2 years and counting!

September 12, 2006

my story

[FONT=Arial]I wanted to know what your opinion of my issue was.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]I met my birth father two years ago. I was trying for years to find him.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]I have two parents,my birth mother adopted me to her cousin, who is my mother now since I was three months old.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]When I got older she told me I was adopted and I just knew that sooner or later I would want to meet my dad. [/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]I was 26 years old and I wanted to know my dad. I have a dad and him and my mother have been married for 25 years, and he is an amazing dad but I still wanted to know my blood where I really came from.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]So I went to my mother(birth) and she said he lived in Puerto Rico. But didnt have any other information about him.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]She knew his name but that's it. She was on drugs for almost her whole life, so she just basically didnt remember anything else.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]She did know that he had relatives that lived out her but she didnt know where they lived, so on to the internet I went.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]I found there address and sent them a letter explaining who I was and they called me back the next week.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]Within two weeks they contacted him and him and his wife flew out to NY and I met him along with my BF accompanying me because I was sure I would throw up. LOL![/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]So we drove there and I met the man who was suppose to me my dad. He just basically said that my mother and him had sex and that was that and she told him she was pregnant a few weeks later and that he didnt really believe her so he went back to Puerto Rico. [/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]He got married and had 3 kids.. 3 GIRLS. Then I was told he wanted a paternity test. So I agreed. The next day I went to get the test done and his wife talked to me.(in Spanish mind you)Her brother translated and she was trying to assure me that he was not really that cold and that he has been going through alot since I told him. I assured her that I just wanted to know my father, mind you before he came to NY he stated that he wanted a relationship with me and he wanted me to meet my sisters and have a relationship with them. [/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]So he went back and we waited two days for the test.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]This was two years ago. The test was positive.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]Since then he has written me 1 letter, in which he stated that he is going through some emotional changes that prevent him from being in contact with me. He does not want me to think that he is rejecting me. ??[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]Okay you meet me after 26 years and now I am 28 and u still have done absolutely nothing?? What changes have you been through that would make you not want contact with your first born???[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]He is glad though that I was raised right.. My question to you is that...I have written him numerous letters that have said that I do not blame him for anything. I am not embarrassed that he never knew me, it is not his fault.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]You know why come out to NY and have a paternity test so you can go home and do nothing about it.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]Its stupid. It was a waste of time. I would have felt better never even seeing his face. But now that I have it looks just like mine and I want to know him so bad it hurts me.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]I asked my boyfriend I said when do you think he is gonna ever want to talk to me? He said he is crazy for not wanting you in his life. I cannot understand it. I dont know what to do about it. Do you have any insight? It something that has been bugging me for a while because I am only getting older and it hurts me to find him and then see him and he hugged me and I have not since him since. I want to see him again and I want to meet my sisters and get to know them. I don't know what to do. HELP. my instincts tell me to just move on. what do u think?[/FONT]

Jordan's bmom

September 13, 2006

I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. I am a bmother and was reunited less than a year ago with bson. My ex husband and bfather was thrilled and excited when I told him that our bson had made contact with me. After our first meeting his whole attitude changed. He told me that he felt it wasn't fair to the son that we raised to have a relationship with bson. He felt it was hurtful to our 2nd son even though 2nd son stated otherwise. Both the boys get along extremely well, yet my ex insists that it is wrong to show acceptance to bson. He has also made statements like, " Why does he want to know us? He probably is looking for a hand out." The boy is only 18 he doesn't want anything more than to know where he came from, I'm sure you understand that. I can't begin to guess why your bfather is holding back. People grieve in different ways. He may be so racked with guilt and hurt that even your letters saying he's not to blame can't help him relieve himself of the shame he may feel. One suggestion, and I don't know how this would go over, but maybe you could write to his wife and ask her to talk with him. Do you know someone who could translate a letter in spanish? Best of luck to you. I hope eventually there is a happy ending. In the mean time. Keep writing now and then and maybe he'll come around. I know you've already waited a long time but hang in there.