Advertisements
I contacted my 35 year old birthson about a year ago. We met a couple of months later after several very congenial phone calls. We had a number of common interests so conversation was easy. The face to face visit also went extremely well and we were together overnight and had breakfast together the next day. After a few months of emails we arranged another visit and met at our summer home on the weekend. Again we had a great visit. About a month later I received an email saying that he wasn't a sociable person and didn't want to have an "all the time" relationship, since he had so many personal problems. I emailed him back that I would not contact him again unless he made the first move since that seemed to be what he was asking me to do.About six weeks later his birthfather committed suicide. I decided I should tell him and he initiated a few calls after that to discuss what happened. We planned to get together so that I could share some books, pictures and letters I had of his birthfather. Then he began to ignore email messages and voicemails. (I did not call often.) I sent a birthday card and pictures in August and have had no word from him at all.I should add that my birthson does have an OCD problem and is getting help. His birthfather's suicide was a result of years of severe depression. I still loved him, but I was helpless to change anything. Also, I have been remarried for 33 years and have another son that is 10 years younger.My question is: What could cause this? We had such a good start getting to know eachother and seemed quite sympatico. Is this a common response?
Like
Share
I found my son just last year. He is 23 years old now.When i found him neither of us could get enough of each others phone calls emails and visits.! But as time went on we didnt get together as much and the phone calls stopped and emails get shorter and shorter every week. I dont think it's a bad thing. i believe in my heart that everyone loves the excitement at first like when you fall in love with somebody but then the excitement isnt so extreme anymore for the child ,as it is for the mother. and thats one reason they loose contact. And dont forget they have a life full probably working, wife ,family possibly ,ect... and when he or she first meets you they put everything in there life on the back burner.and it's very over whelming for them. so after a while they put you on the back burner and coninue on like before you met.Im sure you are not forgotten . and will get calls when ready. Everything happens for a reason(im a strong believer of that) .Stay possitive everyday.it helps. Like i said it has been 1 year since i found my boy. and i can honestly tell you. I wish i could be with him EVERY day.rude to stare i know but i wish i could just sit and look at my boy all daylong .as i didnt get to do that throughout his life.i missed him for 23 years , i found him and still miss him everyday were not together and thats not often. at least not enough for me.but we cant force them. right.hope everything goes well for you.
Advertisements
[FONT=Arial Black]You may have been missing him all these years, but remember, he does not know you. perhaps he felt pressure to have more of a relationship then he was prepared to have, and instead of speaking of to you in a rash calm honest manner, he ducked and hid. Leave him for now, he knows how to reach you if he changes his mind, this is probaly not a good time for him, and he just need some space. Reunions can be very scary for adoptees, as they feel then now need to re define themsleves in order to have a place for the b families in thier lives. While some of us want and need a close relationship with our b families, there are many of us who would just be happy with the periodic email. it has nothing to do with unresolved feelings, issues and loyalty to the a family, it is just who we are. Adoption does not define me, or who I am. Adoption was just an event in my life that I cannot even remember. There is so much more to me then that, and I believe there is more to your son, especially now in his life. he may want to get to know you more, on day when he is ready, until then be patient, and try to see his point of view. He may be telling the truth that he is not a "sociable" guy.[/FONT]