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I posted this on the "General" board but received no replies. I went looking online to see if there was any type of national adoptive parents coalition - or anything similar? I found many that included foster parent/adoption - but none exclusively for adoptive parents. I found a few which were state-specific, but I am searching for national, and exclusive to adoptive parents.Does anyone know of one, or any, that exist? It seems to me that with the variation in state adoption codes maybe the time has come for national adoption codes which can either create adoption laws on a federal level - or mandate state-to-state adoption intercooperation and minimum requirements. Joskids- this is one reason I have been looking for a national adoptive parents coalition who may be able to provide support and/or legal advice in situations such as ours. Adoptive parents need an advocate. We need a group (lobbying as well perhaps) to help aid and protect adoptive parents. Most resources available seem to be geared toward foster and foster/adopt. Adoptive parents need and deserve to be protected from legal loopholes and outright abuses of the system. If we have no group to solely protect our rights then we have only individual recourse - and as those of us on this forum know - that is very little. So if any of you know of such an organization (and I do NOT mean the Dave Thomas Foundation) then pease let me know. If not, I will research further how to create one and keep you all updated. Christie S.
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Thank you Brenda! These are the kinds of things I need to know. So I'm wondering - it seems we have two different levels here: one thing needed is perhaps an adoptive parents non-profit organization which can help adoptive parents with information and such? And maybe the other is an organization (for-profit????) which lobbies for advancements in law and policy? Obviously both can not be done at the same time? I placed all these in question marks because I'm not sure about them. Although in thinking about it this does help explain some things about our bureaucracy here in the U.S. Ideas anyone? Which is most needed? [I still aim to do SOMETHING to help adoptive parents and I may have to choose between the two.]
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Christie S.
Thank you Brenda! These are the kinds of things I need to know. So I'm wondering - it seems we have two different levels here: one thing needed is perhaps an adoptive parents non-profit organization which can help adoptive parents with information and such?
bromanchik
If you are going to be lobbying for changes in law and policy, you cannot be a non-profit organization. The 501(3)(c) designation is very explicit on this point.
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]Many nonprofit parent groups in the U.S. shy away from advocacy efforts because they believe that the IRS prevents organizations with 501(c)(3) status from lobbying. While the IRS does limit the amount of money a nonprofit can spend on lobbying, nonprofits are certainly allowed to lobby. The IRS simply states that an organization with 501(c)(3) status "may not attempt to influence legislation as a substantial part of its activities and it may not participate at all in campaign activity for or against political candidates." [emphasis added] There are no limits on volunteer efforts and other cost-free activities.[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT] So perhaps it is possible to pull both together in some way? Thanks again for all your insight! Christie S.
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Please if we can be of help count us in. We are from Maryland. Please any and all information would be helpful so keep us updated and informed. I am still so confused as to the state statues and why it seems some of these cases do not fall under the statues. In Maryland there are a list of things as far as when parental consent is NOT required...one of them being the child has been out of the parent's custody for 1 year, and has formed a significant attachment to the petitioner. Our little angel has been with us since birth and the baby is now 17 months old...Wouldn't that be enough for terminating rights? :grr:
I need to vent. Hope you all don't mind. Our birthfather is objecting to a Magistrate's Decision that the baby stay with us. As I now understand it, we will likely have a hearing in our county court, which likely won't happen until after the first of the year. Then the judge will respond to his objections, as we wait. Then he can take this to appeals then to the state supreme court. We will fight the fight. I don't know how financially it will happen, but many, many are praying. I thought this was a "slam dunk". Appears we should still get her as, hopefully, so do most of you finally gain custody, but the fees and expenses in the interim and the EMOTION are killing us. I wish I could tell you all that's been said by his attorney and by birthfather but, I won't go there. Suffice it to say, I am on anti-depressants and praying to God to maintain and be the best parent I can be while this goes on, and on. Our entire family of three other adopted children suffer also. And that makes me angriest because we, UP FRONT, told both birthparents that they were our main concern. Apparently, they weren't listening . . . . Josie Thanks, for the vent. I'll send you all my $$$ for mental health counseling when this is all done.
