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My sister and her husband are planning on adopting two children from the Ukraine. They are 6 and 8 years old. They have decided to change their names to "american" names. I am appalled at this because one would think that their heritage would be somewhat maintained. In addition, the children, at that age, have already established their identities. I would think that they would already have adjustment problems coming into a new culture and that this move just compounds that. Anyone have any comments or input on this?
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I do realize it is their decision. I am trying very hard to be supportive, but it's very difficult. They turned away perfectly healthy children here in the States because they were lightly brown-skinned. They wanted a child to look like the husband, who is very fair-skinned. I also find this appalling. Other family members refused to give them references to adoption agencies. Since I can do nothing about this, I am simply curious. I wonder what would be the opinion of a professional involved in adoptions?
I'm sorry I upset you. I was just wanting to get across that adoptive parents usually second guess themselves every step of the way, and they need family support.
How did your sister and husband get a homestudy completed without any references from family?
My kids were very small ( 6 months and 13months)at adoption so we did chose to change names, but with that being said I am a believer in keeping things as simple in the beginning as possible for the kids because there is so much being changed for them.
You maybe could post your question in the Russian board since they are more active and I know there are several with older children.
Blessings to you and again I am sorry if I upset you.
Oh, not to worry! You didnt upset me at all.. sorry if it came across that way... I know so many loving adoptive parents... my heart goes out to them and I have great admiration for those who adopt, especially special needs children ... you are to be commended... but you pose a good question, I have no idea how the home study was accomplished without any input from the immediate family... none of us would have given a reference... as for renaming the children, I think it's common to do that at an early age... and the children are so young, they dont know... but at ages 6 and 8? I agree with you... keep it simple and as less stressful on the kids... Thanks!
I also think it would all come to what is best for that family. However, I will say I love my Ukrainian heritage and I love my Ukrainian name. When I was younger I did not appreciate it as much as I do now. At 6 or 8 , I so wanted my name to be "Suzie". I hope this may help in some way. Being someone who grew up in this country with an unusual name, I would not trade it. It is part of who I am. :)
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We changed all our children's names. Two of them were too young to know or care, we asked our 6 year old if he liked the name we chose and he said yes. I have heard of several families where the children wanted to change their names. I think the primary reason we changed the names was because all of our children were abandoned at birth and names were chosen by people other than the birth parents (such as a lady in the registry office). I may have felt differently if the birth mother had chosen the names herself and if a child had been in the birth family home for any length of time.
This is a topic which is discussed a lot on one of the forums I belong to (it's not a public forum so I can't direct you to it unfortunately). It really is not a cut and dry issue. People are very emotionally attached to their point of view--both sides of this--and argue heatedly for changing the name or keeping the name.
It comes down to a lot of things: where did hte child get the name? Orphanage? Birth mother? What does the child want? What do the a-parents want?
I have heard of many people who have kept their kids' names and they are really glad they did. Their children, as they grew, were also happy they did.
I have also heard of many people who changed their kids' names and they are really glad they did, and so are their kids (and I'm talking about older adoptions here--between 6 and 12 years old).
I think it's something that needs to be worked out within the a-family, with the child, and whatever decision is made should be respected (unless of course the child is against the name change, but I have never heard of someone forcing a name change on an older child)!
I also want to comment on them turning down a child with darker skin than they have. I think this is absolutely fine. My husband and I are caucasian and have 2 bio kids. We decided to adopt our 3rd and ultimately adopted from Ethiopia. That said, to adopt inter-racially is not just about not being prejudiced. You are taking on a LIFETIME of people prying into your life, your child's life, every time they see you at the supermarket. You are taking on people's questions of whether it is in the best interest of the child to adopt a child of another race. We stand our everywhere we go. Deciding who to tell we have adopted is not an option--it is obvious, and we get unsolicited input. You are taking on the challenges of trying to walk a child through an experience in this country, of which you have no experience yourself. How will I do when confronted with racism he will surely experience at some point in his life? How can I say the "right" things to a black boy, being a white woman? You are taking on a huge additional load of challenges (in addition to the possible questions/concerns he'll have with being adopted), and it's not for everyone. Our social worker stressed this over and over to us, b/c it's one thing to say 'everyone is equal', and to believe that, and it's another thing entirely to take on an inter-racial adoption.
Teranga
We adopted two children from Ukraine, ages 5 & 7. We struggled with what to do with their names and decided to take on American names and leave their Ukrainian name as a middle name. Our children now 8 & 9 love their names and also the idea that they still have their Ukrainian ties. We will be going back for their 11 or 12 yr old sister and at this point we plan on keeping her original name because of the age, but will ask her what she prefers. Some children do want a new beginning. Hope this helps. Like one poster said, it is not cut & dry.
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