Are you happy that you were taken from your birthfamily?

Why would any one be happy about being taken from family?. I was seven when I was taken away from my family. There was a medical problem I had that made it hard for Bfamily to keep me. Neighbor lady offered to take me in as foster child, with placement consent, which meant if she located adoptable family she could place me. Well she "forgot" to tell family she already had me placed . I was with her two days when I was told I was being placed with a friend of her's that wanted me.Nice huh?Timmy

I'm so sorry you experienced this! One of the biggest things I've learned as a foster parent is the importance of being truthful with the kids or birth family as much as possible. This is one of the things that I think is just awful about foster care. The questions that I originally asked have proven to be very beneficial to me as I looked for answers on whether I would be helping or hurting children by participating in the foster care system. My conclusion is that I would be helping. Many of the former foster children have posted on this forum and were glad that they were taken and/or adopted. Many have were glad to have been removed from their situations. Thank you so much for adding your point of view to this. As always, I learn from each person.

I WAS TAKEN AT THE AGE OF 4 AND WAS IN AT LEAST 19 FOSTER HOMES BECAUSE THE ABUSIVE ONES SCARED THE PEE OUTTA OF ME I WISHED EVY NIGHT MY MOM WOULD BE A SUPERHERO AND FIND ME ...BUT THAT NVR DID BUT WHEN I WAS IN A HOME I LIKED I LOVED THAT I WAS TAKEN ...NOW I AM ADOPTIED WHEN I WAS 17 AN DFOUND A LOVIN FAMILY I STILL TALK TO MY BIRTH FAMILY AND SEEIN THEM NOW THAT IM OLDER AND MORE MATURE IF U WERE TO ASK ME THAT QUESTION I WOULD SAY YES IT WAS FOR THE BEST AND NOW IM GOING TO GO TO COLLEGE AND BE A PAROLE OFFICER .....WHLE I HAD A HARD TIME IN FOSTERCARE IT HAS MADE MORE WISER IN WHAT I WANT IN A FAMILY :grouphug:

I was taken at 16, and RU'd just a couple of months later. I wasn't happy at the time, but looking back on it, I'm glad it happened, since it gave everyone a wake-up call. I love my foster mom, and still talk to her 7 years later :clap:

You do not know how my heart breaks when I read stories like this. I'm adopting a sibling group of 3, bringing my total number of kids up to 7. I had planned to keep up my license only so we can adopt any more children by the same birth mother, if need be, but when I read stuff like this, I can't help but think that maybe I should keep being a foster parent. I'm so sorry the system failed you in so many ways. I'm very happy you have made peace with your time in care. You must be an amazing person to overcome these (I'm sure your loving adoptive family helped with that:) obstacles. I think as a police officer, you will be even better because of your experience in foster care. In our state, only a police officer can remove children, unless their is a court order. I think you will have better insight into when it really is in the child's best interest to remove a child and when it's not. Do you mind if I ask you about the foster homes you were in? Why so many? Did CPS/DFCS ever tell you why they were moving you?My soon to be adopted kids started out in our home but we were only doing respite/emergency care at that time because my husband's mother was just diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. (We were trying to spend lots of weekends with her at that time and she lives in another state, so we decided to just do the respite/emerg. care to make it easier on us) Anyhow, I had these kids for about 4 days in our home before they found their first "permanent" placement...which only lasted a couple of months. After my home, they had 3 more homes. Then they came back to me :love:. I've always felt like the system failed my kids. I'm glad they are with me now, and wish more than anything I had just kept them from the beginning. Counting his birthfamily and my home twice (since they moved into it twice), my kids moved 5 times in a year.

I was left in an abusive home (4 different investigations by CPS, who never even asked me what I wanted) and everyone saw what was happening to me, and no one did anything to protect me. I prayed every night that I would be taken away. I prayed I was adopted and this horrid family wasn't the only one I had that maybe there was another one out there. I used to hide at people's houses and refuse to come home. The bruises were bad enough I couldn't sit down. I even ran away to my aunt's house down the road, and told my aunt I couldn't take it another minute, she calmed me down, then sent me back. Because she felt powerless to help me. Well how helpless and HOPELESS does that make ME feel, if no adult can make a difference??? As an adult, my mother has not gotten better. She tried to run me over 2 years ago. Everyone still thinks I need to just accept her for who she is. When my sister started self destructing I knew I couldn't sit back and watch it. So I took my sister away and she lives with me now. My mom is too big of a coward or too lazy to come get her back. She knows I'd win in any court of law. So my sister is safe now, and happy, and well-adjusted for the most part. And she thanks me everyday for taking her away.:love: :boot: I ground her, and make her do chores and chew her out for bone-headed decisions. :arrow: And she's grateful, because she knows what life is like when parents DON'T put in any effort or care. WE ARE "the kind of kids" that would be happy to have been taken away..... And, I know now, that being left there to rot in hell as a child, is what allowed me to save my sister. I could take it, but she was dying.

