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hello everyone. this is probaby the third time i am writing this story (bad connection) so it should be at its best this time!i am new in this group and need as many people/friends to talk to as possible lets start here: i am 19 years old and dating my boyfriend (27) for only 2and a half months now (we have been friends for over a year now). i found out one month ago that i was pregnant. it could have been the worst news i have ever heard in my life. thoughts kept flashing through my mind. i am too young to have a child. i have so many hopes and dreams ahead of me. i was planning on finally starting college this january. neither my boyfriend nor i have a steady job that will financially support this baby. my first choice was to abort. my boyfriend and i both agreed we are not ready to be parents. i made the appointment, simple as that, but i didn't go, i couldn't go. i didn't go to the second appointment, third, and couldn't even call to make the forth. just the beginning of this week i thought about adoption. i looked into it each day and discussed it with my boyfriend last night. he wasn't as thrilled as i was. he couldn't imagine the idea of giving up a baby. after long hours of talking, we came with a decision to go through with the adoption. it would be the best thing to do for our baby. it will give a great opportunity for those who want to adopt, and eventually, years from now, my boyfriend and i could have a baby of our own (just as easy as this one!) i went to the adoption clinic this morning. they were very supportive and explained more than enough information to me. i chose to go by myself for the first visit and can't wait for my boyfriend to come with me next time. they are working right now to find the right adoptive parents for our baby. tomorrow i will be going with my boyfriend to the doctor for the first time. i hope to find out the sex of the baby! i want to do everything "right" or what is told is right for this pregnancy and for our baby to be healthy. i want to have an open adoption, stay and remain as close as possible to the adoptive parents. this is running long, there is so much more i want to tell!! 9 weeks down and about 7 months to go! seems like a very very long time concidering i have already been through so much. my family/friends don't know about this yet, but i am planning on telling them shortly. in the mean time, i need as much support as possible!! thank you and i hope to keep in touch throughout my pregnancy, recieve advice, comments, questions, stories, etc. talk to you soon! -unknown (you can just call me jb)
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At nine weeks you wouldn't be able to find out the baby's gender.Welcome to the craziness of Adoption Forums.As you're new to the pregnancy world and the adoption world, I encourage you to do as much research as possible. You also have seven months of pregnancy ahead of you. In that time, you CAN find the resources to parent so don't mark it off of your research list just yet. Seven months is a long time. For example, my life turned around, financially, in just about three months once. From dirt poor to middle class wages. It can and DOES happen... but it won't happen without the leg work and research hours. Let us know if you need any help! :)
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i guess there are more issues to why i cannot be a mother yet, but you are right, things may change. i must have read information wrong about already finding out about the sex. my boyfriend tells me all the time that i can be having twins because his mom is a twin (and because i get such strong cravings and bad sickness). i still can't wait until tomorrow i am very excited.
Good luck with your doctor's appointment! SchmennaLeigh is right...seven months is LONG time and many things can happen. Just because you think adoption is the option for you both right now, it may not be the case further down the road. Do lots of research and seek out all possible means of parenting. Sure, 19 is young...but it's not TOO young if you want to be a mommy!
Best of luck to you and your boyfriend as you work to provide the best life for your baby!
Hi JB,
First of all, I am glad that you have the maturity and insight to know in your hearts that you AND your boyfriend are not prepared to be parents. It's one thing for one person to believe they can, but if both of you are not, then single parenting is not a good idea. I was raised by a single mom and I cannot begin to tell you how difficult it was for her and for us and the hole left in my life without a dad.
As a mom by adoption, I can tell you that I am grateful for my children's birthparent's decisions. I know it was not easy for them to do and the decision was the most courageous thing anyone could ever do. My children are being raised with the understanding that their birthparents wanted better for them. They were welcomed into our family with great fanfare which included several cousins who were so excited! My niece said it well, "We (everyone) adopted him" (she was 6 at the time, my son was 2)
I also should tell you that my niece was pregnant just a little younger than you and we were going to suggest adoption for her, but she and her boyfriend decided to get married and it is working for them (he is in the Army and they are in Germany now).
