mom what does your child call bmom

my child calls her bio mom by her first name.

That's so beautiful! Amen to you parents! They obviously love you very very much!

I think you all have great decisions, and the best is that it becomes ultimately the child's decision that you all seem to agree with. My son after I met him insisted that he call me mom. However, since he insisted on calling me mom, he has never used it, except when he is being sarcastic with my other kids, and then he just calls me "mommy". I think he knows who his parents (mom and dad)are, and that I am the one who made him. However, I am not the one who raised him and nurtured him, as he well knows it too. Even with all the issues he told me about, he never disrepects the true owners of the titles Mom and Dad, and I would never let him.

When we are talking about his birthmom we refer to heras Mama ____ (blank is her first name). We have a pretty closed adoption (letters and pictures only) so he's never spoken to her, but if he did I'd imagine he'd call her Mama when speaking to her directly. She signs her letters to him that way. As to him telling other people, we're an interracial family so he really doesn't have to TELL, everyone knows. However, when it does come up I want him to tell whatever he's comfortable with, which changes day to day for a young child. Telling people he has another mother who loves him doesn't make him less "mine".

She said my name (Jenna) over and over and over and over all weekend. :) It's like music from her mouth.

We asked both our kiddos' first moms... they want to be called by their first names.

Wow...how quickly things can change. I no longer have contact with birthson. Too many evil forces against this relationship....the worst of all forces are the drugs. He is an addict. Havoc reigned in my family for 4 years and it is not worth the destruction of our family anymore. I became a flaming enabler and had to let him go for his own sake... not to mention that he was ejected from our home by husband & children after stealing pain pills following surgery. I will always love this man and hope and pray for his recovery with his adopted family. He has a great deal more to lose than his biological family if he continues on this path...most of all, his financial security with his adoptive mother which he continually talked about. Adopted into a wealthy family carries its share of burdens.

What a tragedy...The impact of drugs is far reaching, is it not? My brother is an addict (in recovery) and I assure you that it knows no boundaries...Wealthy, poor, middle class, men, women, adopted, not...It touches us all. Good luck to your family.

I am an adoptee and have been reunited with bmom for 13 years. Things started out pretty fast and were very overwhelming. Anyway, bmom has put this pressure on me to call her "mom" and her husband "dad". She never could have anymore children but her and her husband did adopted a son. Without going into all the details (it would take way to long). She feels I should call her husband "dad" because of her guilt for not giving him a bchild. I do not feel this is my responsibility. She pretty much punishs me with the way she treats me because I do not call her what she wants me to. My children are her only grandchildren and they do call her and her husband grandma and grandpa. But I strongly feel that the title "mom" and "dad" should be reserved for the parents who did the care giving and raising etc. Her son also is reunited with his bmom. He does not call her mom. Bmom and his dad get mad when they feel his bmom is trying to influence him in anyway but apparently it isn't the same for me. The good old double standard. She has told me that doesn't want to be my friend. She wants to be my mom. Opinions please. She just got mad at me about something and deleted me from her facebook friend list. It hurts me to think that if I do not do what she wants then how easy it is for her to "delete" me from her life. Thanks

To the Previous poster, I am so sorry about your situation. I know it sounds obvious...but have you pointed out that she has one set of standards for you and another for her adopted child? It seems surprising that she cannot see she has a double standard but sometimes people are in such denial that they don't see something that is right under their nose. I find it interesting that she thinks you should call her husband "dad " because he does not have a bio child. I mean, he DOES have a son, and you are not his bio child either. So that seems strange. Is that something she is projecting or is that something he has actually said? All the best in navigating the tricky waters of reunion. I haven't been there but I know many who have.

It is something my bmom wants. Her husband cares for me and my family regardless of what name we call him. This consistant pressure has pushed me farther away from her. I can understand a bparent wanting to be established at the "mom" or "dad" to but I feel that it is something that should come from the heart and be meaningful. I do not feel this and bmom doesn't even come close to acting like any kind of mother to me except for what she wants. Personally, I think it should be up to the adoptive child as to what they want to call bparents. I just wish I knew how to get bmom to listen and respect my feelings to instead of throwing her feelings onto me all the time.

Hi Khegrat, I really relate to your experience, as I was in reunion also and our bmoms sound alike. As soon as I did not act like she wanted me to act, she split. She should respect your feelings, but she is acting like everything is "all about her". It is ridiculous that she wants to be called "mom" and then puts her feelings over her "child". Mine was the same way. I would tell you to just protect yourself. Establish boundaries and create space. She wont change and you will have to find a way to deal with her immature, selfish behavior, or break contact. I wish I could be more optimistic, but I can tell you, I understand how you feel Kim

Thank You for your response Kim. I completely agree with everything you stated in the above message. She is exactly that way. I am sorry for you to that you have had to go through this too. I think that they feel so guilty about their decisions that they (at least my bmom) blames me for not making it better for her because she isn't claiming her responsiblity in placing me up for adotion. All my life I never felt any kind of rejection about being adopted. I was just curious. After our reunion...with all the pressures she has placed on my, I never have felt so much rejection before in my life. Very sad :(

Mine always blamed me and everyone else ...but never herself. She never owned any of her behavior. It was always "someone else's" fault. I have never felt any sort of rejection in my life either and honestly, our reunion failed, and I still do not feel rejected. Adoption was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Your mother, like mine, is incapable of a mature, healthy relationship. That is not your fault, as it is not mine. I did everything I could to make it work. Her behaviors are all on her. It had nothing to do with me, as it has nothing to do with you Keep your head up. You are not being rejected. It is not about you. It is all on her and you need to protect yourself and your kids from selfish and emotionally manipulative behavior which your bmom is putting on you.

Thank you! :)