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Thinking of you..and hoping all is going well..:wings:
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[FONT=Times New Roman]I found myself, again, tears rolling down my face, looking at the baby section of the Supermarket. After years of infertility treatments it seemed impossible that the deep longing in my heart would ever heal. All of this love we had and so desperately wanted to give, and the love grew as the pain grew and seemed unending.[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]It was hard waiting. We had spoken with the birthmother several times. Then we waited. One day in late May, she called. She said she had made her decision to allow myself and my husband, to adopt her child, due in six weeks. The next day my husband left with the National Guard. [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]And then it happened. The same day my husband left, my child was born. He was born full-term, a beautiful baby. I was there. The hospital placed a bracelet on me, and a bracelet on him, and set up an area for me to rock him, receive visitors, feed him, change him. I missed my husband in a way I never had before.[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]At night I would leave and buy baby supplies and spend the night setting up a nursery for him. First thing each morning I would return to the hospital and remain again until late. Two days later I brought him home.[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]My friend Rita, years later, told me how I had told her over and over that I had never known such love and happiness existed in this world. How happy I was. The love which had overflowed was now being given to my son and yet still seemed to multiply.[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]But now, over a year later, I could not remember being that happy before. I was in a state of bewilderment. My husbands National Guard unit had been activated for Iraq, the birth mother had signed a withdrawal of consent, and the world seemed to be spinning out of control.[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]My husband and I had discussed potential problems that could arise. We knew there were many unanswered questions. We talked about how we might handle any birth defects or potential problems. Our lawyers said wait until the child is born before we make our decision. ғNo. This child would be ours as if he had come from my own body and we would accept him, love him, just as he would be. But we never discussed our only child being taken away from us. We could not imagine our precious child, who had special needs and had taken over our hearts and our lives so completely, being gone. [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]For the second time I missed my husband in a way I could never have imagined. Our child was healthy and happy; his special needs were being taken care of slowly, over time. And now I could not reach out to my husband deep in the middle of a war so far away. The wonderment and joy of each day of my childԒs life deepened, as did my fear of losing both my only child and my husband.[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT]
Oh my goodness, Christie. Just when we think we can't go on we read about someone whose times were so incredibly difficult. And we do go on. All of us. Hope to hear some very good news on your end soon. Wouldn't it be something if it was positive for every one of us waiting and we could all meet somewhere to celebrate?????????? OK. Maybe in "happy forever family land". That's good enough for me!! Josie
My heart goes out to you. Words cannot even begin to express the day I talked to the birth mom. She blessed us with the most perfect little angel that anyone could have ever wanted!!! I was in a situation previously to this one, although I never had custody. I decided to help out a mom with her baby. The mom had several children and just could not care for another one. I took that baby every weekend..then before you know it-I was literally raising that child. Promises of adoption never were spoken once the child was over one and a half years old. That little boy was my world..and unfortunately we never adopted him. He is now 12 years old and thank God his parents realized just how much love we had for that baby and he had for us. We loved him as our own son, and even when the adoption was not going to happen we still continued to be there for him.He stays with us almost every other weekend and we were proudly made his God parents. Now this new situation we have with a beautiful perfect little boy now 17 months old has once again touched our hearts and lives like every special angel does...and the dreaded news of the birth father contesting is just too painful and too hard. I was the one always babysitting everyone else's children and babies...buying clothes for every one else'e baby showers. Passing isles with baby clothes and toys and just longing so much to have a child of my own. I thought thank God this birth mom choose us!!! For once I could buy everything...and I think I did all that was needed for a baby and then some!!! Tears of happiness of knowing "a little boy" was going to be brought into our lives!! Nothing will ever compare to holding him for the first time -we thought our hearts would burst!! Years of longing, praying, and just wishing this would happen..finally did!!! And now...the heartache of "not knowing"what will happen. There are no words to make us all feel better...I wish there was a way to just make all of our pain go away...All we do is thank God we see our little angel's smiling face every morning-and hear the words "my mommy" and "daddy". Not one day is taken for granted...Everyday we have him is a day we cherish and we just keep having faith God willing this is our angel..and he is where he belongs!!