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Need some advice regarding our 5 year old boy recently showing major anxiety when being left to play. Background info on our son:[list][*]Raised from infant in foster home in Romania[*]We brought him home when he was 18 month old[*]Has been home for almost 4 years.[*]Has been an absolutely great kid. Plays with others, loves to snuggle, gifted athletically, a sensitive boy that is very aware of his surroundings. i.e. asks Dad if he will be okay sleeping alone on a business trip.[/list]The last two weeks he has been unwilling to participate in some activities:[list=1][*]After going to first week of teeball wouldn't participate the next week. When we strongly encouraged him he cried and became very anxious. He loves to play baseball with Dad and can hit overhand pitching very easily. Also throws exceptionally well for his age.[*]When Dad went to drop him and his sister off at the last day of summer sports camp, he cried hysterically and tore away from the camp counselor and ran to Dad's vehicle. Dad took him to run a few errands and when they returned to camp he wouldn't play and would only watch by Dad's side.[*]Wouldn't stay overnight at grandparents cabin with his favorite cousins. This is after earlier in the day he begged to stay overnight. When Mom and Dad began packing up, he changed his mind and began crying when we tried to encourage that there would be a bonfire, fireworks and swimming the next day. He went home with Mom and Dad and fell asleep 5 minutes into the car ride home.[*]Wouldn't stay at kids play area at athletic club. This is after he was excited to go that morning and play with this firiends there. When Mom tried to drop him off he began crying hysterically. Mom gave him a choice staying and playing or going home and sit in his room. He chose to go home and fell asleep in his room.[/list]This not normal behavior for him and we are worried that this will continue for vacation bible school, future soccer, kindegarten, etc. This all started around when Dad went on a week fishing trip. We aren't sure if it is related to Dad being gone or just a phase he is going through. Mom thinks he might be controlling what he wants through his hysterical crying. One person gave us advice that this is just a phase and to force him to attend these events even if he is out of his mind hysterically. That's what they did with their son, even when he got so upset that he would throw up. That doesn't feel right to me. Another person said, don't force him it will only ruin him down the road. This is just phase and find something he wants to do. Any advice, thoughts, tips are greatly appreciated.
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I realize that "experts" can be very dogmatic and even ideologically motivated, but the simple fact is that you must try to find a good psychologist or child counsellor -- one who does not reach for medication first thing!!! -- who can evaluate the nature of your son's problems. I say this because I know people who grow up with undiagnosed anxiety, if that's what this is, and when they finally receive treatment (of any form) in adulthood, their lives are immensely better. I'm just saying all this based on my personal experiences and observations. best wishes, and what a blessing to know that people are still adopting children from Romania.
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My son is 5. This is normal behavior. However, it seems to be to the extreme. That's were you are. My son has extreme anxiety also.
Talk to him. But, try to do it in abstracts, not confrontational with him. He might feel that you're blaming him. If you don't see it improving, I would suggest counceling.
About t-ball. My son's team and league allow all parents on the field if their child needs needs mom or dad there. Could you do that? Stand behind or beside and encourage?
I believe this is just a phase he is going through, but we will continue to monitor very closely. We were just hanging out one day and out of the blue he told me that he doesn't want me going on any more fishing trips. I think there is some anxiety with me being gone. Mom took him to vacation bible school this week in which he through a huge fit on not wanting to go. Mom went with him and helped him do the activities. Then one of the teachers asked him if he liked gumballs and that she had some pennies and knew where there was a gumball machine. He went with her and Mom left. He did well well the rest of the time. We are just going to have to play a more active roll in some of his activities as he goes through this phase. Thanks again for your comments.