I don't know what to do....

I read your post and my heart goes out to you. Its clear you love your children and are trying your best to make everything good for them. Facing an unplanned pregnancy has to be extremely emotional..- You will know in your heart what is best for your baby. There is no doubt you love your baby already- Don't make any choices that you don't feel at peace with. I sent you a pm...if you need someone to talk to please feel free to pm me. Remember if God brings you to it...He will bring you through it!!!!

Jessica; You will find a way to work through this. I'm sure this is a very tough and confusing time for you. I also wanted to post to remind those who are viewing this post and to let you know that solicitation isn't allowed on these forums. If you receive a PM from anyone asking for your baby or telling you what great parents they would be to your child, please PM me, TaraMayRN, or Crick. That said, of course you all ready love the baby. Take some time to sort through things logically. Do you have help? Can you get help? Don't make decisions yet that will effect you forever. Research, research, research! If you have questions either on adoption or resources for parenting, there are MANY here that can help you out!

only you know what is best for you and your baby. If you do decide on adoption you can go with open adoption where you will be able to know your baby and you can have visits and letters and photos and pick the parents.

Jessi, I can't imagine what you are going through. Day-to-day living sounds stressful enough without having to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. I hope you find some support in your family. If you decide to go through with this pregnancy, do you think the father of the child would contribute to its support? I mean, legally he can be forced to, but if, like your ex, he doesn't have any money then he can't give you any. If you are considering placing your child for adoption, remember that your decision can't be finalized until after the baby is born. But you will need to do research into the types of adoption and find an agency you're comfortable with. I'm sure you will find advice on this site from women who have made that choice. I gave my first child up for adoption in 1969 and it was without a doubt the most difficult thing I have ever done. I've never really gotten over it. But I didn't have any support, and I was brainwashed into thinking that was the only thing I could do if I cared about my child. I know that sometimes it is the ONLY alternative, but unless that's the case, I don't believe it is a good choice for mother or child. Just my personal opinion, based on my own experience. I hope you find a way to follow your heart and keep your family together. Mary Jane

Reading your post had a huge impact on me. I really feel for all your going through. All the options you have available to you are difficult... if you keep the child it will be hard. If you adopt the child it will be hard - but in a different way. There have been, and will be, lots of other people in your situation and they have made both choices. Sometimes they keep the child, and everything works out. Sometime they place the child up for adoption, and everything works out. If I were you, I'd make the choice that was best for the baby. If the environment is not safe, then I would place it up for adoption. I would probably consider open adoption, so that if the baby ever had questions about why it was placed I could explain, that out of love, I chose the perfect family, in the perfect place, to parent. Good luck. I know you'll make the right decision. ~W

Hey Jessi, Please use the rest of the pregnancy to try to figure what will work best for you and your family, and spend alot of time praying for guidence rather than beating yourself up for being in this situation. Things happen, just remember that this baby will be loved, if you keep the baby it will be loved by you, if you place the baby for adoption then the baby will be loved by you and another family. But no matter what this baby will be loved.interracial children are no different than any others and if you decide to parent this baby hopefully your family will love him like the others and show no difference. If you do decide to adopt it out you really should consider open adoption so that you can have the relationship that will help you deal with your decision and you will see that he is being loved and cared for. If you go that route you may find great parents that will teach him that you made your choice because you loved him so much that you gave him to another family to allow them to love him as well.Anyway, I hope your living situation gets better real soon and I pray that your finances start flowing and you get back on your feet better than you have ever been and that your mom will be proud of what you have become for your family. Please keep us updated and know that there are alot of people here that want to help encourage you, and some of them have even been in similar situations and might know how you feel. Good Luck.

I think the emotions of your child, should you decide to place, is determined in large part by how you and the adoptive parents discuss the adoption. We have an open...well, semi open adoption (no visits). I send pictures ALL the time, videos, cards, letters, foot and hand prints, "artwork" and even hair from the 1st haircut! We email regularly...she is FAMILY! We LOVE her! We don't visit because we are in different states and she has never accepted our invitation. This is her perrogative and I am open when and if she is ready. We love and respect this young lady and are very open about the adoption. This isn't something we are ashamed of. We discuss it openly and talk about my daughter's birth mom regularly. I also have pictures of her and her family so she can see her pregnant, in the hospital, and holding the baby...and in the outfit she bought for her, but that she took home with her when she left. My daughter was NOT rejected by her birth mom! NO!!! She was lovingly placed with us...her mom hand selected a family for her daughter to ensure she had the life she wanted for her, including a father. My daughter just happens to be a HUGE "Daddy's Girl". She was not rejected. She was SELECTED to live and be given what this young lady (she was 13) knew she couldn't give. We love and respect her. We honor her in our home and are in awe of her strength and courage. She was pressured to abort at 20 wks and nearly consented twice...but then, while in the 8th grade, insisted on adoption. He emails telling of how happy she is with her decision make me so thankful! We feel honored that she chose us and entrusted us with her daughter. What an awesome responsibility! It is one thing to raise your bio kids, but another to have a "stranger" trust you to parent their beloved child. I want so badly to make her proud! To raise a woman she will admire so that she never regrets her decision. We love her. We love our daughter. There is no rejection. Even for a child who is 2nd, 3rd, 4th...you are NOT rejecting him or her if you decide to place. If you choose open adoption, pick a family who will convey that to your baby. And if open, you will have a relationship with your baby and be able to express that yourself. I have 3 bio kids and I can empathize with you....my heart breaks for you as you agonize with this decision. You do not have do decide today. Take your time and get as much information as you possibly can. My prayers are with you.

Of course your thoughts aren't very organized right now! You've got a lot going on in your life right now. You will be the one who must decide about this child...but I do have a few thoughts (also probably disorganized!) Have you looked into the programs for single mothers that help with training for a job you might like? I think there are some that will provide for child care, etc. while you go to school. As another poster asked, what about the father of your baby. Can he provide some child support? Both my children have children who are racially mixed. Some people will respond negatively; you can't get away from that. What kind of a support system do you have. Has your mother been there for you in the past. Even if she's disappointed, she is your mother and loves you. At lesat that's what I hope... Speaking as a mother of children who have made decisions that disappoint me -- I ache for them sometimes because I see the consequences of their decsions, but I love them deeply and will support them (not necerssarily financially!) no matter what. I placed my firstborn for adoption so I know something of the emotions you face; like others here, I am available by pm or e-mail if you would like to talk more privately. (Note - I have NO axe to grind.) Blessings on you and your difficult decisions.Kathy The pictures are my 2 grandsons - the older is 12, the younger 2.

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