Sad and Scared

Christie, I don't know if you remember me but we were going though the same thing u are, I am the wife of daddyangel I know my husband has wrote to you before. I just read your post and it breaks my heart. We still have not heard from the courts in our case. Or have we heard anything from N.C. I know where u are coming from. not knowing what to do, I was there, and its very scary. But in our case we decide to do nothing...Why do all the work for the B-parents when we know darn well they don't want these angels. And in our case its working, the B-father has done nothing at all. But its still in the back of my mind that he could, yes I would love for this to be over and done with, but at the same time I went into a huge depression and I can't go back there, I won't. I had thoughts that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Thats how much this little girl means to me, and my family. I hope everything works out for you, and I will pray for you and your family.

Christie, I don't know if you remember me but we were going though the same thing u are, I am the wife of daddyangel I know my husband has wrote to you before. I just read your post and it breaks my heart. We still have not heard from the courts in our case. Or have we heard anything from N.C. I know where u are coming from. not knowing what to do, I was there, and its very scary. But in our case we decide to do nothing...Why do all the work for the B-parents when we know darn well they don't want these angels. And in our case its working, the B-father has done nothing at all. But its still in the back of my mind that he could, yes I would love for this to be over and done with, but at the same time I went into a huge depression and I can't go back there, I won't. I had thoughts that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Thats how much this little girl means to me, and my family. I hope everything works out for you, and I will pray for you and your family.

Christie, We know what you are going through. It is the absolute most heartbreaking process. I strongly feel something desperately needs to be done this should not be allowed to keep going on. Its not fair to everyone involved especially these innocent angels. I agree, however with daddysangel...we were told do nothing let him push for the court hearings. Its not easy at all...the "not knowing" is just horrible. Having these angels for the length of time we have all had them, and yet nothing is being done is just sad. I keep looking to God and I have the most faith that only God knows the plans for each and every one of these angels. Please just keep faith in God and keep praying. I pray everyday for God to give me the strength to overcome the constant worry. Nobody knows what this is like unless they live it!! Biologically your child or not we love these angels as our very own!! Try to imagine your 2 year old being pulled out of your home or your 4 year old. That is just an impossible vision. I try not to think or worry and I know its not easy. Every morning and night I pray and it really helps because God is with us every step of the way....knowing that helps me get through day by day. I could not imagine a day without my angel...as I am sure you and daddysangel can't either. These angels are our world...and God knows the love we have in our hearts for these angels..The one thing that is true for all of us, is that even through these rough times we need to pull together. If you need me to listen or to talk to pm me. Tears are always falling from my eyes, but knowing that we still have our angel -we just take day by day-and continue to thank God for our precious blessing!! This is not an easy thing, you accepted this angel as your child...just like we all did. They were born not under our hearts but in them and that is where they will forever be........And nobody can ever take that from us!!! Keep God in your heart and keep praying...

I'm too upset to be able to express myself like I would like. But I want you guys to know how much I appreciate you and your support. Christie P.S. StacyKelley, tears are always falling from my eyes as well.

Christie,My heart goes out to you...Saying a special prayer ...:wings:

Christie,We all can not tell you what to do.You know what GOD is telling you.I know in our case we were so unprepared for this that when we found out the BF was going to fight it it was laughable.You think to yourself"well good luck with that". Never thinking that he would have a chance in court to pull an 8yr old girl out of a stable home.Knowing that if the police came to get her you could ask the bf to pick the one that is his and he would not beable to do it.This is not a slam on him it is just reality.He has never met her and to this day has never tried.So of course he would have to guess.I think society and the court systems believe that if a child is not blood (biological) then he or she can not mean that much to anyone.If anyone of them came into our house and did not know we were adopting her they would never beable to tell. I can say that because it has happened.When they find out the response is"Oh really,I would have never guessed".WHY?? Because believe it or not we function like a family.WOW!! Believe it or not they see us treating her like our daughter and her treating us like her parents and treating that 4yr old biological child like a sister.Who could have ever guessed that she is being adopted?? If society and the court systems could see that biological and adopted feel the same way,they may beable to finely go with what is best for the child.I pray and hope that they do in your case.Knowing now what I did not know then I can not imagine my life without this angel and I hope that you will not be forced to do that.No one should have to go through stuff like this.I mean that for the Bparents also if they truthfully want the child.But after 8yrs of nothing I doubt "truthfully" is not a word he would use. I will keep you in my prayers and I also pray that someday this type of madness will end.GOD BLESS