Now as a person on the other side of adoption who used an agency, I feel I must tell you that you need to feel totally comfortable with the agency you use and the potential adoptive family you choose. If not, find another agency. There are plenty of reputable ones out there who will give you all the information you need and what help you are legally entitled to.
Sorry if I am rambling a bit, but I have seen firsthand the dangers of single parenting and I commend you on your decision to think of the baby first.
Our family is complete and we are not looking to adopt more children, so you can email me privately if you have any questions about how adoptive parents are screened and what paperwork we do to satify the social workers.
Congrats! Enjoy your pregnancy.... learn as much about the life that is intrusted to your womb as possible... This is a person, someone who will make you proud no matter what you choose to do. If you choose to parent, it will be tough- but doable. If you choose to adopt it will be tough too... but again, doable. Pray hard, pray often. Rejoice that God allowed you this gift of life! Celebrate it!
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Just to add a different perspective. I am a single mom, raised by a single mom (LOVED IT.....LOVE IT!!!!!!) Don't miss Dad at all!!!! I am a single adoptive mommie....LOVE IT!!!!! I do have a beautiful boyfriend of ten years, but we are not going to get married and don't live together. I was dirt poor when I entered adoption, (foster/adopt mommie of a beautiful biracial baby girl :-) LOVE HER!!!!!) but rich enough in the stuff I really needed, love and a way to provide for the basics. Two days before kiddo came into my home I was offered my dream job. A few years from now I will be a very very very rich person!!!!! Just trust in what you decide. Believe in what is best for you and your family :-) Know that either choice you make will be hard (cause um...life can be hard)and beautiful. But if you really want to parent....YOU CAN!!!!!! All you need is love, and I promise the rest will come. If you chose adoption. A family out there will be very blessed to have you and your child in it.
You have received some great advice here, but I want to add my two cents worth. I am a first mother. I relinquished my son in 1979. I feel like it is the worst decision I ever made. At the time I felt it was right, but it has been so hard. I was only 17 and I didn't want to get married. So I felt it was my only choice. But this is what "they" (those who want you to give your baby up) don't tell you. YOU WILL ONLY BE 19 FOR A YEAR! CIRCUMSTANCES CHANGE! YOU WILL ONLY BE FINANCIALLY STRESSED FOR AWHILE. IT IS TEMPORARY!!!! ADOPTION IS PERMANENT!! YOU CAN BE A WONDERFUL MOTHER EVEN IF YOU ARE SINGLE AND DON'T HAVE MANY RESOURCES. And open adoptions are not legally open. The adoptive parents can close them at any time.
I am not anti-adoption. I just don't think it is the "cure" people think it is. Adoption is a billion dollar industry. So take the next seven months and think about it hard. You will love this baby and it will break your heart to give it up. Are your circumstances so bad that you can live with that? I would also rearch the effect of adoption on adoptees. Once again, it may be the best choice for you, but don't make the choice without educating yourself.
Good Luck,
Deb
I think everyone here has given you excellent advice. I want to stress too that I really don't think an agency should be making a "match" this early in your pregnancy. There are so many variables and you may decide that you want to parent....or you may feel more resolute in your plan as the months go on. I don't think there is any way to really know, but I just want to make sure that you don't feel any "pressure" to place. It sounds like you are placing not just for financial reasons, but because you think this is not the right time to be a parent, you have dreams and goals for yourself to go back to college, etc. (not that you couldn't do both, obviously, but you don't HAVE to do both either). It is a HUGE lifealtering decision and I simply applaud you for choosing life for your child! I hope that your pregnancy goes smoothly and that you figure out what works best for you and your child. GOOD LUCK! Karen
I am a birthmother. I agree with many of the advices listed above. Personally, I agree with geogdeb. I wish someone would have told me it is only a temporary time in your life. I cry everytime I hear Kenny Chesney's "there goes my life". That thought process was pushed on me, and my son went to his adoptive parents against my will. Anyhow - I did not have an agency involved, but I would suggest you get other sources to provide information to you too. An adoption agency is in the business of adoption. Find other sources for the possibility of parenting, etc. I wish I would have been strong enough to keep my son. It has been a long 18 years, and his turning 18 did not yield a miracle relationship. Do as much research as you can. There are many helpful people on here. Read much and best of luck to you.
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