to adoptees regarding reunion with birthmom

Personally that would have meant the world to me, but I think other adoptees might feel differently. I never felt any anger towards my bmum but some adoptees do.I suppose a lot depends on what the adoptee knows about the circumstances of thier adoption and how much they have worked through.I hadn't even begun to face my issues at 18, but some sort of contact initiated by my birthmum would have made me feel more at ease to consider reunion. Often reunion does open a whole can of worms and stirs up so many unexpected emotions that both parties need some support I think.

Personally, I can say I would have loved it. Many of us fear being "rejected" a second time around. I spent 35 years wondering if my birthmother ever thought of me...but I also wonder what our reunion would have been like when I was 18. 18 is so young to deal with the emotions that come up with reuniting. I still think some kind of contact - I'm thinking maybe just a nice card - would be wonderful. Just to say the door is open and to show that you care. Your child will be a legal adult at that point, able to make their own decision as to what to do. I hope it turns out in a positive way for both of you. Mine sure did :)

I would have loved something like that from my mother also. I would have loved for anyone to have given me the opportunity at that age to make my own decision about meeting my bmom. So, I think that for you to open that door for her is fantastic. Good luck!

[font=Comic Sans MS]I know that I DEFINITLY WOULDN'T have been able to handle that at 18. That's just my siutation. I'm 8 months into my reunion, that I initiated. The desire to search came out of left field....never ever even considered it until then. It's hard enough at 42, raising my own 4 boys....so many more people affected by our reunion then I had ever imagined. If I had my choice, in a perfect world, knowing what I know now.....maybe at age 25 or so, getting married, before my kids. Both my aparents healthy enough to handle it. Not sure, but guessing that's what I would have preferred. Then again, when I was 25, my birthmom would have never responded! She was going through a hard time then. So I guess in the end....fate and a prayer![/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]Wishing you all the best in the crazy journey:grouphug: [/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]michele[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]xo[/font]

tks for the responces...... seems like most adoptees would like to be contacted ......im going to go with my gutt on what she would like at 18+.....ive heard it said if you think about how you would want to be contacted .....then be prepared for no desire to meet...... i know for myself i would love anything if i was in that situation ....thats just me......

I would love to have known about my mother when I was 18. It would have made me feel wonderful knowing that my mother didn't give me and just walk away. Knowing that I was loved but due to circumstances beyond her control she was not able to keep me, I would have been fine. But would I have been really ready at that age I am not sure. 18 is a tender age because it is the crossover from child to adult. Go with your heart and see what happens.