What Would Have Helped You?

I am a birthmom with a 17 + year old son. I am on the countdown to his 18th birthday. I live for his 18th birthday in a great portion of each day. Who could have ever thought. My situation is a little different from others posted on here. Open adoptions were not so popular then. My son was adopted by a family member, which was basically an arrangement by my parents. This whole situation has been tenuous at best. Things I have never imagined have become part of the equation. I have 3 wonderful children now. I am sure how I relate and act with them is impacted by the son I was unable to raise. I feel now as these children have been deprived of a brother - not just that I have been deprived of a child. I had little knowledge of childbirth, etc. I was a good student in high school and college. This was used against me as far as the adoption proceedings because I should have been smart enough to understand the legalese in the adoption papers. But, I had no knowledge of childbirth, postpartum, the Law, etc. There was so much I new nothing about. I actually took jeans to the hospital with me to wear home after I had my son. I had no idea that my hips had widened and that it would be some time before I got back in my old jeans. I never knew my boobs were going to become so hot and hard. Who knew all this stuff. I, of course, never went to lamaze because that would have ruined my parents keeping me in hiding so my little secret would not get out. There is so much that happens to your body when you have a baby. There is so much that happens in your life after you have a baby. Although, I do not think this was the best for my situation, I understand some women do place their children and it is what is best for them. I do think that no one else should be able to inflect their personal agenda in someone's life. This is someone's child. No one else should be able to alter where that child is raised. (of course - assuming no abuse to the child). Additionally, I think the pregnant person has the right to have as much information to gather as she possibly can. She should know what is going on with her body, and have the opportunity to find out about women who have placed, women who have raised their children, and women who have opted for an abortion. She should be able to decide for herself, without outside infuences telling her what she should do. It's a very personal decision. It's also life altering whatever way you go.