We were matched w/ a boy

How exciting! Congrats and good luck on Thursday!

Congratulations!!!

Congrats!!!!

We met "M" last Thursday. Our visit went well. He is away at camp for 2 weeks so we will continue visitations upon his return. The next visit we can bring our two daughters w/us. He told his caseworker that he is excited to visit w/us again. Just figured I would share my good news. It's funny I feel the same excitement that I did when I was about a week away from my due date when I was pregnant w/my biological kids lol. And the love is no different. Its funny, I showed him pic of our puppy on my cellphone and he asks me if we are going to get him a cellphone. I thought it was funny because our 10 year old daughter keeps asking for one and tells me her friends have them. I tell her I dont need her to have one since I am usually always w/them. I just thought it was so funny when on our first visit he is asking for a cellphone. I guess our daughter was right, yes at 10 years old these kids want cellphones! He's a cutie much smaller than our 10 year old daughter not much bigger than our 7 year old! He seems very sweet. He has a foster brother in the same home that he is going to miss. I told his caseworker we would be interested in hearing about this boy as well. If they think he would also match with us we would love to meet him also and if it is possible adopt him as well. It would be nice for them to stay together since theyve been together for two years in the same home and are practically brothers. :)

Congratulations. That is very happy news. You probably already know this, but please be very, very clear with both him and your daughters about boundaries and privacy and inappropriate (sexual)behavior. Talk to the three of them together, so that he knows the girls also knows the rules. Make sure they have excellent supervision. A very large number of foster kids have been sexually abused, and some go on to molest other children. In our county, they would only place a child at least two years younger than our (bio) daughter. Even then, I had to watch M like a hawk, and she did try something with C (4 years older than her) once. The SW's did not know that M had been sexually abused in the past. We did not know for sure until she started talking about it a few months ago...a year after she was placed. I don't mean to scare you, or rain on your parade - really, I don't. But you do have to watch out for your daughters. Hopefully it will not be an issue you, but with a 10 year-old boy, I think you need to be prepared. With all that said, enjoy this exciting time and good luck with the adjustment. How wonderful of you to open your hearts and home to this deserving child!

Wow that is wonderful! Did the Social worker inform you of psychological or any of the emotional damage that took place so you can properly assist your little boy with the help he truly needs?This may sound harsh but speaking from experience you may want to make sure you are ready for the major or little transition. WE are currelty adopting two little boys that have been in the foster system, their story is so sad and the oldest is very angry and has some issues that we need to deal with. The younger one has a brain disorder that we were never told about. We requested his IEP and discovered our flawless little man has brain trauma due to his mothers drug use. I tell you what my heart was softened even more when I found out the boys stories, trials, and disabilities. It makes me want to love them even more if that is at all possible without smothering them...lol...

Ive wanted to do foster care or adopt before my bio. children were even born. I think Ive read and researched much info. We were at first planning on only taking children younger than our own. We were very cautious and a little nervous for this reason (concerned about the child acting out sexually had they been sexually abused in the past). The boy has been living in the same foster home since he was placed and so far has shown no signs of having been abused in this way. He was removed from the care of his grandmother and was living in squalor. As for what his caseworker tells us he was "neglected" in ways of not having enough food, corporal punishment and basic needs were not being met. His grandmother was elderly and poverty was an issue. His foster family said he is a wonderful kid. That being said I will be sure to talk to all of the children about boundaries and privacy. I will though be watching with HAWK eyes! Ive heard much of what you say and this does make me nervous. I do have a close relationship w/my children and COMMUNICATION is Excellent in my household. I talk to my children constantly and as of now they come to me w/everything. My parenting is a little different from many of our friends. We are very involved and active family. We have routines we follow along w/rules. From what Ive read and heard I will be prepared for the worst BUT be hoping for everything to be just fine. I can prepare myself for this and be watching like a hawk and at the same time I would like to think that all older children are not going to molest others. I realize I must be prepared and Ive heard all the horror stories. I do hear what you are saying, we realize the risk, wish us luck and we will be praying that all goes ok! Just like Labor though, every labor experience is different as every child is different. ( purely just an example).

His only real issues are hoarding food, sneaking food and fears if he senses anger or loud such behaviors such as yelling due to physical abuse. I think we are a very mellow family and with the right therepy and care he should be ok. Good luck to you and your family. I think with the right therepy and loving family your children will flourish. I have several adopted nieces and nephews we were all worried about them when they were adopted. They are older now and healthy and happy. Your children are lucky to have you. I feel for your child (brain damage from the mothers drug problem) . Thank God he now has you to love him unconditionally and care for him. I feel the same in the sense that once you know the history it makes you love them even more. When I was pregnant w/my youngest biological daughter was, I was told she most likely had downs syndrom. We prepared ourselves for downs, yet hoped for a healthy baby (which she does not have d.s ). I think I just knew that my love for my baby was so strong either way. I feel the same this time around. I hope for "M" to work out fine, but if there is something that I dont know and it comes along later, we can work it out.

in classes we were told 75% to 95% of children in foster care have been sexually molested. i think the sit down is important. we were given info about a nine yr old who had been sexually abused...we discussed this with both of our daughters and asked what they would do if a situation occured. it is always wise to give them detailed instructions on how to act/react. also, i agree with sfbay...lots of times the sw doesn't know a child has been abused. someone we knew had two precious little girls that were not documented as having been sexually abused but after a period of time, the one girl started acting out sexually. our friend had to contact the sw and advise her.i just wanted to add that....good luck!! it sounds so exciting...can't wait to be in your shoes!!

