Lost...

I have to agree you should tell the guy. You said he told you he couldn't have children. Maybe it wasn't a lie or line...and this may be his chance of being a BF. If/when you tell him...He may decide to still go home. He may decide to stay. Maybe he will want to raise the baby back home if you do not think you could take on a 3rd child right now (but keep joint custody so it leaves the door open for future). When you have the baby, will you put his name on the birth certificate? If you do adoption, wouldn't they have to contact him anyway? I think there are a million what ifs... I think some of them would be answered by telling him about the pregnancy and go from there. I truly wish you (and your children) the best.

Legally, ethically and morally; yes.

Thank you all for your input. I appreciated it, and I needed it. When I saw him last night, after the kids were asleep, I told him. It's incredible how it went. I mean, my first pregnancy, the father didn't speak to me for two days... he was so mad at me for letting it happen. The second two babies, after I told the father, I got beat up... not bad, but bad enough. I was so scared. My current boyfriend just held me, and told me he's there for me, but he needs time to think about it... I told him that's just fine... OF COURSE!!! He stayed the night, and he still loves me, but we are unsure of what decision we'll make. I told him I am very open to adoption, and if he still want's to go home, I'll take care of it. It's such a releif that he'll be there to support OUR decision! I guess in time we'll see what happens. It's like a load off my shoulders!!! I was just frightened of what would happen, because of my past experiences. I can't beleive that there truly are men out there that aren't a$$holes :) Thank you all for your suggestions. I know I did the right thing :) Oh... and if I do adopt, my aparents are the first choice... if they think they want another one. They adopted a son and he's now eight years, and my bchild is 9 months, so I'll let them know if that's what we deside. They are truly the best! :) Thank you

I'm glad it went well. Seems like this guy could be a keeper, no matter your decision. Now is the time to make a plan, write out all options and get some research done. :) I'm just glad it went well. I know what a load off of your heart and mind that must be.

Anna,I can definitely give you advice. I am married to a man from Greece. And we've been married for 15 years. He has made many sacrifices to stay here in the states and would never move back home to his island. However, I can tell you that, he is intermittently very sad without his family around him. We have a very close bond and a very strong marriage. We almost moved to Greece but made the decision to stay here. I can tell you that there is no place like home (and by that, I mean, America). I've spent an extended amount of time living overseas in Europe and usually kiss the ground when I come home. I know that Australia is an english speaking country, so it would be easier for you to adapt (I speak, read and write Greek, had to for survival mode!). However, there are little things that cause you to really miss the US. When I am in Greece I am loving how different it is, and absorbing the food and culture... but still I long for home. I know Andreas feels the same when we are in the States, though! However, he is the "breadwinner" and cannot make a living on the island that is comparable to ours here in the States. We can't justify starting over for him to make a bad living (you can't believe the cost of living overseas, compared to the salaries, and even w/a successful business, it is not comparable to the States)We go to the island at least 6 weeks a year, to spend w/his family. It makes him really happy and fulfilled. Usually he starts getting sad maybe 9 months into the wait before we leave... so for 3 months he's pretty sad and on the phone a lot w/family in Greece.Andreas made big sacrifices for our marriage and for me and for his career. If your sweetheart, knowing you are expecting, is unwilling to consider staying here in the States to be a parent to the baby, as well as, for your love, that is something to take into consideration.However, I read also that you make a good living and have supports in place. That needs to be taken into consideration also.I know this is so confusing for you. Hope my perspective on my marriage helps. It is really hard to be married to someone from another country. You are both pushed and pulled to the home country of each. I know many international couples... and we all have the exact same dilemmas. You are lucky there is no language barrier!Good luck to you, hope this helps. Follow your heart and your dreams. It sounds to me from your choices that you deep down prefer to live here in the US. And you have compelling reasons... the kids.. Kids are really adaptable but you have given many reasons to stay and only one reason to leave. That is, love. And, if things don't work out w/the sweetheart... you will have made so many concessions.Sending you huge hugs of support

