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[font=Comic Sans MS]Ok, So here is my whole story made as short as I can. Like I had said I come from a family of 6, 3 sisters (including myself) 3 brothers (including a half bro) - My mother was 16 when she started to have all of us, mind you we were all a year apart! I'm 28 years old now and I am the only child of hers that wants to find Lovina. (Her actuall real name) All the other bros and sisters dont care about her for their own reasons which I understand!! It was on one late afternoon around sunset when all the cops were at my house. I had been visiting my friends house down the street; I was wearing little red shorts with a striped red and white tank top. The neighbor called and told me I had to go home right away so I ran as fast as I could. My mom was crying and telling my to get in the cop car and that she loved me and everything would be ok. I did as I was told. That night I was taken to the Children's Hospital for a check up; I was ok, just a little dirty and had head lice. The doctor had given me some cinnamon ghram crackers to eat so I would calm dowm. I was separated from my siblings forever after that one night. I was in and out of foster care for a while after that, never knowing who my mom was. My father,, his name Maxie, was killed by his friend on purpose. I remember looking at him in his casket feeling his cold face; my mom was there with me too. He was gone forever. [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]While I had lived with my birth mother there was a lot of abuse- bad living conditions and a lot of violence! Too much for a 4 year old little girl to comprehend... This all affects my in my daily life which I'm still trying to understand. (different story) I was adopted by a very sweet family- a mom, dad and 2 brothers. The family took 3 of us (my two other sisters) along with their boys... After living with the family for about 4 months the oldest son about 18 yrs at the time was killed in motorcycle accident. The way my adoptive mother saw it was "God gave me 3 and took away one." At that time I thought Oh well, because i didnt understand at that time...[/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]It was too much on Brandon, so he started to molest us thinking that he would get rid of us. I didnt tell for a long time but one day i did and he got his *** kicked by my father. I thought how could I have been saved from all this torment and given it back with this "new" family who is supposed to care for me? I grew up and as the years had come and gone i knew that i wanted to find my bmom, but how? I found my birth brothers and once i met them i wanted nothing of them after that... They were too angry about the entire experience that they took it out on me. [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]With all that i have come to learn with being adopted I still have questions.... In my current relationship I realize that I have huge trust issues. I try to deny where they stem from but I cant kid myself anymore- so I realize it's my reality. I dont trust anyone really, maybe not even myself? Scary! I think so.... [/font][font=Comic Sans MS]I was in therapy for 10 years and It hasnt done a darn thing for me.... a waste of gov money. I lust for the day to lead a normal life and to finally meet my bmom... but the real question is "How will I react when the time comes?" [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]I'm confused, upset, happy, worried and wonder WHY me? What did I do so wrong to deserve the kind of life that was made out just for me? [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]Any feed back is greatly appreciated!!!!! [/font]
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You didn't do anything to deserve the life you were dealt. It sounds as your bfamily should 'own' their part in what started your downward spiral at the young age of 4. As far as your afamily, i smiled a little to know that in the midst of the tragedy the afather kicked his bsons ***, Thank God that he took responsibility and didn't try to lay the blame on you like so many mislead parents do. I hope you find the happiness that you are searching for and please never forget that you are not responsible for what happened to you at such a young age. Did the rest of your life go okay with your afamily? How did you reconnect after abrothers abuse? How is your relationship with bsisters that were adopted with you? Just curious, hope i'm not prying.
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Hi Nicole, I'm sorry that your childhood was so traumatic. I had a fairly traumatic childhood too, and wondering "why did this happen to me" crosses my mind more than I'd like. (By the way I'm 27) Finding my bdad has helped me to heal....and it has also brought up a lot of other issues for me that I thought I had stored far, far away. I do feel complete now after finding him, but can't help feeling like a victim....which I don't want to feel like!!!!!! I agree with WLD...you were dealt a bad hand at life (like me in some ways)....now make what you can from it. I think they say in Poker that every hand can be a winner...I'm trying to make my hand a winner, hopefully with time you can too. :) welcom to the forums :flower:
[font=Comic Sans MS]:grouphug: Thanks for your replies!!!! You know when I sit and think about my life, I'm not really that angry anymore. Some times I wonder if I'm not angry, it's because it happened so long ago? I can say I turned out pretty good. My brothers how erver didn't! When I found my brothers I was nervous to meet them; they lived only about an hour away. One of my bsisters had come with me for that first visit and it was a disaster. At first we seemed to get along but then something was triggered and the next thing I knew my brother had grabbed me and through me against the wall. I could hear my little sister crying while she watched and I knew at that moment I wanted nothing to do with him. He began saying things about my bmom; he wanted to find her and kill her, he hated her for letting bad things happen to him.... [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]I called my boyfriend at the time and he came to pick me up. The younger brother had been so affected by his childhood that he joined a gang; ended up getting shot, was in ICU for about 2 weeks. After that he got arrested and ended up in prison. I wrote to him all the time then one day he just dissappeard... I stayed in contact with their adoptive mom and she was under a lot of stree from them also... We were just raised differently than they were. I was taught to have respect, morals, be appreciative etc... none of which they ever had...[/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]As for my sisters.... I love them so much!!!!! They are doing ok, they choose to have nothing to do with me finding my bmom. I respect their choice 100 percent. The youngest one was angry all of the time and got herself into a lot of trouble. She had began acting out at very young age(being sexually active). Her boyfriends were the ones who didnt respect her and hit her. She ended up pregnant at 20, he married her because he thought it was the right thing to do. She now has a 2nd baby with him, but their marriage is falling apart. She actually not too long ago had her own children taken away because she was unfit. She became responsible and followed the judges orders and got her kids back!!!:D [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]She is still dealing with a lot now.... For me? I have trust issues all the time... It seems for now the only person that I can always fall back on is my adoptive mom. She has always been there for me... She ended up divorcing my father so that tore the family up... I thought we were going to be family forever... My father was a very selfish man- hence i never became close to him. [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]Thats a different story.... I am a very lucky individual here in life now, I just need to find my bmom. I have so many questions to be answered. How did you find your bdad? And how did you know where to start? [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]Im very open, so please ask away at anything you want :)[/font]
Hi again Nicole, I already knew my first dad's name (since I was raised by my mom). I found his name on some papers that my mother had in her drawer. I'm assuming you know your first mother's name also, since you lived with her until age 4. So then I just went online and googled his name. A couple of things came up (not good things...but I didn't let that stop me). Then I went on to intelius.com and paid for a people search. They came back with his current address and past addresses. So my fiance paid him a visit....then I wrote to him....then I wrote to him again and finally we were reunited in March of this year after not seeing him since I was 2 years old. The reunion has been great. He calls me daily and we are so alike :) I just opened up a card from his mother (my grandma) saying that I make her smile. I wish you lots of luck...............be prepared for lots of emotions and bad reactions from others. My sister hasn't spoken to me in months and I'm barely in contact with my parents because of their dissaproval.
[font=Comic Sans MS]Wow! [/font][font=Comic Sans MS]I do have her first and last name... I tried to do a google search as well but I think got married again and changed her last name? So im stuck... I dont have any last known address or anything. I guess my next option is to do an investigation.... and see where it takes me... I dont think I've really thought about all the emotions I'll feel when and if I do see her again... I remember my gmoms name too now that I think about that... Im sure she has passed away by now? I can try that too? Oh goddness.... It just doesnt seem to end...:grr: [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font]
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