is. No matter what happens SOMEthing must be done. In the end, it is better you pay for it then let the birthmom take the brunt, no matter what was agreed upon. It really isn't her fault.....and I have a feeling it would be easier on you than her, but that is just morally the right thing to do, not obligation legally..... (told you i'm on the fence! LOL) Natalie

number- I was wondering the same thing. How the adoption was that expensive without medical bills and agency involvement. And i totally agree with you that this should have been taken care of long before this. I don't think the young girl should have to worry about it. I guess it all depends on what was stated before the adoption. What was talked about....not that I think she should have to pay for it anyways.... I am not understanding where the expense went. Medical and agency fees are the two MAIN expenses...if there were none of these, how was the adoption so expensive? And what is expensive to you? Like I said before, if there was agency involvement and they let this happen I would be VERY angry at them. Agencies are there to provide support through this process and guide us..... Anyways, I didn't mean to sound that I think the bmom should take on the expense. That is not at all what I meant...I do feel for that poor bmom (and really everyone involved)..... Natalie

That is a hard situation. Because not only is it a legal issue it's also a moral one. Technically...it sounds like they only agreed to pay 20%(the amount the insurace wouldn't cover). Well, it turns out the insurance only covered 10 percent(so are they still legally bound o pay the remaining portion the insurance wouldn't cover even when it has turned into 90%). I guess that is really up to the lawyer they used and the original agreement and how it was worded. Morally.... I do believe the adoptive parents should pay the bill. This is something that turned out to be unexpected...it's not like it was planned. It seems awful to leave the birthmother with a huge bill when she gave you such a precious gift of parenting her child. It seems like the least you could do(even if it took years to pay off...to you it is just money....and maybe making do with out some extras). To her she has lost her child and now is stuck with a huge bill. So not only is she hurting emotinally she will also be hurting financially as well for many years to come. I think the honorable thing to do...if you've tried everything else to get the insurance company to pay or the hosptial or your lawyer.... would be for the adoptive family to take over the bill.

I have called every party involved. The hospital will only deal with the birthmom.. So she is having to do that. Contacted the anesthesiologist, they will not put the bill in our name. Won't even send us the bill. They want 150.00 a month payment cause nothing has been paid. Can't do that.. And we are paying for the ob/gyn. Nothing was really said because it happened so fast. We said we would help pay what insurance is not paying. I think the birthmom's parents just assumed we would take responsibility for them all. No one even called to see what her insurance would pay. No agency, Cause we could not use one... The lawyers were there on our part for the finalization and that was all. If I would of known what to do we could of put something down in writing but we were both clueless on what we needed to do.. But right now out birthmom is still working with the hospital for the "charity". We did help her with her car payments while she was off work due to C-section.. I appricate all the posts... I don't want this to ruin her credit.. But I feel like her parents should help out just a little bit.. I offered to pay half if they would pay half. They said no.. They just made me mad.. We don't talk now. Sooooooooooo anyway

ohhhhhhhh The reason it was so expensive was because we had to stay in the state for 6 weeks,,, Hotel, Car, Food, Baby stuff,, For six weeks plus pay for bills at home without working..So we lived off of credit cards, paid most bills with them.. So now we are paying them off. Our lawyer told us that we would only be there for 2 weeks... So we had only planned for that.. That is way it has cost us.. And we were signed up with an agency so we had already paid 5000.00 to them, then they can't help us since it was out of state.. 3000.00 for lawyer in that state. When we get home 1000.00 for post placement. 2500.00 lawyer fees for finalization in our state. So private adoption was still very expensive...

