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Get this.. Thursday afternoon my wife and I recieved a call from our adoption placement specialist. She thought we'd be a perfect 'match' for a 5 yr old boy who essentially became homeless yesterday. Because our 2 FC were sick it was decided that only I would attend the meeting and DW would stay at home with our kids. I showed up at the agency at 2:30 to meet with the adoption specialist. As I was brought down the hallway to the conference room we made a short stop so they could introduce me to the 5yr old, which I thought was totaly inappropriate. We reviewed A's case, and it seemed like a good fit to our home. They invited A. to come in and talk with us. A smart little boy who after 2.5 years in FC, his FP's who were in the middle of adopting him decided to stop and give up on him because they were too tied up in their own careers. I left the agency for 25 mins so I could re-review his case and call and talk to my wife. We agreed that A would be a shoe-in and were excited that not only would he be our FS, but eventually we'd be able to adopt him as out forever child. I went back into the building, met with the adoption specialist, and asked he if there were any out of line questions that I shouldn't ask A. She said nothing was out of line, even if I wanted to ask him if he wanted to come live with us. Well A. came back into the room with his new case worker, and that's exactly what I asked him. He came over hugged me, and said he would love to come live with us, that he was very excited to be in a home with other children. I even calld DW who spoke to A, it was agreed that he would sleep on the top bunk and have pizza for dinner. While all this was going on, and not known to me, there was a pow wow going on in a different conf room regarding this placement. I sat 45 minutes with A playing and coloring with him. Then the pow wow was over, the adoption specialist, licensing manager and some assnt director to whatever came in. They kindly asked A. to leave the room so the grownups could talk. At that point I knew something terrible was going to happen. They all sat there for a moment, apparently not knowing how to break the news. It was then when they told me that they thought it would be in A's best interest to be placed in a shelter. Saying they didn't know how he was going to react in a new home. I was floored, and couldn't comprehend their reasoning. After spending 2 plus hours with this boy, letting him know that he would be living with us, and even the CW and Adoption specialist saying the same thing to this boy they decide to put him in a shelter? AKA an orphanage. I could have cried. Not for me, but for this little boy who thought we were going to pack up our van with his clothes and toys. He couldn't wait to leave. The agency folks said they were sorry, that this meeting should have been held prior to me arriving.. etc etc etc... I just looked at them and pled my case, only to fall on deaf ears. I told them that the damage was done and I had such a bad taste in my mouth that I could spit! I asked if the ever heard of communication? That the total lack of communication between all of them has caused damage. I told them I've had it with them, that had I to do over I would never have become a foster parent, and would use a private adoption agency. This was awful. I stood up and walked out. The sad part is they still think we're a match, and if we want to drive almost 2 hours for visitation they would support it. I'm not even sure I could face this child again. He's probably thinking that I didn't want him, and that I abandoned him. How can these people get away with doing such a cruel think to this child. I wish there was some sort of legal recourse. It's disgusting. When I got home, my wife had moved some bedrooms around, and I walked into a room where a big sign surrounded with a few ballons read.. WELCOME A. WE LOVE YOU. I've lost every ounce of faith I had left with these folks in our agency. Our hearts go out to this poor little boy.
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That was a horrible, terrible, disgusting thing to do to that child. And they "wonder" why people are losing faith and trust in "the system". If he would be better off in a shelter - there was something going on they weren't or didn't tell you about. I certainly hope that you will go upward and onward to supervisors, Department Heads, the Govenor himself so that they can get this dept straightened out. They are doing this horrible type of thing all over the state. And they wonder why children have attachment issues. In our case, we had 3 that were TPR'd and they were looking for an adoptive home. They had the "staffing" which my husband went to - but had already picked the potential AP's. The staffers went directly against what my thoughts were (I don't even know why I was asked anything). I was very verbal in the respect that these children needed a parent home full time. They did not need (nor handle) being moved to a new home and straight to daycare. THe AP's chosen both had full time careers. Not just jobs - but careers!!! But I didn't know this until the first meeting! The potential AP's came to our home for an hour. Cursory plans were made for an overnight the next weekend. Our phone number was given so the AP's could call and get to know the kids (all 3 preschoolers). No calls came. No one even called to confirm the visit, set it up, nothing. About 3 weeks later we received a call and the AP's were ready for the visit. It lasted overnight and the kids came home and told us they didn't like the PAP's. About 3 days later the worker called and said the PAP's pulled out - because we made them uncomfortable and they knew we didn't approve of the placement. I never said a word!!! And they admitted that with thier careers they would not be able to give the very active, very exhuberant kid the time and/or attention needed. At least not to the PAP's. It wasn't thier fault that the workers chose them to dump on. These children had been in a SHELTER their whole lives. They had never had a home until they came to us. They were only with us about 6 months - but that was a long time in their short lives. Anyhow, the workers found another PAP, and we met them at the park with the kids. This was on Friday. The following Thursday a worker came, picked up the kids for the first weekend visit, and we never saw them again. I called their therapist (yes they were in therapy for attachement issues) and she took toys, clothes, green books, over to the PAP's. I never got the chance to tell the kids that we loved them and wished the best for them and were soooo happy that they were going to their forever home to a wonderful Mom and Dad. Never told them that we would never forget them. The first Sunday we had these children, we were getting ready to leave for Sunday School and the oldest asked if she needed to bring her clothes!!! When they left (the last time) I had told them they were going to a pajama party (so if they got refused again it they wouldn't know it) the girl said "See you tomorrow!! I have fun at pajama parties". Then to just jerk them around like that breaks my heart. I let the adoption worker that tried to placate me know exactly what I thought of her and her "ways". I had to ask her to leave my home - she said I knew nothing about "these things" I've had 40 kids in my home - how many has she had???? I have other children now that have the same therapist and have found out that the kids are doing well, are adjusting nicely, and have been authorized for another 6 months of therapy!! I wish the PAP's would've had my number so if they had any questions, if the kids needed to hear a familiar voice, if there was anything that we could've done to assist, and how they are doing. AND I WOULD LOVE CURRENT PICS, But the workers found it unnecessary for anyone that knows anything about the children be involved!! Anyhow, the just of this whole thing is: They are wrong, wrong, wrong!! And it will keep happening to these children until enough of us get the nerve up to bring this horrible treatment of the kids out in the open!! I definately feel for you. And I feel for the child. And these aren't the only horror stories I know of. And some are even worse!!!!
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