over 45
Hi everyone,
I need to ask for prayers. My dh and I have thought alot about adopting. We made the decision to go ahead in the fall. I want to do what I feel God wants me to do but at this point I am not sure what that is. I felt led to adopt but now I am questioning whether we should or not. I still have time to pray about it. I know it is a very big decision to make at our ages. I am 49 dh is 53. I know that some do not agree with older people adopting and how old we will be when the child grows up and all of that. I know that we can't go out and do some of the things little kids might like to do but we do have alot of love to share with a little one. I think that counts for something right? Anyway what I need are prayers that God will have us do what He wants us to do. thanks.
over 45
Hi! Thanks for your post. Our situation is a little different. We recently adopted Nov. 05. I am 46 and my husband is only 35. However I stay at home with our daughter and am the primary care giver. Being a Mom can sometimes be very draining on me, some days or moments can be very difficult, on the other hand the joy and wonder of this beautiful little girl in our lives is tremendous. I could have never known what it would be like being a Mom and an older Mom without first hand experience. And as exhausting as it can be some days I would love to adopt again. Praying about it is good, I now pray for God to help me take care of myself so I can care for my daughter better! Good Luck! Susan B.
Don't let the nay-sayers get to you! Only you can know the sort of parents you can be, and if your hearts and home have room for a child...and if you can find the energy!...go for it!
I'll be 55 next month and have a three and a half year old and a fourteen month old, both Cambodian-born and home at 13 weeks. I was 51 when Sam came home and 53 for Cj! No big deal...just loads of joy and lots of smiles.
For support and info, read the Older Parent Blog in my signature. I write that with 2 other older moms.
over 45
I am 47 and my husband is 46. We have a son from my first marriage who is 29. My husband has no children of his own and I am not able to concieve anymore. At the age of 40 we spoke and we started the proceeding to adopt, I got such cold feet that I backed out thinking I would not be capable of it again. I was 16 when I had my son I didn't think I could do it again. My husband and I have started the proceeding again this time I will not back out we want this so much and we have so much love to offer a newborn. There will be alot of emotions but here is the thing. My mother was 42 when she had me and if my mom was able to care and raise me from her 40's on so can I and so can you don't give up pray that God grants you the strengh to see this through that's what I am doing and I hope it becomes true for my husband and I. Good luck Wanda
You are definately not too old to adopt. But, here is a thught - have you considered adopting an "older child"? I was 40 when I gave birth to our one and only biological child. We finalized the adoption of our 6 year old son a month before I turned 50. Now I am just a month and a half away from turning 51, and a few weeks away from finalizing adoption of our 10 year old foster daughter. I am a bit older than the parents of most of my children's classmates (okay, I admit, I am older than some of their grandparents), but I have managed to keep up with every single one of them. Being an older parent gives me a different perspective. Also, since we didn't start a family till later in life my husband and I are financially secure.
Whether you decide to go domestic or international, infant or older, do not let age be a factor in your decision. You obviously are a woman of faith - so move forward in faith!
Im 46 and DH is 39. I have a Biological son that's 24.
I can tell you that when I was younger, I was more fit and more capible of being available for my son. My (then) husband (now X husband) worked full time, and I stayed at home. But our age worked against us. At 20 yrs old, life was forever. My son would be young forever. He was adorable, but that would also last forever. And I was actually less available for him than I am now, with my adopted daughter.
I work full time now, and commute 1 hour each way. But, with age comes wisdom. I can't do the kinds of things I could do when I was younger, but it really doesn't take much effort to take bubble baths with my toddler daughter and sing Christmas songs in the tub with her, in the middle of July. I have more money now, and am more financially stable. I come home now and KNOW that she will be this age for only the blink of an eye, and I cherrish every minute with her. I'm more patient with her. I appreciate her. I can truly say that, for me, that being a parent of a toddler is BETTER because I'm older.
I'm 40 and Dh is 49. We have one Biological and 4 adopted. We finalized our last adoption this year. Since we have 5 kids at home we don't plan to adopt again, but we didn't even start adopting until I was 33 and Dh was 42. I also have a chronic health problem and we work around that. Frankly, THAT more than my age is the part that gets sticky at times. LOL

Yes, parenting when one is a bit older than average is very different than parenting when one is one's twenties, but one tends to know more (hopefully!!) and have a different outlook than when one is a couple of decades younger. There can be a bit of a trade-off, and sometimes I wish that I had my 25 yo body with my 40 yo brain, but I wouldn't trade having my kids for anything. LOL

