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I need some advice. I hope you guys can help!
My son is special needs - he has some awkward behaviors that make creating lasting friendships very difficult.
We recently moved and Jerrett started making a few friends - one, who I will call FrankӔ was kinda different too. His parents are divorced and his mom travels for workso when mom is gone, grandma comes over to ősit with him. Frank is home a lot by himself - heҒs 12.
At one point, Frank came over and stayed for three days - no one ever called to ask about himI called home and no one ever answered.
Anyway - Frank went to his Grandmas for the summer, or so he saidŅthe other day, Frank was outside playing and Jerrett saw him and started playing with him. They played almost all day long, which was great. Then, Frank and Jerrett decided to go to the park to play with Jerretts tractors. While at the park, some older boys (Jerrett said they were teens) came up and started making fun of Jerrett for being ґdifferent. Frank joined right in the fun of making fun of Jerrett, picked up JerrettҒs toys and ran off.
Naturally, Jerrett came home in tears.
We decided to walk down to Franks house and talk to Mom - no one was home.
When we were walking back up the street to our house, we saw Frank walking towards us. We all ґmet at the house, where Frank THREW JerrettҒs toys in the yard and turned around to walk away. John said, Frank, what happenedӔ and Frank totally ignored him, continuing to walk away.
Now, were trying to explain to Jerrett that the way that Frank treated him is NOT the way friends treat each other - but he is really having a hard time҅he wants to go play with Frank. Hes having breakdowns, throwing fits and being generally unpleasant - saying he WILL play with Frank, regardless of what we say.
Am I wrong here? I just want to protect my son from ґfriends like this҅but he just isnt getting it and I donҒt know what to do! Should I just let him continue to get hurt?
Ive told Jerrett he canҒt play with Frank, Frank cant play here and he isnҒt allowed at his house - he is VERY angry about this.
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You said Frank's a little different as well, right? Maybe he joined the teasing because it's usually at him. Who knows. It's hard to watch our kids get hurt. My son insisted on asking the neighbor next door if she could play(the daughter liked my son but the mother didn't want "those foster kids" playing with her daughter). I tried explaining, but he still pushed. I let him handle it. And he did.
Maybe let them play in areas you can control better? Are there places he can find other kids that will play with him? It's hard to decide how much to protect our kids and what to let them deal with. Is protecting him from this better or worse then his reaction to your decision?
Hard spot to be in as the mom.
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I went to a slumber party once when I was about 12 or 13 and remember that all the other girls ganged up and decided to be mean and pull pranks on me. I was friends with the hosting girl and she joined right along with them....I was still friends with her after the party even though she treated me so un-friendlike
Unfortunately sometimes kids behave this way, especially if it means they "fit" in.
I agree that maybe they set up another "playdate" at your house so you can monitor the behavior.
Hardy to let your child go into a situation that might possibly cause him hurt feelings again. We so want to protect them from all the pain in the world.
Regards,
Brandy
Brandy, My son has been dealing with a "friend" like this all school year long. Every other day he would come home upset because this friend had kicked him, or made fun of him, then the very next day he wanted to play with him and have him for a sleepover?!? Normally I tell him he needs to work it out,however this past week he came home from school and told me that this "friend" had been making fun of him again, Quinton (my son) told him he didnt want to be his friend anymore. The "friend" then said "well then maybe I should get a gun and shoot you in the head and kill you" , that is when MOM stepped in, scared the beejeebies out of me. They are only 8 but you just never know these days. Needless to say they will not ever in this lifetime be able to play together again, no matter what. So I think sometimes we do have to let them work it out on their own of course until violence comes into play.
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Brandy,
We have a similar problem with the neighbor kids and our son. I have the HARDEST time just letting him handle it because he just kept getting hurt. Plus, to him a littlle teasing is often worth the friendship, KWIM? It's so hard to watch.
But letting him handle it seems to be working. Although he's still getting teased, he's starting to be able to stand up for himself. Also, as he's getting better at handling the bad stuff, he's starting to find new friendships away from the neighborhood.
I wish I had some good advice for you on this. It really just sucks to watch your kid keep getting hurt over and over.
Blessings,
Jenny
I think you should talk to Jerrett about how to approach Frank. And help him decide, what makes a friend a friend. And what would happen if the wrong sort of "friend" is associated with. Let them work it out, he's 12. Perhaps Frank is not "that sort" and maybe they'll stick together next time...