Christie, I am incredibly sorry that you are feeling so sad and confused and afraid. I do understand. We are still not resolved but feeling more hopeful. Still, until all is said and done and we hold the final birth certificate in our hands, we can not relax. I have nightmares of losing my baby. We did not step in and try to kidnap someone's baby. They had every right to parent and we would have understood. Waiting, though, after giving her a home and a family, is so unfair to her. What do they think these children are doing while they are trying to get their lives together to parent? Do they not realize that they have families, daily structure, their bedrooms, their toys, their brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandmothers, grandfathers -- all who love them unconditionally and they love back. What are we????????? Babysitters??????? I vascillate between being livid, being afraid, being happy and amazed at her smile, being hateful, being loving. It's impossible to consider living this as long as some of you have. May you all find peace. Christie, you are in my heart. No one knows how this feels unless they have lived it. There is no way to know the capacity of our love for these children -- not the courts, not anyone. It is unconditional and it is forever. Your friend,Josie

Christie: Without going into detail, I can tell you that our family has gone through a living #*(% last year. It did not come about because of the adoption status, but it did affect it for several months. And....as you have posted, the waiting and not knowing and worry and strife from 'wondering WHY anyone would act and feel as they do?' can take over our entire souls, to say the least. I can tell you now, after almost 18months later, that we never in our wildest dreams ever thought our situation would end as it did---and it ended with a "God Thing", as I call it------and all was resolved in a good way. As I said, the details were not as you are going through, but I know what it is like to worry that your family will be torn apart by people who have no idea about the bonds and ties that grow through adoption. Just know that I am saying a prayer for you tonight, and I pray that all will be well and your family will stay intact. Try to think of other things----though I know that's almost impossible....and know that there are people here who care and will listen. Most Sincerely, Linny

I have followed your story and it is so heart breaking. It really makes you wonder how the world/justice system can be so messed up. We are going through an appeal process right now. We've fostered our son since he was 8 weeks old. He will be 2 years old in a month in a half. He will probably be 2 1/2 or 3 by the time all this appeal process is over and we can either adopt him or go through everything all over again as his birthmom tries to show she can parent him when so far she has done nothing on her case plan and her condition has only gotten much worse. It's very overwhelming at times the though of lossing him when he has become so much a part of our family. I honestly cannot picture our family without him in it, it would be as though our son had died our loss would be so great. The ONLY thing that holds me through is knowing that GOD is in charge of this case, not his birthmom, not the attorneys or even the judge. If it's Gods Will that he is meant to be our son then he WILL be our son. He has proved himself in that past where we almost lost our daughter and at the very LAST moment possible the whole case tunred around and she was ours. Put your trust in him and ask him to help you carry this burden and heavy load. I couldn't imagine doing it on my own. I honestly don't see how people who don't believe in God can find peace or comfort in hard times like these it must be so difficult. It is TERRIBLE what your sons birthmom has done to your family and ultimately her birthson. It is so sad and completely wrong that it has been allowed to go on for so long. I am so sorry for what you are going through and I pray you will be able to put this all behind you ASAP. I think I would fight it....and if possible bring her to court of harrassment or something. There has got to be some grounds for what she is doing to you and your family. She should have to pay for all this money you have spent on court cases and your pain and suffering. It's just not right!!!

