did you ever...

Ill answer your question Җ but I want to preface my answer with the following disclaimer: I am not, nor will I ever be so pro-adoptionђ that I will try to talk someone in to placing a child for adoption. I share my thoughts based on my experiences only, and through sharing my thoughts, I hope that whoever is reading will have more information, which will make the decision they are faced with easier to make. There, sorry about that. I am a birthmom, but before I was a birthmom, I was a mom. I have an 11 year old son who I parented before I got pregnant and subsequently placed my second born, now 10 year old daughter. You said: I'm just scared about if I parent on my own, that so much of my energy will go into raising a child, and I haven't even finished raising myself yet in a way you know what i mean? Good, Im glad youҒre scared that means your looking at this realistically and it should scare you. Is it impossible to have a life outside of single motherhood? I think it depends on your support system. Is it possible to raise a child while you֒re raising yourself? Sure, anything is possible For me, it wasnŒt about what my life would be in two years or two months or whatever it was about what I had to offer a child who was coming, now. It wasn֒t about money, or housing or WIC or Food Stampsfor me it was about my inability to be there emotionally for my baby, because of other circumstances in my life. It was about know that she deserved more than I had to offer. Having a baby will not change the way you were raised Ŗ but being pregnant can motivate you to find the help you need to not be your parents to your child. You mentioned above, the energy required to parent and you֒re right it does take everything you have (and more) to be a single parent ֖ because not only are you filling the role as mom, youre also filling the role as the second parent too. You will have to refocus your life. Being a single mom means having to do things differently҅but it can be done. Like I said, I was a single mom for almost six years and in those six years, I can count the number of times I went ֑out with friends on one hand. I worked and I worked hard Җ I wanted a lot for us and eventually, we got there. When I married my husband, I had completed my degree, built a new house, drove a new vehicle and had a live-in caretaker for my sonbut it took a lot of work. So, can it be done Ŗ yes, but doing it will take a lot of sacrafice.

It does take up a lot of your life and it does require sacrifice and hard work, but it's not forever. I have a 12 year older and I can tell you between school and the time spent with friends, it's really more guidance and support at this age than hands on care. It's not forever that they are in the needy time consuming stage.

Renegade, no posts from you lately, I hope you're doing ok...

hi everyone. thanks for all your responses... i've been really, really stressed out over this whole thing. i keep praying that a sign will come and tell me what will be best for me and my child, but its not coming! today i had my first ultrasound and it was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen... its such an emotional roller coaster. sometimes i cant deal with it. i know one way or another there are going to be regrets, but i just wish my decision was easier to make! i wish i had never gotten into this situation... im probably going to be too paranoid to have sex after this for years. ive never had something in my life that was this hard...

Perhaps the ultrasound was a sign? You're right; there will be regrets either way. Which one(s) can you live with, everyday and every night, for the rest of your life? That's the question. And tha answer is different for every last one of us.

Sometimes we forget that God allows us to go through hard times to show us strength we could have never known! You dont walk your road alone. Sometimes the right choice is the most painful. You will have all the grace you need, but only when you need it, never before.

In 1969 I got pregnant. I was seventeen. My boyfriend reluctantly agreed to marry me, then made my life hell until we split 6 years later. By then, I'd had another child...I was 19 when he was born. At 23 I was single-parenting two little kids, working 3 jobs to make ends meet, going to night school and not having a lot of 20-something-type fun. My twenties were very, very hard. By my mid-thirties, things got better. I was able to get better jobs, my kids were teens and fun to be with. By the time I turned 40, they were grown, independent, happy adults. I sold a business I'd started and a condo, bought myself a backpack and a round-the-world air ticket and took off for a year. While traveling, a whole new life presented itself...and I grabbed it. I'm now 54. My bio kids are 36 and 35 and live very well in the USA. I have a 4 year old granddaughter therek, too. I live on an island in the Indian Ocean with my wonderful husband and 2 darlings (both adopted from Cambodia) aged 3+ and 14 months. Parenting my bio kids was hard, very hard, and I was so tired and busy and stressed that I almost never had time to sit back and enjoy them. With these little ones I have now, I'm financially comfy enough, with a great partner and the time to be a mom in all the ways I couldn't before. Life is a process, not a destination, and will have ups and downs and ins and outs and crossroads that force decisions and regrets and sadness and joy, no matter what. Time passes, the process continues. No idea if this helps or not, but it's my story and I thought I should share it with you.

You know Brandy, I don't think I ever heard your full story. Do you have it written down somewhere? Your story sounds amazing.

Brenda, I don't know if I've ever posted the full story of my daughters adoption or not...I've posted bits and pieces here and there...but really, there is nothing to tell :) Full time college student/mom working a full time job to finish my degree when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, who I placed in open adoption. Went on to complete my degree...and the rest is history. I met and married my husband just before M turned five. The end.

It may be hard but no one told you it would be easy, right? I survived an unplanned pregnancy at 16, and I grew up and matured enough that I decided I was ready for another at 17. They are 10 and 11 now and we have adopted a girl that is now 2, so if you grow up through this pregnancy and change your outlook on life then you can make it through this situation. Everything will be fine if you put forth alot of effort in making something out of it. But it sounds like you could use some counseling for the depression you mentioned or atleast some prayer. Please don't get too overwhelmed and just think of the baby and the baby's health. Good Luck