I was trying to think of something that I could give to our pbm at the hospital when she delivers. Any suggestions?:)
I would check with your attorney. In our case we adopted in Tennessee, but live in Georgia. Both attorneys advised against gifts of any kind until after things were more finalized.
I just spoke with my Lawyer today about any type of gift before she signs (She's due in Jan) and he said NO. He would not give her anything, because you don't in anyway want to make her think you are paying her. Even small gifts he said.
After the birth of our baby we gave the bmom a plush robe. After paperworked was signed a locket.
Such good ideas.
At the hospital we brought some magazines for decorating and cooking (she likes to do both) and an iron basket with plants in it.
At the placement ceremony--at the hospital after signing paperwork two days after the birth--we gave her a gift bag. In it were three identical bracelets--they are all matching except one is little. One is hers, one is mine, and the little one is the baby's. She said she wears it everyday to remind her of the special bond we share.
It is hard to think of just the right gift!
I don't know how others feel about it but the "thank you" necklace just doesn't sit right with me.
Especially not at the time of the birth and when she still has the option to change her mind and parent her child. That is a bit presumptious.
We were told no gifts until after she signed. In the hospital we brought her lunch or dinner in since the hospital food was horrible. She loves Jack in the Box and there happens to be one right across the street from the hospital so my husband would bring her up food. Once she signed we sent her a huge refillable type photo album with about 5 pages of pictures of our daughters first 15 days. She adds the pictures we send now to the album. Since we finalized in Dec we sent her a nice heart shaped necklace, with diamonds~bmoms birthstone surrounding an emarald, daughters birthstone to show our love for her. (she ended up pawning the necklace to move back here from GA!:grr: )
We were told no gifts until after she signed. In the hospital we brought her lunch or dinner in since the hospital food was horrible.
So buying her lunch and meals like that were okay? We were told no gifts also, but wondered if we could take her out to eat.
I gave my birth mom a bracelet and also a photo book with this "inscribed":
The Gift of Three Hearts
One heart wanted to give her baby more,
Knowing she wasn’t able to give her all.
One heart wanted to give her all,
Knowing she wasn’t able to give her birth.
One was born, given in love
Blessing each heart every day.
And I put my name, birth mom's name and DD's name around the poem. (I also have this in my DD's "birth book"). (OMG, I'm probably going to get "bashed" for the poem, but it fit perfectly with the reasons my DD's birth mom described for placing her).
P, I would follow your lawyer's advice, but buying food, etc. I think should be totally fine. While I understand the "coercion" thing, it's like what about being a kind human thing!!
Thanks, Leigh!! I'm a little sensitive these days. But I really thought it was a beautiful poem, given that birth mom really wanted DD to have a better life than she and birth dad could give her right now (her words, not mine!). And it's funny how I think of my daughter as a "product" of both of our hearts!
After the paperwork was signed in the hospital, we gave J a silver box for hospital momentoes, and also included a pendant with Megan's birthstone (which was incredibly similiar to the pendant they gave to us, for her). We gave G (bdad) a silver box as well, and a gift card to take J out for dinner. We also gave them little photo albums. We also gave the birthgrandmothers (we met them both at the hospital) a photo frame and photo album.
Yes, we were told that we could take her out to dinner or lunch when we went to doctor's appointments and that it was fine to bring her food in the hospital. Just be sure to keep your reciepts if you do take her out to eat after a doctor's appointment so you can claim it as an expense for the adoption~ it counts. We didn't turn in the cost of the food in the hospital but you might be able to just ask your attorney first if you want to claim that too.
Thanks for the info on taking her out to eat. I'll double check with my lawyer, if he thinks thats okay. But I would think so if you can claim it on the taxes.
When I had "our" son, his adoptive parents stayed in the hospital with me until visiting hours were over (I wanted them to... it was important to me that the significant people in my life meet the baby and his parents). There was a brief period where the adoptive father left to get some Italian food, which was awesome. As a gift upon leaving the hospital, they got me a small CD player that I could plug into the cigarette lighter of my car... very practical and very appreciated, since I work out of my car (8 hours a day, 5 days a week), and it needs a decent amount of work before I can put a car stereo in it... I've really needed some sort of music. I didn't feel coerced in the slightest by that, but I guess some people might see it as that.
A month after he was born, they sent me a photo album and a wonderful letter, basically saying all the things they couldn't before because they didn't want them to sound phony or like they were trying to get on my good side. I absolutely love that photo album.
The practical gift and food was more appropriate for immediately after giving birth. At least for me. I had so many emotions going through me and I needed my chance to be his mom and also to say good-bye while he was still "all mine". The heartfelt gift was great for after a lot of the emotions had reached an even keel... it was like saying "here's what's been happening, we're not going to let you down. We're going to take care of him and keep you in the loop." Granted, that's just my case and everyone's different.