Baby Boy is here!!!

Hi everyone. I got Baby Boy, a foster newborn on May 31. Have been too stressed and sleep deprived to write. Baby Boy came to me because of another momma on this board, to whom I am eternally grateful. Before that, another momma tried to help me. In December, I helped friends from my parenting class find their little toddler. So see, if they would let the foster parents run things, the system would be better! I am single so taking care of a newborn has been TOUGH. The first night, I was crying and wishing for a husband. Then I realized, I could have a husband who was an idiot, or one who was nice but no help with a baby. My own mom is here this weekend. Thank God. And this time, I was very honest with my friends and admitted I needed their help. For more experienced moms: Is Baby Boy EVER going to sleep through the night? Oh my God. I feel continually jet lagged. I have him at least till the court hearing on July 6. Parents are teens. Their families are wacky, but in the scheme of things, I am not sure HOW wacky. I really, really, really want to keep Baby Boy. But this is foster (with hope of adoption). In my head, I know there is a 50 percent chance I will lose him. But my heart is not hearing this. Oh I can't even THINK about him leaving. Sigh. At least I know the date of the hearing and can prepare myself then. Right now, I am too tired. In the supermarket the other day, I spaced out in the cheese aisle. I was like, "I know I like cheese. But what kind??" So far, Baby Boy and I have: Gone to the WIC office;Visited my office; Shopped in Target; Ate lunch out. Yesterday, he had first supervised visit with Teen Parents since leaving hospital. We all survived. I took a long nap while he was gone. Sigh. This is hard and wonderful at the same time. Oh and he is HEALTHY, which is great. The same day I accepted placement of Baby Boy, I got another call for a 20-month old boy. Then yesterday, I got a call about Hispanic little brothers. When it rains, it pours. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I believe in God and know that if it is God's plan (and the judge's) that Baby Boy return to his wacky family, I will have to accept it. But, sigh. Sigh.