I feel for you...and your family. The "not knowing" what is going to happen or when is just a horror. Nobody seems to understand that the children are the ones caught up in this!!! Its so hard living day to day and yet always in the back of your mind is fear of what our next day could bring...- Opening the mail box and not knowing if we are going to be headed for court...- hearing the phone ring and not knowing if this could be a dreaded phone call. Its just not fair..Venting is all we can do. This makes us all feel so helpless...we are told to just "sit back" and wait for the birth father to take us to court...How long do we wait?? If they know of the adoption, and have not done anything for over one year...shouldn't there be a limitation?? Are we supposed to keep loving, caring,providing and just bonding until they are ready to parent? What about the child?? Facing a child everyday and hearing the words "mommy and daddy", it just literally breaks my heart. This is by far the hardest test of love ever!!! If we lose this angel -what are we supposed to just pretend this never happened? For now 17 months we lived as a family and continue to do so, how can anyone take that away from us, or from our baby...I don't see how this is allowed to continue. Posting on this forum shows case after case where the hopeful adoptive parents and the children are all just placed on "hold". I would like to know when we will find peace....There is no difference from someone coming in and taking your biological 2 year old from you as there is taking our children from us. Think of the horror that would cause to any family...that is what we go through. I fail to understand how a birth father can have any commitment to his child if 17 months have passed and nothing has been done...Yet he holds our future in his hands. Prayer is all we do and will continue to do. I wish I could understand why the birth father would want to do this to us/or to the baby. There is not a day that goes by that I don't have that thought in my mind. I just pray to God the birth father will allow us to just adopt and let us all find peace.....
Stacy, all you have said are the same things we go over and over and over again to each other (DH and I). And then we say we're done with the rhetoric and it's time to let the powers that be take over but then another pleading in the mail, another phone call, another piece of bad news. I keep asking what birthfather thinks we are. If we are not PARENTS, then what are we???????? BABYSITTERS UNTIL BIRTHPARENTS GET THEIR LIVES TOGETHER??????? Here, let me tell what I charge in "babysitting fees"!!! And reimbursement for safe carseats, for diapers, for formula, for baby food, bottles, blankets. And how much should the loss of our piece of mind cost him????? After this is done, we WILL file a civil suit against him for knowing EXACTLY what was happening. He had 9 months of pregnancy and 30 days to do what it is he was supposed to do. And he didn't. And after 6 mos., he's feeling sorry for himself and trying to hoist himself some ladder of fatherhood and call himself "baby daddy". He's a "little boy" and will always be because he continues to blame others for his choices. A birthmother placed her baby in a safe home because he would not support her. And he still holds his head up??????? Excuses, excuses. That's what's wrong with our entire society. Kids not taught responsibility and allowed to excuse-make their entire lives away, always blaming others. Stacy, it's going to be ok. God knows and our children know who "mommy and daddy" are. Every time your baby utters it, it's because he knows more than the law what being a mother and father is all about. Losing our angels is unimaginable. We will hold our heads up high, continue to support each other, and one day, each of us will have a happy ending to celebrate. Because we ARE parents. I'm so happy to have all of you to listen and truly understand. No other parent could possibly understand the incredible pain (and anger). Your friend,Josie
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Oh how well I know this pain. I finally have an update I can post: We have filed a petition to have the "fraud" charges (and the motion for the rescission of the adoption) DISMISSED since the judge had put in a court order that it would be discmissed in June 2005 (15 months ago) - but the other side has refused to let it go - so we finally filed. We also included a request to terminate the visitation agreement which keeps us in and out of court - but which THE BIRTH MOTHR DOES NOT VISIT!!! My lawyer said the judge has the right and the evidence to simply dismiss on the merits - but with so many lawyers on her side receiving payment by the state that we can expect a fight and a court hearing. HERE WE GO - Christie S.
I'm happy to hear this, Christie!! At least you have made a decision and are going forward with it. That's better than sitting around waiting for people who do not care about YOUR CHILD, sit on their backsides and do nothing or continue to wipe up the funds of the taxpayers for no justifiable reason. YOU GO GIRL!!!! Josie
Unlike some adoption situations, the birth father was well aware of the baby from the birth mom's pregnancy on...and yet has taken no responsibility - that is just what is so frustrating. I have seen where children are placed back with the biological parents because the birth father was not aware of the child. But, what happens in these cases? The birth fathers clearly know and yet continue to do nothing...I am curious to know if a judge would automatically just give the child to the birth father..or would a judge consider the best interest of the child? I am just so curious to know what are chances would be. Does all this time we have the baby account for anything?? I see all the postings on here with years of going back and forth to court...I am just amazed -I thought I knew everything I needed to know about adoption...I still cannot believe we are still in this same situation. What possible excuse can be used for not fighting for your baby after now 17 months? Wouldn't a judge see right through this? Its all a game bottom line if you wanted your child you would have had him/her from the beginning...You just don't decide one day you want to now be a parent. Or you just don't waver back and forth-and put everyone through this.I wish for once they would think of the child...disrupting a child from the only family they know is just wrong. There is not a moment that I do not think what is going to happen..- and wonder how a birth father could do this.
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