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My son lived in an orphanage since birth. He has been with us approx 18 mos He is now 9yrs old. We are recently experiencing behavior issues, crying wailing general behavior like a 4 year old. Very non compliant. We can not seem to find a reward or punishment that motivates him to do better. Does any one have any ideas?
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With what children can experience in orphanage environments I would strongly suggest getting outside support in the form of therapy or mentor programs. Now that he is adjusting, he may finally feel comfortable for the first time to act on some of the neglect and identity issues he has felt his entire life. Any support and education that you and your spouse can get in the form of family counseling or adoption support groups might also help. I am not sure what your state offers in this department. There are also several books that you can start with as well. Anything on late adoption, foster children, or bonding can give you great insight into how to help your son adjust to his newly stable life.
If he's not in therapy already, he probably should be, having spen that much time in an orphanage. As for books, I would highly recommend Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray and Parenting the Hurt Child, but Keck and Kupecky. The non-complianace/defiance is often about control. Since they could not control anything all this time, they are going to try to control everything they can now. Some children try to 'push you away' so that it won't hurt so much when you leave them (as they think you will). I understand that kids coming from orphanages can have a hard time adjusting to 'normal family life'. Definitely get some help and support...it may get worse before it gets better. You may also want to start a Lifebook with him, if you have not doens so already, and get some adoption themed books similar to you situation. Good luck!