I agree with the previously posted responses, and that it makes us feel like we are just babysitters. Good enough to raise them for months or years but not good enough to actually adopt them. This whole thing is really unfair. It is the truth if you came into our homes these are our children. Just like everyone loves and treats their own children, we do the same. That is why the heartache of ever thinking of this angel leaving us is just too great to even imagine. It angers me as I am sure everyone else how this can just keep going on. It hits home everytime I read another posting from a contested adoption. To me its so obvious, for some this is just a control issue. Clearly, you question the commitment a person has to a child after not seeing, or talking to that child for months, or years. And yet these are the biological parents. Knowing your child is going up for adoption, and that is not your wishes-something needs to be done immediately! And I agree 100% you think after 8 years, 4 years or 16 months....that there is no way a judge would think of pulling this child away from the only family he/she knows. You would immediately ask the question ...Where have you been? What can be more important then you son or daughter? I cannot think of any excuse that would be a good enough to those questions. Allowing time to pass, and doing nothing to visit or call or something, should be grounds for termination. Attachment issues should be the biggest concern- and should be judged by the best interest of the child. I think judges are just too quick to side with the biological parent. Having these angels for now over 1 year, 4 years, and 8 years..should speak for itself!!!

Thank you all for your support - it helps to be able to come here and "talk". daddysangel and trying to keep angel - you guys have been through eight years and it is insane that there could even be a questions here. Thanks for your support - knowing you have done this for (unfortunately) twice as long as me, tells me it can be done. My son's bmom also would not be able to pick him out - she has no idea what he looks like or who he is, or what he likes. How sad. And she has had EVERY opportunity to have a loving open adoption which she refuses (AFTER she insisted on an open adoption agreement which we signed) - she refuses to have anything to do with him other than file against us in court. StacyKelly - you said it right: "It is the absolute most heartbreaking process." I thank you for your PM and for all you have done for me and the others of us on this board going through this nightmare. Linny - "the waiting and not knowing and worry and strife from 'wondering WHY anyone would act and feel as they do?' can take over our entire souls, to say the least." YES! There are times I find it almost impossible not to let this horrible ordeal overtake me and send me spiraling down - I fight against that every day. I'm so glad that yours has finally resolved - at least I know that is a possibility with at least one person. "we never in our wildest dreams ever thought our situation would end as it did" I never thought in my wildest dreams ANY of this could go on - not for one day and certainly not for four years. mom2GRLC - "It is TERRIBLE what your sons birthmom has done to your family and ultimately her birthson. It is so sad and completely wrong that it has been allowed to go on for so long. I am so sorry for what you are going through and I pray you will be able to put this all behind you ASAP. I think I would fight it....and if possible bring her to court of harrassment or something. There has got to be some grounds for what she is doing to you and your family. She should have to pay for all this money you have spent on court cases and your pain and suffering. It's just not right!!!" Thank you for that validation as that is exactly how I feel. However - she has 5 lawyers that are being paid for by the state and I have to spend vast amounts of money every time we go to court. I would love to charge her lawyers/her/the courts/the judge/SOMEONE with harrassment - but how can I pssibly fight 5 lawyers who are paid by the state and seem to relish in every court battle? The bmom seems to love the attention and I feel like David going up against Goliath - only it doesn't appear I have any divine intervention. This is a long post I know - but I'd like to add one more thing. StacyKelly - you said "Where have you been? What can be more important then you son or daughter? I cannot think of any excuse that would be a good enough to those questions. Allowing time to pass, and doing nothing to visit or call or something, should be grounds for termination. Attachment issues should be the biggest concern- and should be judged by the best interest of the child. I think judges are just too quick to side with the biological parent. Having these angels for now over 1 year, 4 years, and 8 years..should speak for itself!!!" Yes - again you have stated exactly how I feel and I appreciate you and everyone else for supporting me and my son and helping me to know that I am not the only one going through this - and that my feelings are normal concerning the horrible circumstances. Thank you all - it helps sooooo much knowing we can help each other and that we do understand each other. Blessings and wishes for all of us some peace in our lives. Christie