I regret to post that things did not go through with the placement. Visitations were going ok for a while although he was avoiding my husband and everyone other than the children and me. I was not to concerned about this. To make very long story short it seems dyfs tells you only bare minimum of what is required of them. They made the foster family out to be such a strict family and almost made them seem like they did foster care because they relied on payments. They also said that the foster family never had intentions of adoption w/"m" or the other boy in the home. They told us that the family were also hoping that the other boy was placed in a pre adoptive home soon. We had inquired about him as well and were basically given the "pass the buck" routine. After several things not adding up including that dyfs told us the foster family wasnt interested in communicating w/us, it turned out that the foster family was in adoption process with this other child. Also they were very well off family. The woman is a retired teacher and they also originally thought of adopting "m". only they realized after two years that he wasnt bonding with anyone not just them. They care about him and he is unable to care for others (in their opinion he has no conscience). His caseworker and her super. told us that the family treated "m" and his foster brother like tennants. When "m" was with us he spoke all about his foster parents. These people bought this boy nice things. He knew and owned more name brands then I could think of. He expected us to buy him these things as well. Not that it was a problem however the way the caseworker spoke of the foster family one would believe the children they fostered had nothing. We learned many things from the foster family including that they care for "m" very much yet felt at same time are in a tough situation. They said they have to keep the boys seperated because "m" is so manipulative and sneaky he constantly hurts the other child in the home or has violent outbursts home and at school. The foster mother even told us that she would recommend us looking into his school records because everything he has done in school is documented in school records. Dyfs told us he was a good student and had no problems in school. The f. mother said she is retired teacher and went back part time working at the school that he is at just to stay on top of things. Dyfs also told us the f. parents didnt let him do extra curricular activites like football because they had no time both working full time. Meanwhile again they were retired and the foster mother works part time at the school. He does no extra activities like football because the school will not let him and the foster parents agree with that decision because of his behavior and grades at school. They told us he had not much coming with him that it all belonged to the foster home. The f. parents said, not true and so did "m". "m" wanted to know why our house was so small because he lived in large beautiful home w/5 televisions and every game system there is. Dyfs made it sound like he was in need of everything. My boss organized a large shower for me and was about to start collecting things for him. I was asking him things and he already had all of them. I started to make list of things to do places to go. He had been to many of those places w/the foster parents. After speaking with these people they I could tell were at a loss as to what to do with him though they cared abou him very much. Money cant buy love and what he needs yet my point is that we were lied to for us to feel bad for his less fortunate lifestyle along with what the poor kid has been through. They sat here in our home, telling us he was basically normal kid, had no problems or special needs only that he was older child and his foster parents do not adopt any of their foster children they choose to foster only. Meanwhile the foster home only had these two children and were originally hoping to adopt both of them. I told his caseworker that I think the family would adopt him if the state would be more involved. The f. mother said this boys caseworker had never even been in her home to check up on him or talk w/them. She said the other boy in the home is fine, and his caseworker stops in all of the time and answers all her calls and questions from the start. We went through visitations up until 5 days before he moved in. Dyfs told us M would miss his foster brother and would grieve for him. The family told us that the other boy was counting the days until m moves out because he is afraid of him. They are only a year apart and the scared boy was a year older. On our last visitation he threw temper tantrums like a two year old only with the mouth of an 18 year old street smart kid. He wasnt satisfied w/whatever we did. He would let his nose run into his mouth and not wipe it. It was like he did it to try to shock me or something. I just pulled out a tissue and wiped it for him and I think he was quite surprised by that. Many of the things he did my husband and I could easily help him through like being a clepto and the temper tantrums. However the root of the problem here is that the foster family said theyve tried for two years and got nowhere he is manuplitive and will do things showing no remorse. We thought about it and decided that we had to think of our daughters too and it wouldnt work. If we had no other children we would have went foward with him moving in and moved on. Every night, i think about him and up until recently I just felt like one more let down in his life. I recently realized that at least he wasnt here for a month or year and then we discovered the problem then it would have been worse. Also I think it is strange how we have been licensed for a year and we were only offered "m". We were very open in what we are able to accept. Our own caseworker took over a month to call us back. She left a message on our voicemail saying " I heard something, I just want to know if it is true". Then again about another week or so later saying she heard it didnt work out. It took a month to call? Also during this time a classmate I went to school with contacted me. Told us she is Ill and her child is in fostercare w/a neighbor. Said, she is loosing parental rights and she heard from grapevine we were adopting. She took my caseworkers name and gave to laywer who gave to dyfs. I contacted the foster parent and also gave her my info as well to give directly to caseworker. The child was in another county yet we learned in class that they are supposed to give custody option to family or friends first. I left message w/that office as well. We were never contacted and they gave the baby to strangers in that county and told us it was county related. The birth mother also told me that her caseworker was supposed to have her fill out forms about her mental illness. The casworker made 3 appointments and never showed up to any of them. She quit right after failing to show up for the third time. So the adopting parents possibly may not even know about the birth mothers illness. We heard that the aunt had asked for a visitation w/the child and adopting parents and that she was told the toddler is not bonding well w/the family and that it was better they wait on that visit. We are thinking of keeping license open in case that adoption doesnt work out but dont want to act on that because we dont want to put another transition into this childs life. We decided to wait another year and adopt outside the country for these reasons. ALSO, out of our pride class, I believe we were the last people left who hadn't backed out of becoming resource home for similar reasons. Other than people who were there for gaining custody of family members children. sorry for typos, im tired and just wanted to update. DONE W/DYFS