What was wrong with me?

If your child was adopted you cannot get her back. Maybe you can try to have an semi or open adoption but you can't get her back. Also, may I suggest, that you tell the bdad he should have been concerned and wanting to parent from the get go, Not years later!:rolleyes:

Unfortunately you are not going to be able to demand a blood test. You can ask her parents, but I can see how that would really freak them out and they might say no. I agree with the previous poster....he should have done something to help you THEN. He has absolutely no right to make you feel bad for your decision. My heart goes out to you.

You do not need this man to manipulate your emotions. He should have done something 11 years ago and not waited until now. Do you have any idea where your daughter is?

In no way, shape, or form should you even mention "getting her back" out loud. You gave up all rights to her when you handed her over to her amother. She only has one set of parents and they are the ones who have been raising her. I was in a similar situation when I gave my daughter up. Her dad denied her at the time. He didn't believe she was his until AFTER I gave her up. Too Little Too Late! If he wants a paternity test, he can wait until when or if she wants a reunion with you. He has no rights. And why in God's name would you care what he thinks of you? Where was he when you needed him? You owe him nothing! Apparently he is raising the child he wanted to. The two of you do not have the right to disrupt her life as she knows it. It would be absolutely cruel to put her and her parents through something like that. The fact that you had a girl makes a reunion more likely. She will seek you out when she is ready. Just make sure you do everything you can to make it easy for her to find you. At that time, you will have the opportunity to talk to her about her father and a paternity test. I was reunited with my daughter when she was 20. We have had a wonderful relationship since then. She has 2 full-sisters and is thrilled to have them in her life since she was raised an only child. I did not put her fathers name on her birth certificate since he denied her at the time. So she does have issues about that. She said she never thought she would find her dad. Her adad died when she was very young. So she has had a little bit harder time bonding with her bfather. I never stress his denial of her paternity for fear of hurting her. They are very close now. I am interested in knowing how old your daughter is now? Sorry.... just re-read that she is 11. That would be a disaster to interupt her life at this point. It would do more harm than good and it would be the MOST selfish thing you could do to her. She is nowhere near mature enough to handle that type of situation. Did you discuss with her amom if she would be raised knowing she was adopted or how it would be handled? I apologize if I started out being harsh with you...... I COMPLETELY understand the aching of wanting her back everyday. Just remember that you gave her up to do the Best thing for her. Now you have to continue doing what is best by letting her live the life you gave her. Her amother was a gift you gave to her. Someone who longed to love your baby. Be thankful that God put her in your life and just look forward to your reunion. Pour your energy into doing something for your reunion. I started a scrapbook for my daughter with pictures of her sisters and other family events. I put this and special momentos from my life that would show her who we are and what we enjoy into a beautiful box that I presented her at our reunion. Her sisters, her father and I all wrote her letters to go in the box. I was so afraid our first meeting could be our last, so I wanted her to have something from all of us "just in case". In my opinion the greatest gift you can give your daughter is "respect". This means not only allowing her to be the one to initiate the reunion.... but also EVERYTHING should be on HER terms. If she only wants medical info. Give her that. Allow her time to process everything. If she wants a permanent relationship.... then you have been given a wonderful gift. If she does not, then just be satisfied knowing she is alive and well and had the good life you prayed for. That is all we can hope for as birth parents. NEVER let her aparents feel like you are a threat. They are her family, the only one she has ever known and they are a "package deal". It would put her in an awkward position if she felt she were hurting them to reunite with you. Always remember your place. that is a hard one for me! I look forward to hearing more from you. I pray you find some "peace" until your reunion comes. Look forward to it with joy and a positive attitude. God Bless You!

I just want to agree with everyone else that posted and say what a jerk he is.

I agree with everyone else. Please don't disrupt her life. She is 11. Please don't turn her life upside down. I will pray for all of you.