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Hoping that I can receive some advice.
Our CPA that we have been working with was very supportive of our family becoming foster/adopt parents. They told us time and time again that we would have no issues getting approved. The day that we were to finalize the homestudy she told us that there was a 'red flag' and she needed to look into it further. She stated that we wouldn't be denied because of it but that there may be a stipulation of my son not being able to share a room with a foster child, which wasn't an issue.
The red flag is a report that was made to social services that included my sons name. It did not mention his exact role, it just stated that another child had their mouth on my son's privates. This was about 3 months ago. It was unfounded and never investigated, in fact, until our CPA brought it up we weren't even aware of this report. When I spoke to several people at the school I learned that the child who made the report has made several of the same types of reports about other children, as well as his step father. Apparently he has issues with his father not being around.
There are also two other instances of my son being accused of showing his privates to other children on the bus this school year. The first time the principal didn't believe that he did it. The second time, he was accused by a kid that was mad at him and didn't sit anywhere near him on the bus. (both of this cases involved the above said child with father issues) I also talked to a counselor about the 'exposing' issues and she stated that it was normal behavior at this age and that he just needed to have the 'talk' which he is obviously ready for.
My son has ADHD and has issues with making friends at school due to his speech issues. He is often the target of bullying, because of this we have often considered home school for him. Now that we have this information we are most likely going to move forward with homeschooling for him.
I talked to the principal who said that he spoke to our CPA and stated that he felt we were sound and a great family. In his professional opinion he would have no reservations placing a child in our home and said my son posed no threat. I also talked to the bus driver who said that she has never seen anything that would indicate that my son has issues or would do any of those things. The bus driver stated that he is often picked on on the bus and often some of the other children will attempt to get my son in trouble and blame things on him that she knows he didn't do.
I feel like the denial is based on hearsay. There is no proof that he did/was involved with any of this. They said the reason for the denial was that my son posed a high risk to the foster child. My son is 10. We are looking to foster/adopt an older child. My son is one of the sweetest boys that I know, and I'm not just saying that because I am his mom. My husband and I stepped back from the home study to look into the social services report and bus allegations more. We were not comfortable moving forward unless we had all of the facts. I can't imagine doing anything to put him, or another child, in harms way. After speaking to social services and several people at the school, we had no reservations.
Do we have a chance of being approved with another agency? Or is it best to just walk away now? We are absolutely heartbroken over this decision. We waited 15 years to move forward with adoption and did so now because we know it's the right time. I really feel that they didn't do enough research on this subject.
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Are we talking about 3 separate reports mentioning your son and sexualized behaviors? And you were not notified of the one report? How can that be? There was an accusation that another child had his mouth on your son's privates and you were not notified of this? What kind of school is he going to?
To be honest, all of that does raise red flags, especially if you were unaware of the one incident. It sounds like you need to get a handle on the school issues and your son before venturing into the land of foster care.
Just for clarification.
Yes, there were 3 reports, 2 with the school and 1 with social services. BUT the child who made the accusation has made the same accusations about other children, about a dozen other children or so.
We were turned down because they said my son needed more attention. NOT because they felt this was true or that he posed a risk.
I have spoken to a few other agencies and they said they don't feel we should of been denied.
As for the school, the fact that I was not told about the report definitely has us concerned about anything else we haven't been told or what they would keep from us in the future. My children will now be attending a different school.
Thanks for the comments.