Did you feel like you "belonged"?ALWAYS. It never occurred to me that i should ever feel otherwise.If not, was it something your adoptive family did or did not do, that made you feel this way?In regards to the opposite- my family explained and viewed my adoption as just another way of creating an addition to the family, no different than a "natural" birth. They never talked about me being "given up" by my biological mom, and my Parents adopted me because they loved me and wanted me, so there was never the feeling that i wasn't exactly where i was supposed to be all my life.Are you glad you were adopted?YES! I thank God every day for it! I only wish that the same was true of my unfortunate half-sister, who was tortured by her supposed "biological" family and is now nearing adulthood still traumatized by her experiences.Did you have an open adoption?Nope. In my case, it may have been the best scenario.If not, do you wish you had an open adoption?Nope. As far as i'm concerned, the amount of love i feel from my own family is more than enough!Do you think all adopted children would benefit from therapy?No.... why would they have to if they are growing up happy just like "normal" kids? Doesn't treating them different make them feel like they are different?In your opinion, what can an adoptive family do help the children adopted from foster care the most?Love them, explain the child's adoption as a natural process- that they belong or were meant to be a part of their family, they just came from somewhere else. It's how fate happens. People are brought together in myriad ways, and especially in the modern world, the definition of "family" encompasses endless configurations. So clarify that "normal" is unique.

What an amazing thread...from the adoptees/foster kids with great insights to share and the adoptive/foster parents who want to understand the best way to make their kids feel welcomed and loved. :)

I just wanted to add, within a couple weeks of getting our current FS (our first placement :) We put a framed picture of him up on the wall. He was sooo excited! He thought that it was "really cool" and asked if we "would keep it always!" and of course I made a copy to send home on a visit.

Sorry, What I was trying to do was also say that I totally agree with thezephyr' s comment! For some reason I am missing a paragraph to my reply above. This is a very good thread and I have gained a lot of insight too as a new foster parent. I pray that the children that stay with us do have good memories of us if or when they return home.

I cannot begin to express how happy I am to have found this thread. I see the life my foster son will be going back to and it breaks my heart. Maybe the abuse/drinking/drugs will be gone... Someday. But it's very apparent that Bmom and Bdad are not capable of parenting... It breaks my heart that he will never get help with homework... Never get Tylenol when sick and will be dragged all over God's creation even when fevered and ill. I just keep thinking that if I were him and I could make a choice I would not choose the bios. We are adopting his sibling and it literally sickens me to know that she will be well cared for while he gets by any way he can. Anyway the POINT of my post is to tell you about my former boyfriend. He grew up his entire life with two violent alcoholics, mom got on the wagon sometimes.... But dad was always drunk. Most of the time they lives in one bedroom apartments and his "bed" and personal space was the area behind the sofa against the wall... It was the only place that his drunk parents would forget he was so he could skip being beaten... Some nights. In 7th grade in a drunken rage his dad took a baseball bat to him, he went to foster care... For TWO days. The best TWO days of his life he said. He was returned after two days (wth) the problem was of course not fixed the cycle continued. His dad graduated to shooting nicknacks off the walls once they finally got a HUD house. When I met him as a senior in high school he had the bare essentials. One fitted sheet, one blanket and a well worn pillow. He played football and thankfully the football moms made sure he had a dinner for the away games, they raised money for his varsity coat, and although he appreciated it he was highly embarrassed to be the poor kid. He told me all the time he wished he had been left in care and adopted.

My parents signed their rights away due to a deal they made in a criminal trial. It sucked because that just showed how much they cared about themselves but after everything we went though it was happy it was over. I was 15 and my brothers 5 and 6. It didn't want to be adopted because I wasn't looking to do my own thing at that point. My brothers on the other hand were adopted and are doing great and They are happy. As far as therapy I think all children that have gone through abuse or the adoption process should have therapy. There are always questions and feelings deep down that it's best to talk about with someone you know you don't see everyday and will really judge you. I'm just started telling our story at [url=http://www.imafoster.com]IMAFOSTER.COM[/url].

******UPDATE******* My sister, who was not on track with enough credits to graduate, NOR did she care if she didn't.....Just graduated high school. She had to take a full load of summer school classes for the rest of her HS career AND not fail a single class in order to graduate. -She not only graduated, but she earned some awards as well, 2010 student of the year in computer technologies And the biggie.... Sterling Scholar in Drama/Speech. She went from straight F's and only a 4th grade knowledge of the basics, to straight A's and B's. She earned a scholarship to 2 colleges, and it will be her choice where to attend. She also received a trust fund cash scholarship from a member of the community. She is no longer depressed, dirty, suicidal, anorexic, or emo. She is confident, popular, clean, classy, well-known, happy, and ambitious.:clap: :clap: :clap: When I wrote that post, she had only been with us a few months and I had no idea if it would work, or if the sacrifice would pay off at all. And it has paid off in SPADES.

Aspenhall, that is such a wonderful update---thank you for sharing your sister's progress with us! It is so amazing when a troubled person experiences this type of transformation. I've seen it time and time again within my own extended family, and it always takes my breath away. :clap:

RE pictures on the wall--Some of you have had a LOT of foster children. Do you have a "wall gallery"? I can imagine being a foster kid and getting my picture on the wall, and how nice it would feel knowing that picture would stay there even if I didn't--that the foster parents really did love me and consider me "theirs"--even if just for a while.