Researching for my ROOTS

I wanted to find out more about my culture, tribe, history and family tree. When I was seven years old my mother gave us to the state of New Mexico. She gave up her parental rights to us. My siblings and I were raised in a Children's Home. Our lives changed forever. It's as if our identity was wiped clean. Our culture, our tribe, our relatives and our language was gone. We were told time and time again that "we were living in the white world now" and we were "not to act like wild indians". It's sad to say but looking back on my life and my identity that was the saddest thing that you could tell a child. I was so ashamed of myself. I didn't know what to feel except sadness and pain of loosing my entire family and tribe. I was strong and I learned to adjust. You just have to put yourself into survival mode. Overall life turned out pretty sweet for me. I never looked back. I mean I have looked back but I didn't allow it to break me down. It's a sad story but life is full of tragedy. About 5 to 6 years later my mother came to visit us for the first time since she walked out on us. Believe me when I say "it wasn't a joyful day". At that point in my life I considered her dead. She came a few more times and never returned.I am now 36 years old and last year my brother finally convinced me to reunite with our mother. After saying NO for years I finally agreed it was time to take that step.My three children and I drove to Arizona and the moment I saw the canyon that I grew up playing in tears streamed down my face. It's as if mother earth welcomed me home. It's as if that little seven year old child inside myself was able to feel peace. I'm no closer to my mother and she continues to feel like a stranger to me. I don't see us having a relationship in the near future. We are completely two different people. I have gotten to the point that I need to find out about my roots a different way then trying to find answers through my mother. She refuses to give me any answers. I am trying to learn about my tribe, language, culture and family tree through research. I want to get my identity back and be proud of who I am. For a long time I have been avoiding who I really am.