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Hello everyone,
I would love to have your advice on the meltdown problems I've been having. My oldest daughter is 5 and in Kindergarten, and she has 2 siblings ages 5 and 4. She is usually pretty good but she will have the occasional temper tantrum. They have been getting worse. Most recently yesterday we were at the park and she threw a tantrum because she only got to fly her kite for a few minutes before we had to leave because the little sister hurt her knee and I had to take her to the ER. When I told my oldest we had to leave, she threw a fit and started punching me with both fists. I managed to gather up all three of them and get in the car but she ripped the balancer off the kite before she got in. Then she proceeded to kick the window and inside of the car and her sister's seat all the way home. She threw every toy and object within reach. Hot wheels cars were bouncing off my head while I was driving and plastic dragons and elephants were whizzing by and banging the inside of the windshield. She even tried to throw the brand new pogo stick we just got at me. Chips and candy wrappers were all over the middle of the floor where she had thrown them. It was quite bizarre and I'm sure out of the norm of behavior for little ones just 5 years old. I don't know if it's an emotional problem, my bad parenting or just a particularly bad temper. She certainly doesn't get this violence from me since I am a nonviolence advocate. That is not to say that she has no discipline though, because she does. It could be related to an upcoming move because we will be moving and this has been discussed with her. I am not sure what to do about this kind of behavior but I know I must do something before she gets older and it gets a lot worse, potentially uncontrollable.
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How close together were the start of these fits and the start of talking about the move?
What do you do or say during the fit to try to de-escalate it?
And what is her consequence for the fit (once you get to a place where you can do a consequence)?
And is there any similarity between what starts the fits, or where they occur? (Like, are they always in the car, are they always about cutting playtime short, are they always involving a change in plans, do they always involve her sister, etc?)
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These fits occur every week or maybe less than every week. They didn't start after we discussed the move with her.... she's been doing this before. It does seem to often be related to a change in plan or not getting to do something that she was expecting to do, as in we were going to go to denny's (they love denny's, heaven knows why I hate that restaurant!!) but we took too long at the bounce place so now we have to stop at mcdonalds instead. They usually don't involve the sister.
Ooof! Yes, autism could definitely cause issues with changes, especially unexpected changes. I'm sorry I don't have anything to suggest if that is the root cause of it. (My foster boys have similar behaviors when upset, but their root is in domestic violence and lack of discipline, so very different.)
But throwing things in the car is a very big problem. Is she still in a 5-point harness? If she isn't, I'd start by putting her back in one. That will limit her reach in the car. Throwing things in the car is just too dangerous to play around with.
How does she react to having her toys put in time out? I started putting any toy that was thrown into time out, and that's something my boys understand. They can tell me why the toy is in time out, and sometimes I can interrupt them from throwing something by saying "looks like <name of toy> might get a time out", IF I can catch them between picking it up and throwing it. It is ever so sloooooowly making a difference in the amount of times they choose to throw things.
Wish I could be of more help, but maybe there is something useful in this. Hugs!
If she is somewhere on the spectrum, that will certainly do it and you are going to need professional behavioral modification training (more for you than her ;)) But I know that at that age the one thing garunteed to set DS off was lack of food/low blood sugar. The two examples you gave sound like a times when a kid could be having a blood sugar dip. Just something to think about.
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Oceanica - As other have mentioned autism could cause it. Sensory is another possibility (which often goes with autism). If their senses get overloaded they just can't calm at times. Occupational Therapy can help with that. Also, our children are traumatized because of their adoption history. Trauma causes all sorts of issues and it masks itself as various behavior disorders. The Queen is in Kinder as well and just turned 6. While she has been diagnosed with severe ADHD, Epilepsy, severe anxiety, severe ODD, severe separation anxiety, and Sensory Process Disorder, I really think most of it boils down to trauma. When the Queen starts throwing things in the car, all things get removed from the back seat until we learn to handle car rides without throwing things. Frustrating because the front seat or way back looks all trashed up but I have to keep everyone safe. Hugs for you. I know it is hard.
Oceanica - As other have mentioned autism could cause it. Sensory is another possibility (which often goes with autism). If their senses get overloaded they just can't calm at times. Occupational Therapy can help with that. Also, our children are traumatized because of their adoption history. Trauma causes all sorts of issues and it masks itself as various behavior disorders.
The Queen is in Kinder as well and just turned 6. While she has been diagnosed with severe ADHD, Epilepsy, severe anxiety, severe ODD, severe separation anxiety, and Sensory Process Disorder, I really think most of it boils down to trauma.
When the Queen starts throwing things in the car, all things get removed from the back seat until we learn to handle car rides without throwing things. Frustrating because the front seat or way back looks all trashed up but I have to keep everyone safe.
Hugs for you. I know it is hard.