Okay so I am confused. I think that a lot of the expenses that you had (granted i'm not saying it's pocket change or anything) isn't the bmoms fault. For example, the 5000 to agency which I still don't understand why they couldn't help.... Why did you have to stay 6 weeks in a different state? You can't pay 150$ a month? I mean, again, not pocket change, but I think it would be do-able for most. I don't mean to sound empathetic...i'm just not understanding. I think you have a moral obligation to pay for the medical bills. In the end, the only person going to be responsible is the bmom and that is not right. Do I think that her parents are out of line? Maybe, maybe not. But did you pay living expenses? How much was the OBGYN bill? What did you pay for there? I hate that you are suddenly being shoved with this, but it was, in the end, the mistake of the party who agreed to pay, and most of the time it is assumed the aparents will pay unless otherwise discussed. I hate to sound blunt, but it's not like we are talking about paying for rent, this is for the birth...of your son. I hope this helps, in the end you know the situation best. I just hope this doesn't end with the bmom being stuck with the bill (even 5,000 is a lot for her).... Natalie

We had to stay in the state of birth for 6 weeks because we had to wait 10 days for birth mom to sign over rights.. So when the 10 days were up it took another 10 days to get court date.. Then we had to wait another week for ICPC clearance.. Our adoption agency contacted an adoption agency in the state of birth, they were informed that that state would not do agency to agency adoptions. We can not claim our adoption credit until next year cause the adoption was not finalized by the end of 05. Yeah.. 150.00 is a lot of money.. My husband was off work for a shoulder injury.. I talked our birthmom and she was going to make the payment of 20.00 until he got back to work. SO when he was back to work.. I contacted them to make payment arrangements and they said since no payment was made but one.. I sent a payment to birthmom and that was the only payment ever made. So that was why the payment went up to 150.00 a month I did tell them that when we got the adoption tax credit we would pay them off.. BUt that wasn't good enough for them.. Was contacted by parents asking us to put up second Mortgage on house to pay off bills.. But we can't do that... SO ANYWAY!!!!! We will just pay the one bill that we have and see what happens then.. That is all we can do.. Like it or not....

I'm so sorry you are in this position.... :grouphug: I understand your frustration and don't mean to "downplay" the severity of it all to you and your family. I hope that something works out soon so it can be off all of your minds.... I would say just do what you can do, that is all anyone can ask....if you can't pay you just can't pay.... :) Sorry you and everyone involved are going through this... Natalie

We did not pay any medical bills- Our birthmom had state insurance, and we took financial responsibility for Kathyrn as soon as she was born- our insurance pd. for everything except a $70 lab bill. (Our insurance co. paid for the nursery charges- ALL OF THEM, and we did not even pay the required co-pay.) :cheer:

RaeNell, I'm glad you brought this to the forum, especially since my husband and I are trying to decide which route to pursue for adoption. Your situation has certainly enlightened me and I will definitely make certain we clearly communicate upfront what we can afford to pay. However, I really hate this for everyone involved but especially the birthmom because of the emotional state she must be in from placing her baby for adoption and then to have a huge medical bill looming over her head. I would just urge you to do what you can to resolve the situation in her favor. Good Luck Sheletha

Sheletha - Thanks for the post.. I felt like I was agrueing to everyone why we did what we did... I was thankful for our insurance it covered all the medial expenses on our DS. We have great insurance.. My advice is to make sure you know what will be covered and if possible get state help. IF ONLY I WOULD OF KNOWN.... I do worry about this hurting our ** credit. But there are ways around everything. But she has never mentioned it. It has been her parents harrasing us. I was told that we came and took what we wanted and that was the end of it. But you know that is not true... I have involved the ** in every part of his life. She is not letting this matter come between us. She is a lot stronger and braver then her parents could ever be. My parents would help me out so that I would not have bad credit.. If it was me... I just don't understand why they won't help their own daughter. But that is not my part to get involved in. Sooo I am rambling on and on again..

I am just not sure that it is THIER place to pay this....I think it is more your place than thiers. Maybe the bmom doesn't realize how this could affect her (i.e. credit wise, etc) like her parents do. I understand your frustrations....and I'm sorry that you feel like you are arguing, but you asked for opinions, in order to give opinions we need all the facts....My opinion is that you are more responsible for this bill than anyone. But that is just that, my opinion. I don't think that it was clear how much you would and would not pay so it left a lot of opening for exactly this situation. I'm very sorry this is happening and I hope a resolution is made SOON for everyone's sake. Now, in the end, do what you feel is right for the bmom and your family. Good luck!! Natalie