Can you break conditions?

Part of it depends on where you are - are OAs enforceable in your state? Also, what does your OA agreement spell out in terms of consequences if he breaks the conditions? In terms of calling the house, can you block his number? Your son should still be able to call bdad if he chooses, but that would stop the calls coming in (at least from that number). If he does call from a consistent number, you could also always stop answering calls from that number; if you do answer when he calls, you can simply tell him how it is okay to contact (if at all), then hang up.If you feel that visits need to be supervised due to his behavior, is there a contingency for this in the OA agreement? Social services would likely not do so, because their visitation supervision tends to be stretched pretty thin as it is, but there are agencies that do supervised visitations; it needs to be paid for, so either you or he would have to foot the bill (the terms of your OA would determine which).

Part of it depends on where you are - are OAs enforceable in your state? Also, what does your OA agreement spell out in terms of consequences if he breaks the conditions? In terms of calling the house, can you block his number? Your son should still be able to call bdad if he chooses, but that would stop the calls coming in (at least from that number). If he does call from a consistent number, you could also always stop answering calls from that number; if you do answer when he calls, you can simply tell him how it is okay to contact (if at all), then hang up. If you feel that visits need to be supervised due to his behavior, is there a contingency for this in the OA agreement? Social services would likely not do so, because their visitation supervision tends to be stretched pretty thin as it is, but there are agencies that do supervised visitations; it needs to be paid for, so either you or he would have to foot the bill (the terms of your OA would determine which).

I looked through previous threads to clarify. The bdad is your sister's ex. That can get tricky, it's hard to be impartial when it comes to family. He might feel like her whole family just had it in for him from the start, he might feel that you're not treating him fairly. This is an issue with any kinship adoption: one parent is still family, and the other parent is just an ex. The child is still part of one side of the family, but could lose all contact with the other side, which for typical American mutts can include whatever ethnic traditions are on that side of the child's heritage. The bdad is hurting, blames you, and you could ease that hurt, or make it worse. More importantly, you might be, even without meaning to, sending signs to your son that his bdad is a bad person and therefore he shouldn't love him, and that gets emotionally messy for kids who do still love their biological parents. It's really hard when people you love are in conflict, even for adults, and its worse for kids because they just don't have the full emotional tool kit to deal with it. Just because you legally can do something, and you want to do it, that doesn't mean you should.

I'm sorry, but how did a person harassing a family and violating OA have anything to do with the OP hurting the bio dad's feelings. I'm sorry, but the bio dad's feeling are irrelevant when you are talking about the safety of the OP's CHILD. This isn't a shared custody arrangement, this is parent who lost their rights, deservedly so. What is all this nonsense about "American Mutts?" OP, I'd take a look at your state's OA policies and under what conditions you can end an OA agreement. Then I'd send the bio dad a certified letter outlining the OA and letting him know that if he continues xyz you'll be revoking the OA. Most states have pretty clear cut statements in the OA that say "as long as it's the best interest of the child." Since YOUR child doesn't wish to have this level of contact, and the bio dad is not respecting boundaries, you should be able to revoke. Good luck!

I second the letter with a recap of the rules or end contact. Open adoptions are no help to the kids when the bio parents are abusive in any way. Do what's best for your family.

I would direct your questions to the social worker that was over the adoption if that is possible. They know your situation and laws for your area and probably what steps you may need to take if any to stop contact if needed or to have them supervised. I would keep a log of everything that is said or done from this point on just in case you need proof to prove your case should you need to go to court at some point. I would also refuse to answer the phone call or block it. I would send him a certified letter reviewing the boundaries you have already established that he should be following. Let him know that you are willing to hold up your agreement only if the rules that were agreed upon are followed. Is there something that caused him to become upset? Something that triggered these behaviors?I would try and get down to the bottom of it and try and repair the relationship in any way I could while also holding strong to the boundaries and making them clear. If it's mostly the drugs talking and he isn't able to listen to reason it might be better to stop contact for now.

Thank you. For some reason last time I tried to login it would not let me. I am in NY so yes it is enforceable. I have blocked their numbers thanks for the advice. I will be looking into the supervised visit option as they are due one.

Thank you. I have been very supportive and tried to even help them reunite before the TPR. I have told my son when asked direct questions that just because people make mistakes it does not make them bad or love him any less. With respect to my sister well now I have had to block her number too as I was getting awful text messages and voicemails. It is all so sad. I just wanted to help a little boy.

I too am in a kinship adoption In a legally enforced oa In my case,, I only need to document 3 instances of bp not adhering to the conditions before severing contact. Once that occurs, it is up to the bp to sue for enforcement. If they are ruled against, they are required to pay BOTH our legal fees. In your case, its pretty clear there are violations. I'd check with whomever crafted your oa to see what your options are. If you do not have anything in writing.. its start with that.. making it clear what he has to lose if he continues with this behavior