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I just found my son after almost 19 years. :clap: Of all places I found him on MYSPACE. His aparents stopped communicating with me when he was 4 years old, always leaving me to wonder how he was doing. He is doing great and is in college a 1000 miles away from his aparents and about 8 hrs from me. My son has welcomed me and my other child with open arms. He says he likes the emails and looks forward to them. Two weeks after the first contact is when he went back home to his aparents for the summer. Things seemed to have really changed since then, he doesn't reply to any of the email and everyonce in awhile he'll send a message on aim. He just keeps saying he is always busy with things. As for his aparents he says they are handling it all very well.
I know the main thing is to be patient because there really is so many emotions going on with all of us. Even though I have found the young man, I still long for the baby I left behind. I don't want to be to pushy and then push him away. I never know how much is to much and whats not enough. I am so afraid of losing him again. I feel it I don't send emails then he will think I don't care. Even though when I send the emails with no reply its hard because I feel like I am still living the past years when I would send thing through the agency with no reply from the aparents...
So if anyone has any advice for me on how do I control my own feelings it would be more than welcoming. My poor heart feels like its a bowl of jello right now with so many different emotions. :confused:
TenderSoul
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lets email privately.. my situation is similar to yours. jan4bri@yahoo.com jan
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Tender,
Be patient. I waited 25 years for my daughter to find me. She pulled back after 2 months into the reunion. I figure that I waited this long, I can wait a few more years for her to figure out what she wants to do with her "NEW" family.
I send her cards to let her know that I still want contact and I haven't forgotten her. It hurts when I don't hear back from her. I have learn that it's not MY fault if she doesn't responded back. I must stop beating myself up over her actions.
Found
Thanks found for the advice. Yes, I guess I do worry that once the face to face contact is made that he may then pull away. I've read that its done a lot, if that happens then yes I know I will have to deal with it at that time no matter how hard it maybe. My son, told me he wants to come for a visit the 3rd week of Aug so we'll see what happens then.
Thanks again.
TenderSoul
Tendersoul
Someone once told me that it is not the things that worry us that actually happen (life isn't that easy on us) It's the things we didn't worry about that come along and hit is in the back of the knees - and......as a birthmother who has been in reunion for 4+ years I can vouch for that!!!! Believe me, the more you wonder and worry and stress about the things that may go wrong, the harder it is to imagine a beautiful relationship developing. I say....trust in yourself to do what is good and right...and until you know to the contrary, believe that your son is just as keen on you to make this a lasting connection.
Read everything you can get your hands on about reunions and the pitfalls. Don't imagine yourself falling into the pits...just be aware that they could happen. Learn how others have overcome their fears and faced their demons. You son wants to find a while, alive and happy person (why would he expect otherwise) so make yourself think positively. What we plan to happen usually does.
I also say....remember this time and store it away for later. The excitement, the emotions and the sheer compulsion (or is it an obsession) that grips you at the moment is memorable. When things quieten down you may be like me,,,,,and miss it. I don't think there has been another period of my life quite so intense.
Good luck with your reunion. If you need to share - we are here for you.
Ann :flower:
Ann,
Thanks for your advice it all made so much sense for sure. I do read and think that maybe where so many of my worries are coming from. My son has given me no reason to worry at all. It really is a beautiful thing building this relationship with a child that you've been so connected with for years but could never touch.
Maybe because of his age, he isn't bitter or he doesn't ask a lot of questions things seem at peace.
I look towards our face to face reunion as a happy one filled with a lot a laughs. I know there will be some serious chat between the two of us. However with the way I am and I know how he is, I think all will go pretty smooth. I have his two sisters who also live with me to kinda help along the way. I think it will be a fun time.
It's all a process and thats what my son tells me also.
Thanks again it was great advice.
TenderSoul
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