Thank you Tammi. That helped a ton! When I didn't want to tell him, one reason is because I don't want to move to Austrailia, and I know that he'll try to convince me, and I might give in... which I am so afraid of! But we really are in love. It's amazing how wonderful he is. But maybe I should consider moving there with him. He has three investment properties in Austrailia, and he's been with his company for five years (and they are paying for rent, car, cell phone, etc. while he's here), and he's up for a promotion shortly. Plus, I've never had a problem finding employment here, so I probably could find a good job there too... I'll consider it anyway. He told me he wants to "Have a chat" later, so I'll just have to see what his thoughts are and go from there. I know this will turn out to be a blessing in disguise. I've always been blessed. I am Christian, although I struggle at being good. I know that He has a plan for me, and I thank Him everyday for the wonderful life I have. I'm sure it will work out. Thank you again Tammi :) Annalisa

annalisa, the cultural differences and the language differences are not as severe as what i face. aussie culture is somewhat like the US (one of my best friends is aussie greek from Darwin, AU, now living in Athens, GR). And of course, they speak english!The worst thing though, your ex's relationship w/the kids. That is a really tough call.Good luck, sweetie! Seriously, I pray that you find peace and solace with whatever decision you make.hugs,

Hello, I read your story and you are a very strong women!!! You and only you know the situation and what you can get into! We have 2 wonderful girls we are trying to adopt through foster care and they are the best! I think maybe you could try to tell him. He can not force you to move and you have other children to think about which you are adn that is great! We wish you the best of luck and hope things work for you. Nicole

My Fiance... hehehe(that's good to say) :) is the most wonderful person... the best thing that I could imagine has happened. I'm so glad things are working out. He was so concerned with my concerns about moving the Australia that he took me there to check things out. It turns out I love it. The people are absolutly wonderful! The weather is great! The jobs are plentiful! Schools are great! I love it!!!! Can't wait to go back!!! I just found out today that I'm having another girl. I have a 5 year old boy, a two year old girl, and I adopted out a one year old girl. I'm due in May. Three kids for me after all! I'm actually quite excited, despite my initial fears. It's all because of my fiance. He's so wonderful!!! Anyway - I'm moving in February to Australia with him and my kids. It'll probably be a legal battle against my kids' fathers, but we're prepared. I have sole custody of both, and the fathers both owe me money and also don't bother with visitation, so it's pretty much a given... they have to prove me an unfit mother, right? Well I'd say I'm doing pretty well, and so does the preschool and my daycare provider. I just hope it isn't a dragged out process... (yeah right). I can't beleive that my adopted daughter is turning one! It's all happening so quickly!!! The aparents and I email about once a month with pictures... They're doing so well. I'm so happy for once in my life. My mom says It's about time, but I never really thought I'd be this happy... especially with a man! LOL :) I wish the best of luck to you all... thank you much for your advice! Annalisa Oh, and P.S. When I gave up my daughter for adoption, I didn't have to tell them who the father was, and he still doesn't know about it. He assumed I had an abortion and is completly happy with that. He's still in Prison for what he did to me, and when he gets out I'll tell him the truth about the adoption... but just so everyone knows, you don't legally have to tell the father, at least in Utah.

Annalisa, Glad to hear a happy ending to your situation!! Good for you and good luck in the future with your new fiance and your new baby:banana:

Annalisa,Thanks for giving us the update. I am so glad things have worked out for you on such a positive note. Good luck w/the move and also, with the situation w/your children's dads...

I am impressed with the strength that you have displayed thus far! You have proven to me (and to yourself, I hope) that you are capable of so much. You overcame a lot (of fears and past relationships) just to tell the father what was happening...! Amazing. You are right in saying God has a plan for you and your children. This baby's father seems like a good guy. I am glad that you are giving him the chance to step up to the plate. I wish you all the best.

Where will you be living in Australia. I live in Australia too!

Well, I'm no expert, but I would try to be honest with the father. He does deserve to know, but also be FIRM and do whats best for the two kids you already have. If they need stability provide that for them, and if he is agood man he would want what is best for you AND your kids. If you end up giving the baby up for adoption, be at peace. The baby will be MUCH loved! Parents who adopt go through so much to get that child in their arms, it will be loved to no end! Also if things work out, three kids aren't too bad. Like anything it a juggling act, but it all works out in the end. Trust me, I have 6, and at the end of the day, they are what I live for! Good luck to you!

Talk to him about it. What can it hurt? Be open, honest, and let him know exactly how you feel. Don't hold back. I pray the Lord will guide you to the right decision for you and your children. If you need to contact me, feel free. God Bless, Bobbie Jo