Question for birthmothers

Absolutely! As Patty-Cake said it would be nice to know it was the one and only time. The worst thought for me right now, is that I'll NEVER get to talk/see/anything with him.

Like previous posts on here, I would take in everything I could in that moment with my daughter, and add it to the memory of her as that tiny baby I held in my arms so long ago. I would answer whatever questions and tell her how much I love her and loved her and always will. If forced to choose between once or never, I would be content in once!

I think I would be at peace with my self and could move on if I had just one chance to see him tohold him and tell him he is loved and blessed to have the family he has.. jan

I can only agree. A few moments just to see that the child is alive, well and happy would be enough.dmca

[FONT=Comic Sans MS]In a heartbeat, without a doubt or question.[/FONT]

Just curious, hello&goodbye, is there a significance in your question? heartbeat (adoptee)

I just want to know, would it be enough. or would it lead to more heartbreak? Can once be enough?

I am a bmom to a 30 bson, and mom to 3 r sons, That question is one that was my "nightmare". What if he only saw me once. Yes, I would have done it. but I hate to think what that would have done to me later. Missing him. Almost like who would you throw overboard, if one had to go ? thankfully, my bson, took the chance and came to live with us for 6 mos or so. It has not been all roses, yet the thought of him moving on for his own good, has had me in tears again the last few days. What is 6 months out of 30 years..... it's 179 more days than just 1. And it isn't enough to "cure" my heart. that's my story. And these aparents have been just loving and gracious too. It was a closed adoption, and he searched for me. I had all my contact info on file, ready and waiting. sajofo

The Girls That Went Away is a must read book. I am an adult adoptee and it really opened my eyes to what my birth mother likely felt. She is deceased so I will never know for sure.

Good. I was just concerned that maybe you were going through something and wanted to offer help if I could. Glad to know it was just curiousity. :clap: heartbeat

I am a birthmother. Open adoption for first 3 years. No contact with adoptive mom for approx 12 years. Now, adoptive mom and I have emailed for the last 3 years. I gave her my new address and phone number back in Sept 2006. In November 2006 i asked if I could send a birthday card to him via the mail. The Mom did not email me for 2 months. I finally emailed her and told her in early January that I did not want to do anything that would interrupt his self sense of security in life, as well as screw up with his high school studies. In reply to my email, she asked for my address so that she could mail to me His High School Graduation Picture. As i don't have that picture yet, I can only assume that the picture is not yet been given to graduating students yet. So in another email to her I sent his birthday card to her on January 16, 2007, to show to him at her discretion. Now he is 18 last january. Since emailing back and forth for the last 3 years with his Mom, this is the personal things she has offered to give me. I have learned he has a car and a girlfriend, he graduates in June of this year. And his adopted sister is now married. Other than the first 15 pics she sent to me of up to his first 3 years of age, she finally sent me one pic of him while at his sister's wedding in late Feb 2007. I was anxious, nervous, excited, proud, and scared. All in that order. Scared because, I wondered if he knew that I want to contact him, but that he is unaware that his mom and I are in communication via email with each other. I know his mom is protecting him (wouldn't every mom do the same?) because she probably feels threatened by my wanting to communicate with him. Also I asked her if I could send a graduation card to him in june. Yes, I know, send it to his mother, but shouldn't I treat him like an adult? And mail the Graduation card to him personally, a few days after he graduates of course, because I don't want to spoil his special day events. I hope he doesn't think that I never think of him. In answer to your question, YES!!! One meeting, In person would be Beautiful for me. Why, because, what if after he graduates and goes to Iraq and dies, or is in an accident that takes his life? That is why I desire to see him personally, to hear his voice, see his mannerisms, see a twinkle in his eye, to hug him, to see his smile. Ohh, this is soo tearful, agonizing stuff i am revealing to you. His mother doesn't know this is how I feel. I am not sure if his adopted sister knows that I email with their adoptive mom. His sister is also adopted and is looking for her birthmother. So, you see, the adoptive Mom is going through alot of feelings. I have found sites where the adopted sister is looking for her birthmom, along with the adoptive sister's email address. Cannot contact adoptive sister to ask about my birthson (her adopted brother). And believe me when I say, I have certainly thought about it. Don't brothers and sisters talk about such things? But THAT would be going behind their Mom's back. And I don't want to harm my relationship with his Mom. I definately made the correct decision for his life. I love him soooo much. I held him in the hospital for 30 minutes - all by myself. The main reason I called the nurse to take him to his new parents (they had a room so that they could bond immediately with him) was because I did not want his new parents to suffer the feeling that I might be anticipating keeping him. Lord only knows, that is probably exactly what they were feeling, I mean, 30 minutes, to them that would be like days of torment. But I had my minutes with my birthson, and he has a mole/freckle on the back of one of his shoulders I still remember. God he was beautiful. And from the picture I have of him via email from his mom just last month while he was in his sisters' wedding party, he is still beautiful.

Certainly I would want to see the bchild...but what about the child? what would he or she want?

I would do it just for my peace of mind just to be able to see my child as it was a closed adoption...got more than that though as we have been in reunion for a while.

:wings: Without a doubt I would welcome the opportunity to hold her in my arms one more time and look into her eyes and tell her that she is loved.! To say goodbye again would be painful......but to be given the chance to hold her one last time would bring a sense of peace to my heart....

Hello searching I hope and pray you are given that gift.. Jackie