Need advice!

My daughter has ADD. It has not been a walk in the park, that's for sure. So, first thing, :) give up any self-incrimination that you might have. Put down any big stick that you're beating yourself up with... "Maybe it's my fault somehow, maybe I haven't done all that I should have..." And then, I think make sure that you deal with any and all things methodically, rather than emotionally. So, don't respond emotionally when he hits things or himself. Instead, just deal with it with a predetermined method. So, sit down with him before-hand and let him know that it is not acceptable to hit. And that includes things and himself. And tell him that you love him very much, and you take your job as his mom very seriously. And part of your job it to protect him and your stuff. You will not permit any person to come into this house and hit him or your stuff. So, you can not allow him to hit him either. So, every single time he hits something, or himself, he will be charged a minute of penalty time. For each hit, he will have to serve a minute of time. Try and tie the time with the offense. So, if he hit the wall, he has to wash the wall. If he hits a toy, he has to wash the toy in the tub. If he hits himself, he has to do something to help himself, that he wouldn't ordinarilly have to do, like change his sheets, or dust his room. But only for the number of minutes charged. So if he's half way through changing his sheets, you finish it. Say yes as much as you can. Let's say he wants chocolate milk. You say, "You can have chocolate milk once a week, on Saturday. Today is Tuesday, so today you can have milk or water." He says, "I don't know why I can't have chocolate milk!" You say, "But, you can have chocolate milk. On Saturday. Today, you can have milk or water, which would you like?" He says, "Why can't I have it TODAY!" You say, "You know why, and if you continue, I will charge you frustration minutes. And then you end the discussion. When he tries to goad you into a conversation (again) about why, just shut him down. You don't have to believe everything he says. Like he forgets why. You know he knows. He knows he knows. Just don't fight the fight. See my post today in foster parent support and you can see how to deal with arguing using frustration minutes. Praise him allllll the rest of the time. Thank him for doing the things you ask him to do, even if they are his chores. Thank him for the automatics, like clearing his plate, or brushing his teeth. You don't go into wild praise for basic things, he'll know it's fake. Just say thank you. When he makes a comment about you saying thank you, just shrug it off, and say you're just thankful. Because if he hates himself, he will want to stop doing the things that you say are good, so you can't explain that he is taking good care of himself in these ways, and that's good. But he will also feel better about himself just by you saying thank you. And he needs counseling. If you've already dealt with diet, NO caffeine, NO sugar, limited to NO pasta, NO high fructose corn syrup, and you don't want to try medication, then counseling is essential. About medication: I know what you mean. Overall, we're a no medication household. I don't even take Tylenol. And I don't give my kids medication, unless they absolutely need it. And I didn't give my daughter medication, she's 19 now. But here's the thing. Now that she's an adult, she can verbalize what goes on inside. She never could do that before this year. And it's really really horrible what she has to go through every minute of every day. So, if she had diabetes, I would change her diet, but if that didn't work, I would give her medicine. Why wouldn't I? Her body would not be able to survive any other way. And ADHD is the same. There is a chemical imbalance in the brain. There is not enough will power on the planet to create chemicals that are not there. And the only way to produce those chemicals is through replacing them until/if the brain kicks in and starts creating them on its own. So, if a child/adult can function at a normal level without medication, but with just behaviour modification and /or counseling, then YES, that's the way to go. But if you can't function even with those helps, then why wouldn't you improve the standard of living by replacing those chemicals. Just like you would for the diabetic. Because I've been a great mom. But my daughter doesn't just relate to me. She relates to a teacher, peers, school work, class transitions, home responsibilities, siblings, and every single time she fails or falls short from what she knows others can do, others do do, but she can't, she feels like crap. And worthless. And helpless. And when she started medication this past January, it has helped to put her on an equal footing with the world. And if I had it to do over again.... there's no doubt in my mind that I'd do it different. I just didn't know.