We opted to adopt through our foster care system, and so adopted "special needs" children. We adopted toddlers, ranging in age at placement from 26 months down to 11 months. They do have different needs than the "average" child, but they are doing well and fill our hearts to overflowing. Our adopted children were all prenatally exposed to various drugs, in varying degrees (some were addicted at birth, some weren't screened so we don't know, etc.), and they each have varying degrees of issues from the drugs, multiple moves, neglect, etc. Additionally we did not feel limited to only adopting within our ethnicity/race, so have a mix of races/ethnicities in our home.
More on Older parents and adopting
We are older parents of 33, 32 adn 28. We are going to adopt an 11 and 14 yr old sibling group - girls. We have been working toward this for a year and are totally faith based that we should be doing this. I am 55 almost 56 and hubby is 57. Are we insane? Age is all I worry about as we are committed to doing what is best and giving of ourselves to love and connect with these children so they have a forever family...but at this age?
pace, I am 52. Our Biological son is 12 1/2, our adopted kids are 12 and 9. No. I am not too old to parent these kids. Don't worry about your age, worry about theirs. At 11 and 14 they are going to be tough to bond with. These girls need consistancy and love, and structure and consistancy. Who better to provide that?
Bless you my dear, as the lady said I'd only worry about their ages. I had my second daughter at 44, a real blessing for sure. She's so wonderful, I love her with all my heart. Yes you can still parent just fine maybe even better than when you were the first time. You are older and wiser, give it a go, you'll do fine.

bprice215
Thank you both for responding. We have our staffing meeting with CPS, our case workers, therapists, the girl's foster mom the past four years and us coming up on the 30th. They feel the girls have the ability to bond but it will be something we have to build and earn their trust.

This week our youngest, age 27, was in a bad motorcycle accident. He is alive, thank God, but is selling his bike after he mends. He should be dead. He is the youngest that put us through the worst times. The Lord has a purpose for his life. But during all the ER stuff and he is here for care right now... only for an instant did I think, why do I want to open myself up for more hurt and situations like this? But with in a breath I knew the love that comes with it, is worth it.

I have never been on a forum other than with fellow artists (Daily.painters.com) but I can appreciate your support as we make these decisions.

Grace, Laurie
I had my two son's when I was 29 and 32. Our daughter was placed with us when we were 40 and we are now 46 and 47. I think the hardest part for me the second time around was the age of two and three years old. I was much better with the boys at that age then I was with our daughter.

We are still pretty active people granted we have gained a few pounds over the years.

The big question is what age child would you like to adopt and how active are you willing to be? Do you live in a community with a lot of children? I know young parents who are not active. And some are just down right lazy.

I really don't the the age is should be the main factor - it is how willing you are to commit to allowing your child to be the best person they can be.
Getting Started
I am so happy to find this thread . I am 47 and my hubby is 54 . This is a second marriage for both and we are both much happier . He has grown children the youngest is 21 away at school. I was not able to have children due to an issue with my first husband and he refused to "raise Someone else kid" . But that is the past and my now husband and his family have a another view. We are in a large home in the country and have the space and the open heart to look at fostering / Adopting . We are talking about a sibling group in the age of 5 plus . We are still in the beginning stage and I am like a sponge learning and getting all sides Pro/ cons and going into this with my eyes wide open . So send me any input and help my way.
Over fifty five...and still going!
My husband is 59 and I am almost 58. We have a foster/adopt daughter with us, ordered to our home by a judge two months ago. We were no longer wanting to foster or adopt and we were retiring. We have moved into our smaller retirement place on the lake and now have a 15 year old. We have done this for many years now, but being in the now, we should not have taken her. We are doing the best we can as we believe God brought her to our home. We have accomplished much for her benefit getting her free from meds she should not have been on. (The last foster home over medicated her to get more money from the state) We are getting zero support since we are no longer a registered home, but a 'kinship' placement. She is a sweet girl, with few issues, but she does consider us old and has mentioned this often.

When you are older like we are, the family mix is changed quite a bit. Just make sure you realize bringing in a mixed group of young ones is bringing many new personalities into your home. Be prepared for surprises and issues cropping up right and left. It seems like such a wonderful thing to do and truly it is, but it will remake you and your husband into different people. Your relationship will be affected by so many new little ones.

Be vigilant and in prayer and roll with the changes.

I write this as we are just a bit older than you are and are in the midst of just having one added to our 'retirement'. Pray and make sure you are ready for these changes in your life as they will be positively affected by this new home if you are going in eyes open and the flexibility of a wet noodle!
I am also over age 45. I have just started the adoption process and I am just as conflicted as you describe. I have been praying hoping for an answer too. I just want you to know that someone else is in your shoes too. I think that our feeling conflicted is a sign that we care so much about being good parents. Conflicted feelings aren't always a bad thing when they arise out of love for a potential child. I asked myself how I would feel in 4-5 years, when most agencies have you age out at at 50, if I did not adopt and I decided that I would be very disappointed and so I decided, with my husband, to go for it. I am still feeling conflicted but I think it's because I want to do right by my future child. ((((((Hugs & prayers))))) Margaret
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